Women, Leadership, and the B-Word

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | May 6, 2021

Women, Leadership, and the B-Word

When a male leader is direct or decisive, he’s often known by a C-word: Confident. Competent. Charismatic. He’s prized as a strong, natural leader. Women in leadership, however, are often stuck with a less desirable word. With less desirable connotations.

With Mother’s Day just past, a day that has become not just about honoring our mothers, but about honoring women and their many strengths in general, I had to wonder why this is.

I told my husband about the title of this blog and asked him what he thought the B-word was. He answered tongue in cheek. “Bright? Balanced? Bold?” I laughed. The truth is, we both know that very often a strong, competent woman is more likely to be known as bossy. Or worse, a b#tch.

Women and the B-Word

Strangely enough, it’s not just men that make these pronouncements. Other women do too.

Experiencing resistance as a Methodist minister myself in the past, I often wonder why women would be wary of female leadership? Is it because women are afraid of their own power? Is it because women fear the backlash that comes when another woman displays such qualities? Or maybe traditional female gender socialization is so ingrained that it’s simply hard to accept this sort of female leadership.

I’m not sure. But I do know this. Women, as well as men, are naturally shaped to be direct, confident, and decisive. As well as tender, compassionate and collaborative. Traditional gender norms tend to skew socially acceptable behaviors. But in studies about personality type, all of the above qualities occur almost equally in both men and women. Moreover, since each of us is made in the likeness of God, there are no mistakes about how we turn out.

Strong, decisive leaders who are confident, competent and charismatic are what the church needs. As well as compassionate and collaborative. And the church needs them in both the female and male versions.

women in leadership

So how do we move beyond the negative monikers of bossy and b#itchy? I have three suggestions for women in the pews, pulpits and communities:

1. Remember the power women from your past.

Identify women from your past that shaped their families and communities with their insight, intuition, and ability to get things done. You are part of that history. Women have always been leaders, even if not in the public square.

2. Mentor the next generation of women.

Elizabeth supported Mary when they both carried miracle babies who would change the arc of history. Mentor younger and older women in developing their own confidence and skill.

3. Own your inner boss.

Get comfortable with your own power. The power to move a conversation forward, to motivate a congregation, to envision new possibilities. A female colleague gave me a prized mug that says: “I’m not bossy. I am the boss.”

There is one more B-word that is under-used when it comes to women. One we should wholeheartedly embrace: Bishop.

In 2006, I attended an international United Methodist celebration of the 50^th anniversary of full clergy rights for women. All of the female United Methodist bishops in the church were in attendance. They told their stories, spoke on panels, and cheered each other on. I was amazed not only at their leadership, but at their everydayness. Navigating airports on the way back home, I thought about these women. If I had seen any of them without their episcopal robes or name tags, I wouldn’t have known they were bishops. They looked like other women I knew: grandmothers, mothers, sisters and friends.

The United Methodist Church has come a long way since it consecrated its first female bishop. Even so, both church and society itself need to continue taking the vital steps to truly acknowledging the many women leaders around us. Women who accomplish amazing things in their communities, families, and in the Kin(g)dom of God.

We need you. True, in some settings, you may be thought of as bossy, or even bitchy. But let’s not forget, you may also be thought of as bishop-material.

Chances are, YOU are a leader! Whether clergy, bishop, laity, community advocate, or mom, you’re leading in powerful ways. I hope you’ll join me on my free 90-minute seminar, “How to Create a Culture of Renewal.” You’ll not only be taking the next step in your leadership role but learning the life-giving miracles that renewal can bring.

The Most Vital Step Your Church Can Take to Address Racism

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 30, 2021

The Most Vital Step Your Church Can Take to Address Racism

What is the most vital step your church can take to address racism? It’s an important topic that deserves ongoing conversation. In the words of US President Joe Biden, “We have all seen the knee of injustice on the neck of Black Americans.” No matter where you land on the theological or political spectrum, having a Pentecost kind of faith calls people of faith and love to notice and “remove” that knee.

You may be wondering what you can do to engage your congregation and your community on these topics. Where should you begin? Enter into prayer and repentance? Learn how to be an ally of Black people? Call your people to make a community-wide impact? Though all of these are important actions, I suggest a more basic, yet vital, step to take.

Begin by defining terms.

Racism and what it means

Defining Terms

Why is this the most vital step? It seems like it won’t result in quick change. Yet, defining terms allows people of differing backgrounds, understandings, and experiences to engage in the same conversation. Rather than talk past each other.

When asked the question, “Are you racist?” many people I know would answer “No.” That answer makes sense if you understand racism to be conscious hatefulness toward a person of a different race. Instead, conscious hatefulness is a more apt definition of prejudice not racism. Yet so many conversations on race and racism get stopped right there: “But I’m not a racist!”

Just as you wouldn’t conduct a Bible study without distinguishing between the Gospels and the Letters of Paul, or between the Old and New Testaments, so having a conversation on race and racism without using agreed upon terms would be equally frustrating and fruitless.

US Society

Racism is not so much about the particular actions of a prejudiced individual or group as it is about how prejudice is built into a society’s very systems and structures. Click To Tweet Especially when those systems and structures deliver vastly different results for White people and Black people or other people of color. In that case, every White person I know, including me, is racist. Not because you or I consciously chose to be, but because of the systems we are born into.

While I can’t speak to other countries, US society is built on a series of interlocking systems of wealth, education, housing, criminal justice, and media. These systems inherently extend privilege to White people while at the same time disadvantaging non-White people. Racism isn’t the only term that needs a deeper explanation. The idea of race itself requires exploration. Genetically speaking there are very few differences between the so-called races of humanity. When it comes to differentiating between peoples, even the Bible does not speak of race; rather it speaks of tribes and nations.

In a word, race isn’t real. It wasn’t real when Nazi Germany organized around a so-called Aryan race. And it’s still not real when people today try to make distinctions between Black and White “races.”

Now, that doesn’t mean White people can or should be color-blind. Because while racial distinctions aren’t real, racism is. Even if you can’t see it or haven’t experienced it.

Racism is a pandemic sign

Transforming Society

Last year, I interviewed Gloria J. Browne-Marshall, author of Race, Law and American Society, for my Uncomfortable Conversations series. A civil rights attorney and professor of constitutional law, she was very knowledgeable and articulate. My takeaways from our hour together included the value of listening to each other, learning from each other, and using a shared vocabulary. These values make possible a new and positive future where everyone has a fair shot at a good life.

Transforming a society built on privilege for some and obstacles for others won’t be easy. Or comfortable. But it will bring us that much closer to Jesus’ big dream: “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

So, begin by defining terms, then take the actions referenced above. Those actions will bring renewal of spirit, of love, and of justice.

Need some help getting your people on board with big, bold vision of renewal? Start by joining me for a free 90-minute seminar, “How to Create a Culture of Renewal.” In this seminar, we discuss seven “R’s” that describe current congregational cultures. In addition to racism, those R’s include reluctance, resistance, reactivity, ir-relevance, resignation, and regret. You’ll learn how to move past them into the life-giving state of renewal.

The Four Rules of Helping

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 26, 2021

The Four Rules of Helping

“I’m tired of giving people $40 toward a shut-off notice, or a plastic grocery bag of Spam and crackers, or a one night’s stay in a hotel as our feeble attempt at outreach here,” Rev. Tina Cross told me, her voice rising with conviction. “I don’t want a vision that says, ‘Everyone will be fed.’ It simply doesn’t address the core issues here.”

The core issue at the church Tina and her husband served was that the people who came for help weren’t really being helped. Sure, the money and the food assisted them temporarily, but their baseline situation never changed appreciably. She knew that if she really wanted the church’s efforts to make a difference, they would have to do something different. These are important awarenesses to know about when it comes to helping as a church leader.

Do you find yourself in a situation like that?

Do you want to help people in a way that makes a real difference but you’re not sure how? You need to know about The Four Rules of Helping. Click To Tweet

The Origin of The Rules

I first learned these rules when I was in early recovery. Now that I was getting better, I wanted to help everybody else. My sponsor gave me a discernment tool that I have never forgotten. “Before you go out and save the world,” she said, “better run your ideas through these four rules.” I share them with you, fellow church leaders, because they apply to “do-gooders” everywhere.

A cross in someone's hands.

The Four Rules of Helping

Here are four rules for helping as a church leader:

1. The person has to need help. This first rule is crucial to keep in mind. There are all kinds of people you might like to change, fix, or re-direct. But if they don’t need help, keep your hands off. Your efforts will be wasted. Bottom line, each person has free will. Even if you don’t like or approve of their lives, if free will is good enough for God, it has to be good enough for you. Move on to be of service to others who actually need help.

2. The person has to want help. So let’s say your person needs help. Good. You and they are on the right track. The next question is, do they want help? Truth be told, some folks are in desperate need of help. But unless they want help, your efforts won’t make a bit of difference. Again, remember the reality of free will. Move on.

3. The person has to want my help. If your person needs help, and they want help, then consider the third rule: they have to want your help. This is where you have to be honest. Are you a fit? Does your congregation connect with the kind of person you want to help? Is it a good match? Because if it’s not, no amount of intention will make the match. You can either partner with the kind of group that appeals to the folks you want to help, or move on. If you are a fit, don’t leap into helping without checking out the final rule. It’s the most important one of all.

4. I can only help them to help themselves. If your person needs help, wants help and they are okay with YOUR help, then you’ve got a green light to offer a particular kind of help. This help isn’t about fixing them, changing them or saving them from themselves. Instead, you can do something even more valuable: help them to help themselves. This form of help is called empowerment. The definition of empowerment says it all: The process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights. God gives us agency. Your empowering help will reconnect them with that agency.

Our spiritual superpower.

Let’s get back to Rev. Tina Cross, the example that kicked off this entire idea of getting better at helping as a church leader. When she and her congregation moved away from quick fixes, they landed upon the kind of vision that met all the criteria of the Four Rules of Helping. Their vision became, “Equipping people to thrive.”

I love this vision because it’s easy to remember, applies to congregation and community, is Biblical, and offers so much more than a quick fix. She wanted people to be able to see themselves in a new light: as new creations in Christ; as capable, confident, able, worthy human beings. People who had what it takes to rise to new heights.

Offering a quick fix can feel good in the moment. But it’s heartbreaking when you realize that it didn’t really make a real difference in someone else’s life.

So, how do you stop helping and start empowering others? One way to do that is to learn the best practices of creating a culture of renewal in your setting. Reach out for more information on how to do just that!

Greening Our Faith

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 19, 2021

Greening Our Faith

Going green is all the rage. But what does it really mean? For persons and communities of faith, it’s more than just changing light bulbs, although that’s important. Going green at its core is about recognizing our right relationship with both our Creator and the creation.

It revolves around the question: What’s the purpose of creation? Or even more importantly: Who or what is at the center of creation?

If you answered “me,” you’re not alone. We tend to have a pretty ego-centric or anthropocentric view of things. Even in the church. (Jesus died for “me.”)

As if we humans are at the center of the universe and the rest of the creation exists simply for our sake.

The Bible doesn’t hold that same view.

According to Genesis 1-2, we humans are not the center of creation; we are the stewards of creation. That’s an important distinction. We’re told to multiply and fill the face of the earth. But so are the fish of the sea and the birds of the air.

The difference between us and them is that we’re to have dominion over them. Dominion does not mean dominate, defeat, or deny. It certainly doesn’t mean to make extinct.

Instead, to get at the meaning of dominion, think domain. God’s ruling authority over the domain of creation has been extended to us. We are authorized to rule in such a way that the “goodness” of creation is nurtured and cultivated. Not extinguished.

You might call this view of creation biocentric. It’s the creation that is the center of God’s focus—of which we are a part. An important part. But not the whole enchilada.

An image signifying going green

Everything has a right to exist simply because God created it. (That brings to mind the question of mosquitoes. But where would bats be without them?)

In other ways, the Bible’s view of creation is decidedly Christocentric. Consider this passage from Colossians 1: 15-17: “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” That’s a high view of both Christ and creation.

In the final analysis, though, the Bible is breathtakingly and unapologetically theocentric: “Let everything that breathes praise the Lord. Praise the Lord!” Psalm 150:6 Even sea monsters and stormy wind fulfill God’s command. (Psalm 148) God is both the center and circumference of all that is. All our living, loving, worship is ultimately to be directed toward God.

So what’s our right relationship with Creator and creation? To praise God with our being and our actions. And to be a good steward of creation, so that by its very being, the creation can also praise God.

We would do well to recover these biblical perspectives on creation.

We find ourselves in the precarious position of loving the Creator while violently abusing the Creation. Click To Tweet

Humanity has now become a force of nature—through our massive population growth, our extensive technologies, and our unsustainable ways of living. We are overriding the delicate balances of the natural world. The consequences are disastrous.

Through the burning of fossil fuels—coal for electricity, oil, and gas for fuel and transportation—we have pumped enough carbon dioxide into the air to raise the earth’s temperature and to change the earth’s climates. Dramatically. Something no other human civilization has ever done.

A happy person in nature

As a result, air temperatures are rising. Oceans are warming. Ten thousand year old glaciers are melting. Permafrost is thawing. Antarctic ice sheets are breaking up. Ocean levels are inching up. Extreme weather events are the new normal as forests are burning up. The earth is crying out to us.

We who have been charged with being stewards of creation have somehow become sinners against that creation. The National Council of Churches reported in a 2005 letter to Church and Society that the earth is crying out to us.

What can we do in the name of going green? Change light bulbs. Move away from a “consumeristic-throwaway-approach” to life. Drive more fuel-efficient vehicles. Eat lower on the food chain. Support women in developing countries to gain control over their own lives so that birth rates go down. Reduce individual and congregational CO2 footprints.

But chances are these actions will be no more than knee jerk reactions if our understandings are not grounded in Scripture and theology.

Going green doesn’t start with the energy bill. It starts in the reading of Scripture. It builds through recognition and repentance. It’s underscored in the pulpit and the prayers of the people. It takes root in a growing awareness of our right relationship to Creator and Creation. It culminates in changed lives—and changed light bulbs.

Join me for a free seminar, How to Create a Culture of Renewal, in which you’ll learn the barriers to achieving renewal, the miracles renewal can bring, and how to take your next step—a “must attend” for church leaders.

Three Tips for Church Leaders in Weird and Crazy Times

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 13, 2021

Three Tips for Church Leaders in Weird and Crazy Times

How do you lead well as a church leader in a weird and crazy world?

Most church leaders were trained to lead congregations during times of relative stability. You knew you would have to work harder than your predecessors to keep and attract young people. You knew you would have to don more hats and roles than those who came before you. You even knew you might have to steward churches through the process of closing their doors. All of that was trying, stressful. But in retrospect, it was easy compared to the times you’re in now.

Today, you are doing all the above while leading congregations through succeeding waves of a global pandemic. At the same time, you’re dealing with ongoing racial reckonings and trying to keep political division from derailing your ability to preach the Gospel.

Seminary didn’t give you a playbook for leading in times like these.

That’s why I’d like to give you three tips for leading in these weird and crazy times. Plus, I’ll share with you the beautiful flip side of weird and crazy. Finally, I want to give you a hint about how long to expect things to be this weird and crazy.

Let’s start with the flip side of weird and crazy.

While the world is spiraling out of control, a new era of human cooperation is also taking shape. It’s as unexpected as all the weird and crazy stuff. But it’s the stuff of hope.

The most obvious example is how scientists from around the globe quickly collaborated to produce at least three highly effective vaccines using innovative technology, developed in part through the genius of female scientists. Remember when public health officials speculated that there might never be a vaccine? Now, hundreds of different vaccines are being tested. Crazy, huh?

Less obvious is the way that strangers came together to support people whom they never met. For instance, the crowdfunding site GoFundMe raised $625M in just six months for COVID relief. At the same time, giving to advance racial justice skyrocketed. Meditation groups multiplied all over the world as people brought spirituality into their homes. Online worship numbers soared even as yoga classes, 12-step meetings, and concerts streamed directly into people’s living rooms. Crazy good.

These two extremes—both the chaos and the creativity—remind me of Deuteronomy 30:19: “I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse: therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live.”

That choice is still before us. It will remain a stark set of choices for at least the next five years, a period that correlates with increased solar activity. Solar flares are historically correlated with the highest incidences of human reactivity—like revolution and civil war—as well as equally high incidences of human flourishing—like breakthroughs in the arts and sciences. This time of volatility will last through 2025. So, expect to be working with the energies of change for a while.

Church leaders, your role is to channel these energies. Here are three important tips on how to do this.

Don’t underestimate your influence as leader. You have the distinct privilege of channeling these energies. There’s a reason the biblical writer noted that “without a vision the people perish.” Leaders bring vision. Vision paints a positive picture of the future that guides people’s focus, resources, and imagination. Visionless people, on the other hand, wander; they can wander into chaos or creativity.
Use your influence wisely. Actively steer folks toward being spiritually grounded, and emotionally centered. The more self-regulated they are, the more they will be able to tap into creativity and collaboration, instead of chaos and grievance. Capitalize on this season of change by calling your people to their own greatness. They will rise to the occasion and join you in your positive vision.
Declare what you are FOR. When your vision is “against” or “anti” you exacerbate the energies of division. As tempting as it is, don’t go there. Being against something reprehensible may strengthen you, but it also strengthens “them.” When you choose what you are FOR, however, you draw forth the energies of collaboration. When you are FOR something, anyone, even “them” can join in.

Yes, these are weird and crazy times, church leaders. Not only because of the health, economic, and societal challenges we face, but because of how much good is taking place! Click To Tweet

The human family is coming together to create a global network of resilience. Strangers far and wide are eager to help bear one another’s burdens. We finally get how interconnected we are. Faith leader, this is your time to lift up Jesus, his dream of the Kingdom, and the Beloved Community that calls us all.

You don’t have to weather these weird and crazy times alone. Join me for a free seminar, How to Create a Culture of Renewal, in which you’ll learn the barriers to achieving renewal, the miracles renewal can bring, and how to take your next step—a “must attend” for church leaders.

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