Christian Archives - Page 4 of 23 - Rebekah Simon-Peter Coaching and Consulting Inc.

Why Your Church Should Shorten Worship

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 31, 2024

The slower paced days of the pandemic are now past. People are busier than ever. Even as attention spans are shortened. Yes, we all have the same 24 hours in a day we have ever had, but there are so many more things competing for our attention. The church in particular has felt the impact of this.

People have more worship options than ever before. Remote and asynchronous worship experiences have become standard for many people. But one thing you may not have explored is experimenting with the length of worship. In this article I want to make the case for why your church should shorten worship.

Worship Attendance Has Changed

The pandemic has forever altered worship expectations. In the height of the pandemic, many congregations reported that their worship attendance dropped by half. Even now, many congregations are still at 50-75% of pre-pandemic worship attendance levels. The Great Resignation impacted the church as well as the workplace. Yes, it could well be that people simply aren’t interested in worship. Or they are not interested in the way your congregation conducts worship. On the other hand, the answer might be simpler. It could be that with all that competes for their attention one, 60-70 minutes of worship is simply too much of a time commitment to make. For instance, I know that would attend more yoga classes if they were offered in 30-minute increments. I simply don’t or won’t make time for a 60- or 90-minute class. I have too much else going on that I also care about.

In a bit, we’ll talk about how to construct the perfect 45-minute worship service. But first, let’s address a falsehood that may prevent you from ever experimenting with the length of worship.

The Myth that Worship Has Always Been One Hour Long

So much of our faith is derived from biblical principles and practices that you may assume that the length of worship is prescribed in the Bible. Therefore, if church services run over 1 hour, it’s cause for handwringing. Or if worship is less than 1 hour, something important is being left out. However, that is not the case. Biblical examples of worship range from spontaneous prayers offered up at an outdoor altar, such as Jacob’s experience at Peniel (Genesis 32) to Ezra’s half day recitation of the book of the law (Nehemiah 8). It’s not the length of worship that matters, it is the encounter with God that matters.

Shortened Worship Services Work

I recently met with Visionary and Connecting Presbyter, Jennifer Burns Lewis. This denominational executive shared with me a beautiful and unexpected result of the pandemic. During the pandemic, many congregations in her Indiana presbytery conducted 45 min worship services so that people weren’t unnecessarily sharing air.

As the pandemic ended, 60-70% of churches in the presbytery have kept their shortened worship services in place.

“Guess what?” Jennifer asked. “No one is complaining, and worship numbers have stayed steady.” In fact, Burns Lewis reported that there was a remarkable uptick in numbers from the first Sunday in Advent until now. “It is like someone turned a page and the days of sorrow are over,” she remarked, with wonder in her voice.

Worship Changes with the Times

In truth, worship content and length has always varied. First century Christians practiced daily in-home worship. As the number of believers grew, early Christians met for both a Sunday gathering based on Synagogue liturgy, and then on another day for a Love Feast to fill the obligation to worship Jesus. As the believers eventually moved away from Judaism, they blended the two into a single day service on Sunday, often held in public buildings. In later centuries, factors such as denomination, location, and the influence of individual ministers has had a big impact on how long worship services have lasted. In the early parts of the 19^th century, many services lasted up to 3 hours. Yet, as society shifted to busier schedules and shortened attention spans, by the end of the 1800’s most Protestant denominations adapted a 1-hour service. Regional differences have played a role in the length of a worship service in the United States, too. The South, and rural areas, traditionally maintain a longer worship service. Black worship services tend to run longer than white majority services.

Creating The Perfect 45-Minute Worship Service

Now that you are open to why your church should shorten worship, I want to share two options for creating the perfect 45- minute worship service.

OPTION 1

If your congregation’s culture is more tradition-focused, you can still have a shortened classical Christian worship service. A shortened service can be drawn from the second century pattern of worship: greeting, response, offering, eucharist prayer, communion, benediction, dismissal. Notice that the sermon is absent. If you wish to add in a brief sermon (5-15 minutes), you can do a shortened communion service. This format will open more time for those who may wish to meet in smaller groups to reflect and discuss message of the service.

OPTION 2

Here is a second pattern of worship that is more free-flowing, and that appeals more to the spiritual but not religious. It is also very family friendly. I call it the 3 S’s of Post-Pandemic Community. The three components include: being social, being spiritual, and being of service. In a service like this, be sure to include time to greet each other, have an experiential time of connecting with the Spirit of God, and an opportunity to be of service to others. This outward-focused service can look like making sandwiches for the homeless or putting together flood buckets. These opportunities to be of service are akin to the offering of the second century.

Next Steps

Times have changed. Worship can change with it. Would you like to learn more about how to create a culture of renewal in these post-pandemic times? I’m inviting you to come to a 90-minute exploration of How Christian Ministries Are Achieving Success. You can also sign up for a free, personalized 40-minute Discovery Session.

Solving the Dilemma of Clergy Burnout – A Culture of Renewal

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 24, 2024

Clergy burnout is a pressing topic in today’s spiritual communities. We recognize that things need to change. But what? In looking at causes of clergy burnout, so far I have identified three factors: the impact of a fixed mindset, the pace of leadership change within congregations, and the sense that clergy are in it by themselves.

In this article, we will look at the fourth and final factor that contributes to clergy burnout: the culture of decline in churches. Not surprisingly, the solution is a culture of renewal. So, I will reveal three secret ingredients of my award-winning program, Creating a Culture of Renewal®. In this way, you can begin the process of implementing renewal in your setting now.

First – let’s ask an important question. How can you tell if your congregation is experiencing a culture of decline, or if it’s just experiencing temporary setbacks? Let’s take a deeper look.

Clergy Burnout Dilemma #4

Many mainline churches now operate in a culture of decline. Things aren’t what they used to be. As the percentage of “nones and dones” grow, the church has to fight to stay relevant. Even though what we have to offer remains as important as ever. In an increasingly polarized world, coming together to declare a gospel of unity, peace, and love seems passé.

In the church, the culture of decline is reinforced through three stubborn obstacles: a persistent focus on personalities, the past, and only engaging what is predictable. That means clergy attention is highjacked away from building forward momentum. Likely, you’re spending too much time soothing people and making sure folks don’t get mad. You’re probably also being asked to continually refocus on the traditions of the past instead of the possibilities of the present. Yet, predictable ideas lead to predictable results. It goes without saying that predictability doesn’t require any faith at all.

Bottom line: it’s hard to be prophetic, visionary, and risk-taking when you are up against these three stubborn obstacles.

The Myth of Many Problems

Dealing with the three stubborn obstacles exacerbates clergy burnout. But even more so, clergy burnout is perpetuated by one deadly myth. This is the myth that a church in decline has many problems that must be solved. In my decade plus work with congregations, I’ve identified eight distinct dynamics that manifest in a church in decline. They include:

Shrinking numbers
Problem people
Stagnant giving
Listless worship
Gutless prayer
Bait and switch evangelism
Insulated focus
Dead-end decision-making

You may think of these eight dynamics as eight separate problems that require eight different solutions. But the truth is these eight dynamics are but symptoms with one common denominator: the lack of a bold, compelling vision for the future.

Certified Renewalists Make a Difference

When Rev. Drew Willson of Richmond, Virginia joined Creating a Culture of Renewal®, his congregation was stuck in the myth of many problems. Drew inherited a congregation in decline. There was an average of 10 – 15 people attending, financial struggles, lack of commitment to change, and a “culture centered around the previous pastor.” Yet, Drew knew that in the face of fear and decline, he needed to refocus on the future. He knew he needed an entire culture shift, not just a temporary fix.

Through Creating a Culture of Renewal®, Drew led his congregation towards a bold, compelling vision for the future: “Extending God’s Table for All”. Together with the laity, they started a meal-sharing program. The church also began partnering with other denominations and a mobile health clinic to offer vaccines to underserved communities. Additionally, they joined forces with a nearby church to bring their congregations together in ministry. Instead of looking to the past, together they started looking for ways to bolster the welfare of the city.

The result? A congregation that has grown to 150 people. A culture shift towards laity-empowered ministry. Partnering with another church to become a single congregation with a forward-looking vision. Congregation members and church leadership coming together to create a community of renewal. In short, a miraculous shift in culture occurred.

In the process, Rev. Drew Willson earned his Certified Renewalist credential.

How Do You Create a Culture of Renewal?

In Creating a Culture of Renewal®, we have innovated a process that is proven to shift a culture of decline into a culture of renewal. I’d like to share with you three of our secret ingredients. But first let me tell you this surprising truth: renewal doesn’t come by changing and fixing external factors like shrinking numbers, stagnated giving, or insulated focus. Instead, renewal begins in the mindset and consciousness of the leader.

FIRST SECRET INGREDIENT: THE PLATINUM RULE

The Platinum Rule is a variation of the Golden Rule. Rather than assuming that everyone is just like you, the Platinum Rule teaches you to treat others the way they want to be treated. When you treat people the way they want to be treated, they feel seen, heard, and respected. This empowers you to bring out the best contributions of each of your people. You even learn how to bring out the best in those who frustrate you the most.

SECOND SECRET INGREDIENT: DREAMING LIKE JESUS

To displace the systemic culture that reinforces decline, you must enact a new vision for the future. This vision, or Jesus-like dream, must be outward focused rather than a church improvement plan. Only by being an agent of transformation for the community you serve will you transform the eight symptoms of a church in decline. Paradoxically, this outward focus will cause your church to improve.

THIRD SECRET INGREDIENT: ADVANCING FROM DISCIPLESHIP TO APOSTLESHIP

Disciples don’t make other disciples. Apostles do. That means to grow the Kingdom, you’ll need to advance from the faith of a disciple to the faith of an apostle. In order to move from discipleship to apostleship, you will need to up-level your faith. Apostleship requires not only having faith in Jesus but daring to have the faith of Jesus. This expanded faith will allow you to participate with God in the realm of the miraculous. Thus enabling you and your people to bring your Jesus-like dream to life.

Are you a clergy member experiencing burnout in a culture of decline? Does renewal and a big vision seem out of reach? It’s time to try something brand new. Something that will take you out of the realm of tried-and-true behaviors, and into the unknown. It won’t be as predictable, but it will be exhilarating. We have 12 years of experience helping church leaders shift their mindset. Join me in my next free 90-minute online seminar, “How Christian Ministries are Achieving Success”, to learn how you too can break the cycle of decline and lead your congregation into a vibrant culture of renewal. Miracles are possible!

Solving the Dilemma of Clergy Burnout – An Empowered Laity

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 15, 2024

Clergy are the heartbeat of churches, yet they seem perpetually on the edge of burnout. That sets up a real dilemma. The church depends on them. And yet, maybe depends too much. This is why I’ve been looking at the factors that contribute to clergy burnout. So far, we have looked at two factors: the impact of a fixed mindset and the pace of leadership change within congregations.

But those aren’t the only two factors at play in clergy burnout. Another key factor is the sense that clergy are in it by themselves. That the success of the ministry depends solely or mostly on the clergyperson.

In this article I will explore the dilemma of clergy burnout caused by stress and isolation in the clergy role. And reveal how an empowered laity can bring renewal to both you, as clergy, and the congregation you lead. First, let’s take a closer look at the problem.

Clergy Burnout Dilemma #3

When I pastored churches, I was acutely aware of the tension inherent in my role. Professional boundaries cautioned me against forming deep friendships with members of the congregation. By definition, it was my job to create community to which I would never fully belong. This is a tough spot to be in.

It creates a perpetual sense of not belonging which reinforces the sense of isolation. This feeling of loneliness may lead to pushing harder, overextending yourself, and then deprioritizing self-care. Once self-care is put on the back burner, you’re less likely to take days off and vacations. Let alone renewal leave. Meanwhile, the sense of burnout increases until you’re toast.

It reminds me of the Barna survey which named the top two reasons pastors consider quitting: the immense stress of the job (56%) and feeling lonely and isolated (43%). It doesn’t have to be this way.

Before we get to the solution that an empowered laity provides, let’s look at one dangerous myth that could derail everything: the myth of the solo leader.

The Myth of The Solo Leader

Because of the uniqueness of Jesus, whose leadership we emulate, church leaders fall prey to the myth that they have to do it by themselves. Congregations also fall prey to the myth that only clergy can or should lead. The dynamics of congregational decline reinforce this myth. Perhaps it seems as though there is truly no one to help the leader. Sometimes, clergy simply underestimate the ability of their laity. Or congregations overemphasize the role of clergy. In this way, the congregation inadvertently contributes to clergy burnout dilemma #3: stress and isolation. This dangerous myth of the solo leader kills clergy and congregations. The truth is Jesus was not a solo leader. He had people who forwarded his vision. You have people, too. You just have to look for them.

Empowered Laity Make a Difference

Through Creating a Culture of Renewal® I have witnessed both clergy burnout and laity disempowerment. Ironically, they stem from the same source: the myth of solo leadership. It is laity that showed me the solution.

Jim Granger, a retired military commander, is also a Creating a Culture of Renewal® grad and Certified Renewalist. As a man who has led in a variety of settings, he could see that clergy burnout needed a solution. In the face of proposed consolidation in the Eastern Shore District of the Virginia Annual Conference of the UMC, Jim noted, “Laity is the only source of additional resources. The Lay Servant Ministry committee is the means to bring laity into positions of greater responsibility. The time is now—clergy burnout is a real issue.”

Jim’s vision: Enhance Lay Servant Ministries on the Eastern Shore. This vision involved having one Certified Lay Servant for every 15 members of a congregation as well as 5 Certified Lay Speakers, and 5 Certified Lay Ministers for the District. His vision was met with a very strong reception by the District Superintendent and was at the core of a new district consolidation plan.

Through him, and other dedicated Lay Leaders, I have witnessed the difference an empowered laity can make. It can be easy to expect a clergy member to do it all and forget that congregations are full of people who want to respond to the call of God.

Laity Training

Every denomination has processes to train and empower laity. These roles may be variously called lay ministry, deacons, commissioned lay pastors, or lay servants. Let’s take a closer look at the plan of laity empowerment laid out by the United Methodist Church. The UMC process has four basic levels of training: Lay Leader, Certified Lay Servant, Certified Lay Speaker, Certified Lay Minister.

LAY LEADERS

In the UMC, every congregation, District, and Conference has lay leaders whose role is to partner with the clergy. The The Association of Annual Conference Lay Leaders is a key resource for Lay Leaders. Also, Annual Conferences have Laity Sessions and I have been delighted to speak at a variety of them.

CERTIFIED LAY SERVANT

UMC Certified Lay Servants are empowered laity who serve their local church. They assist the clergy by providing program leadership, training, congregational and community leadership, and conducting worship. By becoming teachers of Scripture and doctrine, Certified Lay Servants help build community and connection within a church.

CERTIFIED LAY SPEAKER

In the UMC, a Certified Lay Servant can receive additional training to become a Certified Lay Speaker. These laypersons partner with clergy and the ministry team to serve by preaching. Their role is to fulfill the need for a pulpit supply.

Perhaps the clergy member has a child who is participating in a weekend sporting event across the state. With a certified lay speaker, they no longer need to decide between their family and their work. A Certified Lay Speaker allows the clergyperson to take days off, vacations, or renewal leave.

CERTIFIED LAY MINISTER

A UMC Certified Lay Minister is an appointed role that becomes a vital part of a ministry team. A Certified Lay Minister assists the clergy to provide worship services and congregational care. They help build the church’s vision by developing faith communities and establishing outreach ministry in the community. A certified lay minister may also be responsible for church planting, children’s worship, parish nursing, and more.

When a church discovers its big vision, a certified lay minister exists to help the clergy make this a reality. Being trained to establish and cultivate the vision allows a certified lay minister to engage with the community.

Say Yes to Laity

There’s one kicker here. In order for an Empowered Laity to be effective and to alleviate clergy burnout, clergy have to say yes to laity! You have to allow yourself to be assisted and supported. This can be hard to do.

Join me to learn more about how clergy and laity can empower each other in one of my free 90-minute online seminars “How Christian Ministries are Achieving Success”. Make this the year you say yes to renewal and embark on a journey that leaves burnout behind!

Solving the Dilemma of Clergy Burnout – Intentional Interim Ministry

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 9, 2024

What causes clergy to burn out? The answers are complex. There are a number of factors to be teased apart. Last week, we looked at the impact of a fixed mindset – both in individuals and in the system. This week we’ll look at another factor that contributes to clergy burnout – the pace of leadership change within congregations. In this second blog of the “Solving the Dilemma of Clergy Burnout” series, we will explore the ways that Intentional Interim Ministry offer a practical solution to clergy burnout during leadership change.

To begin, let’s look at two distinct ways that the pace of leadership change can impact both clergy and the congregations that they serve.

Prolonged Leadership Change

In many denominations, there’s an extended lag time between clergy leaders. Denominational processes take a long time to replace one clergy person with the next. For instance, congregational churches, such as the American Baptist Churches USA and The Presbyterian Church (USA), call their own pastor. The call process can be long and arduous.

In the meantime, these congregations may put new plans for growth on pause for years at a time. This slow pace of change creates a system that values process over results, and caution over curiosity.

The impact of a prolonged process of leadership change is that momentum is lost, and stagnation can become the norm. When the new clergy leader shows up, the task of re-invigorating a stagnant congregation can be overwhelming.

Rapid Leadership Change

On the other hand, in itinerant, appointive systems such as the United Methodist Church, congregations go through rapid, often frequent, change in clergy. In these congregations, there is little time to reflect or breathe between pastors. The pastor may leave one church at the end of June and begin preaching at the next church the very first week of July.

As you can imagine, there is often no time set aside for either pastor or congregation to let go of the past, to heal from any wounds, to re-orient toward the new, or to get ready for what is next.

This rapid pace of change is a recipe for frustration and failure for both congregation and clergy. This is especially true if the previous pastor was long term, or beloved, or both. In this case, “the new person” will likely have a hard time gaining traction.

Intentional Interim Ministry

These days, I’m a big proponent of Intentional Interim Ministry. Recently, I worked with two organizations, Transitional Intentional Interim Ministry Specialists Association (TIIMSA) and the Interim Ministry Network (IMN), to think creatively about ministry in these times. Both organizations exist to train Intentional Interim Ministers to step in and ensure that the transition phase of a congregation is positive.

Whether your congregation is used to drawn-out or rapid leadership change, Intentional Interim Ministry can help alleviate clergy burnout. Let’s take a closer look at what Intentional Interim Ministry provides.

Intentional

Intentional means a pastor who is trained specifically to help a congregation transition from what was to what can be. This experienced pastor guides a realistic process of change based on the needs of the congregation. An Intentional Interim Minister directs a congregation towards looking inward to discover their mission and find renewal.

Interim

Interim is the period of time between clergy leaders. It can last between 6 months and 2 years. During this time, an Intentional Interim Minister will set the church up for healing and reflection on what worked, or what didn’t work with the previous clergy. The Intentional Interim Minister empowers the congregation to receive and work well with a new pastor. Not only are Intentional Interim Ministers trained to provide leadership to congregations between clergy leaders, they also lead through closure and redevelopment. They may also serve as consultants to congregations in conflict.

Ministry

The training and the work of the Intentional Interim Minister is five-fold. Generally, they help the church come to terms with its history and to discover a new identity. They guide needed changes in leadership. They also renew denominational ties among members. Finally, the Intentional Interim Minister helps the church commit to new directions in ministry. With this level of emotional and spiritual stability, the congregation is now poised to move with a new pastor toward a new, big vision.

From Burnout to Renewal

Post-pandemic and post-disaffiliation, every church needs transitional leadership! I’m grateful that I was able to work with TIIMSA and IMN last year, and I’m happy to give a shout out to these organizations during times of distress and decline. Together with Creating a Culture of Renewal®, we are moving towards a renewed life for the church.

While you may not have benefited from Intentional Interim Ministry, perhaps you are experiencing a Readiness for Renewal. We’ve created a short-term, high impact offering just for you. If you’d rather start with a conversation, reach out and let’s talk about navigating the pace of change of your congregation while helping to banish burnout!

Solving the Dilemma of Clergy Burnout – Moving the Mindset

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Dec 28, 2023

Churches are struggling. Spiritually, missionally, and financially. This isn’t news to anyone, especially to the leaders bearing the brunt of this culture of decline. And what are the reasons for this?

For one, there’s reluctance. Leaders often experience a strong resistance to new ideas. Aging congregations, as so many of them are now, can be set in their ways. Change isn’t an option for them. Reactivity is rampant and leaders, like you, are constantly putting out fires, no time left to ever actually move forward with a new vision.

Then, there’s the overwhelming sense of resignation. “Well, we already tried that, and it doesn’t work around here.” And, of course, we’ve got the “isms” and “phobias” (sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia) …the list goes on. It’s no wonder decline is rampant among many denominations, and that clergy burnout is on the rise.

So how do you solve this? In the coming weeks, I am going to explore solutions for modern-day churches and leaders. I will talk about the mindsets that are holding people back, the institutional church, lay servant ministry, and how to achieve a culture of renewal. The dilemma of clergy burnout can be solved. Let’s start by looking at mindsets.

The Dilemma of Clergy Burnout

The Great Pastor Resignation was part of the post-pandemic Great Resignation. Pews emptied out. And so did clergy. In September of 2023, Rev. Alex Lang wrote a compelling article about his reasons for leaving the pastorate. He told them, “I no longer have a desire to serve as a pastor in the church. In my sermon, I told my congregation that I was exhausted from writing, memorizing and preaching sermons week after week for 10 years, which is true.” Lang goes on to make some points that are helpful to see things the way they are. And he’s not alone.

In March of 2022, Barna did a national survey of pastors and found that 42% were considering quitting. What were their top five reasons? 56% of these pastors stated the immense stress of the job was their top reason. Many felt lonely and isolated (43%). Then, 38% report the current political divisions as a reason for leaving. Unhappiness with the effect their role has had on family and not being optimistic about the future of the church both come in at 29%.

Stress. Isolation. Division. Family Impact. Church Decline. These responses are not surprising given what is expected of you as church leaders. As Lang has noted, pastors take on a variety of roles: You must be a professional speaker, a CEO, a counselor, a fundraiser, a human resources director, a master of ceremonies, and a constant pillar of virtue. Wearing so many hats means that burnout is inevitable. In any other job setting, different people would be performing each of these jobs, sometimes multiple people. Nobody is capable of being proficient at all of these skills. Even with the fabulous skills we teach in Creating a Culture of Renewal! And yet, you are expected to take on each of these tasks, and do them well, for way less than you deserve.

What is the Mindset?

Lang noted that his church, like many others, began to split during the Trump years. People in his church left because he was perceived as either too liberal or too conservative. The constant anger and bickering left him exhausted. In the United Methodist Church, this polarization took the shape of disaffiliations.

There is a concept of growth vs. fixed mindset that applies to churches in decline. A growth mindset is when a person is willing to take chances, enjoys learning new things, and is not afraid to fail. Conversely, people with fixed mindsets don’t like to be challenged. They perceive failure as revealing the limit of their abilities. They tend to fear learning new things, particularly if that education disrupts their current worldview.

Lang noted that he thought that the reason people gathered every Sunday was to explore deep questions about life and to push themselves to become better humans. What he, and we, have learned is that this assumption isn’t necessarily accurate.

Although there are definitely some people who come to church for the reasons outlined above (Lang noted these were some of his biggest supporters), the majority of people who attend churches are in the fixed mindset category. Most Christians don’t want their thinking challenged. Rather, they want to learn more about what they already believe.

Now, I don’t know that I believe that ALL Christians are like that, but certainly mindset is a factor in the struggles that many churches are experiencing today. Here is what is most arresting. Lang’s conclusion was “My particular skillset and perspective is a mismatch for the institutional church.”

I get it. I have felt that way myself. In September I wrote an article with compassion for what Lang had written, but here’s what I’ve learned. In some ways, this conclusion itself is demonstrative of a fixed mindset. Yes. Here’s what I mean: when all the problems are external, i.e. the system is the problem or the people are the problem that is fixed mindset territory. But what if that mindset itself shifted? Could new solutions then arise? The answer is yes.

Moving from a fixed mindset to one that fosters growth isn’t easy. It takes you, as your congregation’s leader, to skillfully move past the resistance and reluctance into acceptance and eagerness to change. In order to experience growth and to survive as a church, change is inevitable. January’s blog series “Solving the Dilemma of Clergy Burnout” will explore positive, empowering solutions to deliver you and your congregation from a culture of decline and into a culture of renewal.

If you’d like to learn more, my three year, award-winning, group coaching program, Creating a Culture of Renewal® will help you move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Decline gives way to the miraculous. Registration for the Fall 2024 community of Creating a Culture of Renewal is now open. If you’d rather start with a conversation, reach out and let’s talk about changing the mindset of your congregation while helping to banish burnout!

Note: this blog has been revised and updated to correct the name of the pastor quoted. His name is Rev. Alex Lang, not Langford. We have also revised the blog to give full attribution to his ideas. Thanks to one of our readers for catching the error in his name. Our apologies for the errors. 1/4/24.

Infusing Christmas Love in Conversations and Conflict

by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Dec 27, 2023

Christmas has just passed, leaving behind a trail of excitement, anticipation, and leftover wrapping paper. It’s a time of gathering with loved ones to exchange gifts and enjoy delicious meals. However, as members of the faith community, we must remember that the true essence of Christmas transcends a single day of gift-giving and indulgence. The love of Christmas presents an opportunity to infuse advocacy and activism into our oral traditions.

Advocacy is about celebrating the fullness of Jesus’s Christmas love. You might think of the work of advocacy as just something that happens outside of your family and home. However, conversations with your loved ones can also be powerful tools for promoting love and compassion. You can connect with your friends and family on crucial social issues and inspire them to join you in action. By intertwining advocacy and activism into your post-Christmas conversations, you can forge meaningful experiences that bring you closer and create a lasting impact on the world. You can also use this time to educate yourself on different perspectives and learn to listen actively without judgment. Let’s explore some ways that advocating Christmas love all year can be infused with conversations and conflict.

Infusing Love in Conversation

Love is a universal longing, particularly heightened during the holiday season. Yet, advocating for it can be a year-long endeavor with the people you regularly spend time with. It can be challenging to establish authentic communication amidst the day-to-day hustle but by prioritizing meaningful conversations, you invest in your emotional well-being. It’s never too late to start having more authentic conversations, especially in the days following Christmas.

I would like to provide you with a few suggestions on practical ways to start the conversation:

Discuss Current Events: One of the most straightforward ways to bring up advocacy within your home is to discuss current events during family conversations. You can discuss the ongoing refugee crisis and the importance of supporting displaced individuals. This discussion can initiate additional conversations on how your family can make a difference close to home. Having this conversation will help your family consider supporting relevant charities, volunteering at local refugee centers, or advocating for meaningful reforms, including those related to immigration policies.

Share Personal Stories and Experiences: A powerful way to advocate for social issues is to share personal stories and experiences. Not everyone is fortunate enough to experience post-Christmas abundance. Maybe during a food drive, you spoke with a family or individual who was struggling with food insecurity. You’ve probably also volunteered at a homeless shelter handing out warm clothes and blankets. Talk about the people you met and the stories they shared with you. This will help humanize the issue and could inspire your family members to act.

Initiate Book or Movie Clubs with Advocacy Themes: Another practical way to spark meaningful conversations about advocacy is by initiating a book or movie club focusing on social inequity. Select books or movies that shed light on relevant topics such as gender inequality, racial profiling, LGBTQIA+ phobias, human trafficking, and more. Gather your family and friends for a discussion after reading a book or watching a movie. This can help create a safe space for open dialogue and encourage critical thinking.

Infusing Love in Conflict

Conflict is a part of every relationship. You may find that your friends and family do not share the same views or beliefs as you, and having conversations with them can be stressful. Sometimes a simple misunderstanding can turn into a resentment that will fracture a relationship. Connecting with your loved ones and cultivating deeper relationships built on trust and open communication is essential.

Here are a few tips for fostering meaningful conversations with family and friends that might not share the same views as you:

Set Aside Time to Talk Without Distractions: You can’t have a connected conversation if you are distracted. Turn off the television, put your phone on Do Not Disturb, and find a quiet space to sit and connect. You will be more likely to cultivate understanding in an environment free from all the little interruptions.

Actively Listen: When you listen, seek to understand rather than respond. By listening to what the other person has to say without trying to plead your case, you engage in meaningful conversation. This also allows you to give a safe space to others to communicate their point of view that they may not have elsewhere.

Respect Different Opinions: If everyone had the same opinion, the world would be a boring place. You can think and feel differently about something and still maintain respect and open dialogue with others. When you practice being respectful of differing opinions, you build trust in relationships and open your mind to new ideas.

Share Resources and Information: Learning more about the topic being discussed helps both parties. If it is an issue that matters to you, come to the conversation with information that the other person might not have considered. Offer resources from agencies that focus on the causes that are important to you and let your loved one consider this information on their own.

As we wrap up the holiday season, let us remember the true meaning of Christmas – the giving of love and compassion. While it may be easy to get caught up in the rush of gift shopping and festive parties, remember that this time of year holds so much potential for positively impacting our communities and personal relationships.

My heart is deeply committed to helping churches not only express love but to do so courageously. Courageous love extends its arms to the marginalized, projects a voice for the voiceless, and relentlessly advocates for justice. It is a love that dares to change the world and dares to invite others to join the mission.

I invite you to my upcoming seminar, “How Christian Ministries are Achieving Success: An Introduction to Creating a Culture of Renewal®” on Tuesday, January 2, 2024, between 10:00-11:30 am MT or Noon-1:30 pm ET. This 90-minute online seminar is free and designed for you if you wish your leadership could make a tangible difference for the church, your community, and the Kingdom of God.

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