Six Steps to Getting Your Church Past Polarization

Six Steps to Getting Your Church Past Polarization

by | Nov 2, 2021

At a time when polarization seems to be at an all-time high, most churches are not able to bridge the gap.  Instead, they are caught up in divisiveness, too. This polarization limits the church’s ability to lead or to distinguish itself as a spiritual institution. That’s why I want to share six steps to getting your church past polarization.

These six steps are important to take. In some ways, churches now resemble the US House of Representatives more than the house of prayer that Jesus envisioned. It’s not that your church shouldn’t wrestle with important issues. By all means, it should.

But when the voice of the church is framed more by politics than ethics, or by who it stands against instead of the love of God that embraces all, this is bad news for your church and the community you serve.

The Lure of Polarization

We know we are supposed to love God, love others, and love ourselves.  We know we are supposed to turn the other cheek and do good to those who hate us. Yet we find that hard to do with fellow church folk, let alone the people “out there.”

Unconditional love is hard to muster when news headlines play on fear, outrage, and worst-case scenarios.  Or when social media feeds reinforce your perspective on the world. It takes true effort to get past these views of the world and believe that something else is even possible.

When churches try to speak to issues like the pandemic, immigration, or even school shootings from a political perspective, they get caught in either/or choices popularized by right- and left-wing media.  This creates a lose-lose situation with no room for nuanced disagreement.  Either/or choices are destined to polarize, and to pit people against each other.

I’d like to offer an alternative for getting your church past polarization. It comes from  prioritizing ethics over politics.

ethics over politics

Prioritize Ethics Over Politics

I suggest this 6-step process for ethical thinking.  It’s not perfect or complete, but it will give you a starting point.  United Methodists will recognize elements of the process as it engages the Wesleyan quadrilateral, the four sources by which we live out their faith.

Step 1 When it comes to thinking ethically, the first and most important step is to get the facts.  That means looking beyond Facebook memes and polarizing talking heads.  It means digging deeper to find out what’s really going on.  “Some moral issues create controversies simply because we do not bother to check the facts,” observe the authors of Thinking Ethically.

Step 2. Turn to the scriptures.  Discover the biblical stories or principles that might apply.  This means thinking deeply and widely about meta messages of the Bible.  Resist the temptation to pluck one or two scriptures out of context that seem to fit the situation.  Many of the ethical dilemmas we face today were never mentioned in scripture.  Similarly, the scriptures themselves were written over centuries in response to situations that are far from our post-modern context.

Step 3 Look to other commentaries or sources of your faith.  United Methodist will want to consult the Book of Discipline, the Social Principles, and the Book of Resolutions to see how other informed persons of faith have approached these issues.

Step 4 Look at the history of the issue.  How has it been dealt with in the past? What has worked?  What hasn’t?  As thinking persons of faith, we engage our faculties of reason.

Step 5  Engage in prayer.  A word of caution here.  I wouldn’t necessarily ask for specific answers to your specific questions; this prayer may lead to confusing our own solutions with God’s divine guidance.  Rather, I suggest praying for guidance and wisdom as you discern together.

Step 6 Engage in respectful, patient discussion about the resources at hand.  To do so, first decide on ground rules and boundaries, so that your discussions don’t become polarized or violent.  At this point, don’t try to come to final solutions or absolute positions.  Rather, keep an open mind.  Keep prayer present even in the discussion.  Over time, discuss possible ethics-based approaches to addressing the problem at hand.

Don’t worry if you don’t all come to the same conclusion.  You probably won’t.  That’s okay.  Here’s what you will have done:  you will have thought faithfully and ethically about the issues at hand.  This ethics-based process creates trust, loosens polarization, and increases your skill at diving deep as a community of faith.  It might even get you loving one another, differences and all.

In Creating a Culture of Renewal®, we empower church leaders to bring out the best in those who frustrate them the most.  Not an easy task. But it is doable.  

 

Copyright © 2021 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

What to Leave Out in Conversations about Race

What to Leave Out in Conversations about Race

by | Jul 22, 2020

Law, custom, and even religion are intertwined with racism. It’s so pervasive that it’s not always easy to identify, let alone dismantle. We must approach Constructive conversations about racism with emotional intelligence.

I have written about arriving at workable definitions of racism and the surprising impact of emotional intelligence on racism. 

Now, let’s talk about what to leave out in conversations about race. Knowing what to leave out is just as important as what to include.

When people are passionate about a topic—whether passionately for or passionately against—unbridled emotion can easily lead to destructive responses. Destructive responses such as belittling, defensiveness, dismissing opinions, and passive-aggressive behavior strip others’ humanity. While these kinds of reactions may feel satisfying, they don’t advance the conversation. Because they don’t dignify people, hard as it may be, it’s best to leave them out.

Using Emotional Intelligence in Constructive Conversations about Race

On the other hand, while perhaps not immediately satisfying, productive responses will get you farther in the conversation. Apologizing, determining the root of the problem, and taking ownership of your part in a situation will help. Giving people space and time, acknowledging others’ feelings, and seeking active resolution will help. Separating emotions from facts, communicating respectfully, listening, and being aware of your senses will help. These are the kinds of behavior that create space for change.

Effective responses can be harder to live than knee-jerk destructive reactions. However, responding in these ways will grant dignity to yourself and the other parties involved. At the heart of it, acknowledging others’ humanity is one of Christian life’s deep values.

Uncomfortable Conversations

Racism is not easy to identify, let alone dismantle. Approach constructive conversations about racism with emotional intelligence. Click To Tweet

Gloria Browne-Marshall, my guest on the Uncomfortable Conversations series, writes in Race, Law, and American Society that “Justice is an ongoing quest. Freedom for people of color in America began as a fight for physical liberty. It continued as a struggle for constitutional protections and remains a battle against forces that would relegate people to a perpetual underclass based on color and tradition.”

Together, let’s weather that battle for Justice with dignity intact. We do this by fine-tuning what kind of behavior to include and what to leave out. Doing the work of transforming racism is too important not to get right.

The Surprising Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Racism

The Surprising Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Racism

by | Jul 14, 2020

Emotional intelligence is a soft skill often prized in the world of interpersonal relationships. Can it be used as a tool to dismantle something as hard and ingrained as systemic racism? My answer is a resounding yes. In fact, I don’t think that the structures, beliefs, and attitudes that form racism can be understood or addressed without it. In this article, I am going to introduce you to the surprising impact emotional intelligence has on racism.  And how your church can naturally expand both its emotional intelligence and its ability to impact racism.

First, let’s define racism. As I write elsewhere, racism is not so much about individual bias or prejudice as it is about systems and structures that reinforce racial bias. In the United States, racism grants extended rights and opportunities to whites while minimizing access to those same opportunities to people of color.  Dr. Camara Phyllis Jones, Past-President of the American Public Health Association asserts that racism negatively impacts every citizen, regardless of race, because it “saps the strength of the whole society through the waste of human resources.”

So how does emotional intelligence make an impact on this persistent problem? Let’s take a look at three key tenets of emotional intelligence: empathy, motivation, and social skill. Then I’ll suggest how your church can tap into these tenets to address the sin of racism.

Emotional Intelligence: Empathy

Empathy is the willingness to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagine what it must feel like to be them.  Empathy cracks open the door of white denial of systemic racism. The long list of Black folks who have died due to police brutality, most recently George Floyd, has brought out a wave of empathy amongst people of every race.  This empathy has found expression in innumerable forms of solidarity from demonstrations to protests to intensive studies to calls for de-funding police and re-funding social safety nets.

How Your Church Can Tap into Empathy

How can churches expand and harness the impact of empathy? Remind your people that empathy is a key teaching of Jesus: “Love your neighbor as yourself,” and of Paul: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

Emotional Intelligence: Motivation

Solidarity has led to an awakening. White people in particular are grappling with new understandings of the privilege they have been born into. And the extensive, if hidden, nature of this privilege.  This burgeoning awareness (copies of How to be an Anti-Racist and White Fragility seem to be on permanent backorder) is motivating people to educate themselves. People are learning how and why systemic racism has been perpetuated, a topic Gloria Browne-Marshall and I discuss in the launch of the Uncomfortable Conversation Series. 

How to Motivate Churches to Impact Racism

How can you motivate your church to address racism? First, draw upon resources in the Bible that highlight the importance of doing good “in season and out of season.” This wealth of resources includes the story of Ruth, the story of Esther, the teachings of Leviticus, and the entire life and death of Jesus. Immersed in these teachings, dare to begin your own uncomfortable conversation. Also, join me for the next one on August 5, in which we talk about racism and health disparities.

Emotional intelligence is a skill often prized in interpersonal relationships. Can it be used to dismantle systemic racism? Click To Tweet

Emotional Intelligence: Social Skill

No other component of emotional intelligence has more potential for a positive impact than social skills. Social skill is the ability to motivate others to go in the direction you want them to go.  Another term for this skill is leadership.  As you expand your social skill you can draw others into a positive shared vision of the future, one that undoes racism.

Church, Social Skill, and Dream Like Jesus®

How can church leaders tap into their own social skills?  Learn how to dream like Jesus. Jesus exemplified the very best in social skills. He called disciples, trained apostles, and empowered all kinds of ordinary people to heal the sick, cast out demons, and proclaim the Kingdom.

Churches must wade into troubled waters to accomplish this.  If you want harmony at the expense of uncomfortable conversations, you’re not alone. The fear of losing people or of “being too political” can give churches a good case of laryngitis. But it’s time to grow in courage.

Ethical Not Political

One last tip. Instead of thinking of dismantling racism as “too political,” consider the ethical nature of this quest.  Dismantling racism manifests the Kingdom of God. It brings honor to people. It gives glory to God.  It’s worth the effort.

Still not sure how to expand your emotional intelligence? Reach out to me. You are not alone.

The Vital Step Your Church Can Take in Addressing Racism

The Vital Step Your Church Can Take in Addressing Racism

by | Jul 6, 2020

As conversations about race, racism, and racial justice heat up, you may be wondering what you can do to engage your congregation and your community in addressing racism. Where should you begin? March for Black Lives Matter? Write letters to the editor? Support people of color in your midst?  While all of these are important actions, I suggest a more basic, yet vital, step to take. Begin by defining terms.

When asked the question, “Are you racist?” most people I know would answer “No.” That answer makes sense if you understand racism to be conscious of hatefulness toward a person of a different race. Instead, that’s a more apt definition of prejudice, not racism.  Yet so many conversations on race and racism get stopped right there: “But I’m not a racist!”

Just as you wouldn’t conduct a Bible study without distinguishing between the Gospels and the Letters of Paul, or between the Old and New Testaments, so having a conversation on race and racism without using agreed-upon terms would be equally frustrating and fruitless.

Racism is not so much about the particular actions of a prejudiced individual or group—even though that is one of Merriam-Webster’s current dictionary definitions—as it is about how prejudice is built into a society’s very systems and structures. Especially when those systems and structures deliver vastly different results for White people and Black people or other people of color. In that case, every White person I know, including me, is racist.  Not because you or I consciously chose to be, but because of the systems we are born into.

What can you do to engage your congregation and your community in addressing racism? I suggest beginning by defining terms. Click To Tweet

The Important of Addressing Racism

While I can’t speak to systems in other countries, US society is built on a series of interlocking systems of wealth, education, housing, criminal justice, and media that inherently extend the privilege to White people while at the same time disadvantaging non-White people. Check out this video for a quick introduction to these five interlocking systems.

Racism isn’t the only term that needs a deeper explanation. The idea of race itself requires exploration. Ancestry.com and 23andMe aside, genetically speaking there are very few differences between the so-called races of humanity. When it comes to differentiating between peoples, even the Bible does not speak of race; rather it speaks of tribes and nations.  In a word, the race isn’t real.  That doesn’t mean White people can or should be color-blind. Because while racial distinctions aren’t real, racism is.  Even if you can’t see it or haven’t experienced it.

Last week, I interviewed Gloria J. Browne-Marshall, author of Race, Law, and American Society for the launch of the Uncomfortable Conversations series. A civil rights attorney and professor of constitutional law, she was very knowledgeable and articulate.  We spoke about these very terms.  My takeaways from our hour together included the value of listening to each other, learning from each other, and using a shared vocabulary. These values make possible a new and positive shared future where everyone has a fair shot at a good life.

Understanding and transforming a society built on systemic racism won’t be easy.  Or comfortable.  But it will bring us that much closer to Jesus’ big dream: “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”