forgiveness Archives - Rebekah Simon-Peter Coaching and Consulting Inc.

What I Have Learned from Yom Kippur about Reconciliation

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Oct 5, 2022

Today is the holiest day in the Jewish calendar: Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement. What makes this day so holy? It’s the day on which Jewish tradition teaches that a person’s fate for the coming year is sealed. The great hope is that for the coming year, one’s name will be inscribed in the Book of Life. Whether Jews take this teaching literally or not, (just like in Christian tradition, there is wide range of theologies in Judaism) the day offers beautiful opportunities for reconciliation. In this article, I’d like to share five things I have learned from Yom Kippur about reconciliation. And how those insights are vital for leaders everywhere.

Growing up Jewish, my family observed Yom Kippur, along with Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year, which comes 10 days before Yom Kippur.) We dipped apples in honey with wishes for a sweet new year on Rosh Hashanah, and then ten days later fasted on Yom Kippur. For the first thirty years of my life—before I had a profound Jesus experience which shifted my religious path—these important traditions shaped my understanding of how to be in right relationship with God and others.

Yom Kippur is the day of atonement. But there is a whole process that leads up to it.

Reconciliation is a process. Getting out of sync with another—whether with God or a friend or beloved—doesn’t happen all at once. More likely, it’s the result of a series of missteps. Neglect, unforgiveness, imputing bad motives to another, harboring resentment are some of the steps that lead to being estranged from the one you love. In the same way, reconciliation is a process, too.

Jewish tradition allows time for the process to unfold. The entire Hebrew month of Elul which precedes both Rosh Hashana, the New Year, and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, is dedicated to reflection and preparation for reconciliation.

Leaders are wise to note if they are losing touch with those they love and lead. Take time to reflect on how you got out of sync with those in your care. Note your part in it. Prepare yourself to approach reconciliation. Quick apologies are not as effective as first changing your behavior. Both are important for reconciliation to be real.

Reconciliation takes focus. Yom Kippur is a fast day. By abstaining from food, daily activities, and other pleasures for an entire 24 hours, you can keep your attention on the task at hand. There are five prayer services during a traditional Yom Kippur observance. These instruct you in the importance of repentance, engage you in conversation with God, and bring to mind the ways you may have sinned, or missed the mark, in your relationships.

Leaders are wise to set aside dedicated time to reflect on their own leadership behaviors to see which are effective, and which are self-sabotaging. You’ll know the difference when you look at which draw people together, and which splinter them. Every leader needs to grow in this self-awareness. But without time to reflect on your own leadership, these negative behaviors erode respect and unity. Left unchecked, ultimately, these self-sabotaging behaviors will impact the mission and vision.

Reconciliation requires courage and humility. Judaism teaches that before you go to God in repentance, you must go to the people around you and get right with them first. In the end, our relationship with God is reflective of all the goodwill, or lack thereof, in our relationships with others. Reconciliation with God begins with seeking forgiveness from others.

Jesus lived out his Judaism by teaching this same process in the Gospel of Matthew 5:23-24: “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Leaders, if you want your people to be reconciled toward others, let them witness you seeking reconciliation first. Leading with humility and courage goes a long way toward demonstrating the kind of reconciliation we can have with God. True reconciliation takes sacrifice, humility, and courage. You never know how the other person is going to respond. Even if they don’t respond well, it’s worth the effort. You will feel cleaner and clearer.

God is always willing to reconcile. The prayers of Yom Kippur make that clear. Whenever we approach God with honesty and truth, God is more than willing to meet us.

Leaders, be available, humble, and open-hearted. That doesn’t mean being a doormat. You will need to set appropriate boundaries for your organization to function well and thrive. However, heart to heart forgiveness shifts the atmosphere in which your congregation or community operates.

Don’t forget to celebrate reconciliation. Just as the fast ends with a feast, so it’s important to celebrate relationships restored and reconciled! Relax knowing that you have taken important steps in maintaining a strong relationship.

Leaders, don’t forget the important step of celebration. Jesus shared many a parable about celebrating reconciliation. Remember, that just as you may have felt regretful about relationships that had gone awry, allow yourself to celebrate relationships set right. That spirit of joy will permeate your own heart, your relationship, and then filter out into your organization.

These five insights from Yom Kippur can bolster you all year long. Especially in this time and season, let them strengthen your leadership. As Jews say to one another on this day, “May you have an easy fast. And may you be inscribed into the Book of Life.”

Is it Possible to Love One Another as Jesus Loves Us?

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 26, 2022

Lenten Practices

During Lent, we remember Jesus’ command: “Love one another as I have loved you.” My question is: is it still possible to love one another as Jesus loved us? We live in a world of us versus them, a culture of contempt. We are broken into camps around politics, theology, and understandings of race. Don’t forget human sexuality, biblical authority, and denominational structures. Did I mention the pandemic? Frankly, some of us are too tired to even be patient, let alone loving. Even with all that said, I promise you we don’t have to give up on love. In this article, I want to share the top four ways to practice love this Lent.

Does Love Equal Approval?

First, I want to share one common concern. That’s the concern that love means approval. If I am called to love you, but we disagree about fundamental understandings of the world, am I compromising my faith? Am I sending the signal that I approve of what I believe is sinful or unjust behavior?

Here’s what I have found. Loving as Jesus loved does not mean acceptance of behaviors or beliefs. It does however equal acceptance of the other person’s humanity, and their inner divinity. No matter how misguided you think their beliefs and behaviors are. In the end, judgement is God’s domain, not ours.

Now, on to the problem and the solutions: the four ways to practice love this Lent.

Why Loving as Christ Loved is Hard

Polarization tends to beget polarization and it takes us farther and farther from Jesus’ command. Polarization is built on fear and judgement. “I am right, and you are wrong. In fact, you are so wrong that I can’t trust you, talk with you, or even be me when you are here.”

These victim stances have no place in the consciousness of Christ. He ate with sinners. He interacted with Pilate. He did not try to winnow out the “other.” He allowed Judas to remain. He set personal differences aside and, in their place, created community amongst his people.

Four Ways to Practice Love This Lent

1) Practice Looking for Common Value Polarizing constructs are only given life when we act on them. By letting go of “us versus them,” you take the first steps toward loving as Jesus loved, and to creating community. Instead, let polarization dissolve by embracing the opposites, or by finding, identifying, and focusing on common underlying values.

2) Practice Listening When you are with someone you don’t love, listen for their humanity. Put yourself in their shoes. Ask: how has your personal journey brought you to this place? How has it shaped your perspectives?

3) Practice Extending Grace The person you can’t stand to love may look at you the same way you look at them. Surprise them by extending grace. Give them grace to make a mistake, to be on a different journey, to grow in their own timeline, and to be recipients of God’s love, and yours.

4) Practice Praying If you can’t find love within you, ask God to show you how, to teach you how to love them. If that doesn’t work, keep praying.

It’s Possible to Love One Another as Jesus Loves Us

The pandemic has shown us that there is no us versus them. There is only us. People from every walk of life and every country on earth have been impacted by the pandemic. If we hope to come through it with any sense of unity, we have to practice loving one another as Jesus loved us. It’s not automatic; it takes intention. I invite you to take on these four practices this Lent: looking for common values, listening, extending grace, and praying.

We don’t know everything the post-pandemic future holds, but the more we trust God in our approach, the more that we can live by Jesus’ command. Then, the more confident we’ll be knowing that we can survive and even thrive once again.

Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah Simon-Peter’s upcoming book(Market Square Publishers, 2022)

Walk the Path of Healing through Lent

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 19, 2022

The Covid-19 pandemic has brought about a world of change. Many congregations have been weighed down with grief, resentment, and fear, unable to move forward. This year, I want to show you how to walk the path of healing through Lent. In this article, I’ll share how to move through the stages of repentance, remembrance, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and embracing on each of the six Sundays of Lent.

A Day of Repentance

Repentance means to turn back to God. Recognize how you may have played a part in harming another. Did you push people away with acts of injustice or ignore a neighbor? Did you contribute to acts of polarization or lose the way of hope? Congregational acts of repentance include sending out the prayer of confession and pardon from the United Methodist service of Holy Communion, asking your congregation to read and reflect on it, and bring their contemplations to worship. Read the prayer slowly and deliberately to truly grasp the depth of each line.

A Day of Remembrance

Spend time as a congregation in active remembrance. Remember those who have passed and the gifts that they brought. Remember the ones you could not visit and their seat in the sanctuary. Remember your family members, neighbors, and loved ones who have died because of Covid or other causes. Acknowledge human loss, offer thanksgiving for their legacy, and joy that death is not the end of life. Celebrate Holy Communion as a congregational act of remembering, that at this sacred table we gather together with those on the journey of life and with those who are in our great cloud of witnesses.

A Day of Acceptance

Acceptance tends to be a touchy subject. We saw this on the national stage as the country debated the existence of Covid and the legitimacy of the election process. In the church, acceptance is deeply connected with faith. Degrees of faith tend to be used as a measuring stick for whom we accept and whom we do not. The truth is, acceptance does not mean approval. Acceptance is simply the willingness to recognize what is so, whether you personally believe it is good or not. It is an act of surrender, a way to release control over what we never had control of in the first place. Congregational acts of acceptance include creating a personal or communal “bulletin” board that represents all the changes that have taken place during the pandemic: what has been gained and what has been lost. This “bulletin” board can then become a point for reflective prayer.

A Day of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is necessary when harm has been done. The pandemic has evoked many strong opinions and reactions among us. Whether it is the issue of vaccines and masks, politics and the presidential election, or social distancing and working from home, it feels like a thousand different harms pulled us further away from each other. I’ve spoken to many friends, family members, and colleagues whose sorrow has led to resentment, blame, and judgement. While blame and judgement seem understandable in extreme circumstances, the rancor that lives within is poisonous to your body, mind, and spirit. Forgiveness opens the way for healing to begin. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone someone else’s behavior. It means that you are willing to stop carrying the harm within yourself. Congregational acts of forgiveness include prayer for oneself, friends, and enemies, and the surrender of resentment and rancor to God’s loving care.

A Day of Gratitude

Gratitude is the heart’s response to the gifts of God. Although much has been lost during the pandemic, much has also been gained. Amplify the feelings of gratitude within your heart by counting your blessings. Take time to reflect on and recognize all that you can be thankful for, and what you have learned from the changes that have taken place. Congregational acts of gratitude include hymn sings, sharing of testimonies, and acts of service for others.

A Day of Embracing

Embracing is a positive, proactive act that allows one to move forward into a new future. It’s an open heart that can both pray “thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” and “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This kind of embracing embodies the unconditional love of God that flows outward to all, no strings attached. Congregational acts of embracing include reciting affirmations of faith, anointing, and speaking new visions into life.

As we approach Lent, which of these congregational acts will prepare your people to receive the gifts of resurrection? Which will bring healing, wholeness, and a renewed awe on this gift we call life? Even though the pandemic is not over, it’s time to look ahead for what new plans God is unfolding. We won’t be ready to receive them unless we repent, remember, accept, forgive, express gratitude, and embrace.

While we can’t rush the process, once we walk the path through these six stages, we can be ready once again to co-create miracles with God.

If you’re ready to take the next step, please join me for Jesus-Sized Dreams for Small-Sized Churches, a three-session workshop where you’ll learn how to Dream Like Jesus and bring renewal to your congregation and community.