6 Ways to Work with People You Don’t Like (To Work With)

6 Ways to Work with People You Don’t Like (To Work With)

by | Nov 1, 2022

We all have to work with people that we don’t necessarily like. Maybe they are always negative, or perhaps unceasingly positive. No matter the reason, there are people who rub us the wrong way, or simply, can be tough to get along with. However, to be successful in your ministry, you must find a way to work with all kinds of people. Even those you don’t like. The Platinum Rule is an excellent tool for doing just that. In this blog post, I will share with you 6 ways to work with people you don’t like (to work with).

First, I’ll name different kinds of people. Then I’ll give you specific ways to apply the Platinum Rule to work with these people you don’t necessarily like.

Before we get started, let me offer a word of caution. As you scan the list, you may think, “I don’t need to read about that kind person. I get along great with them.” But don’t skip over the descriptions of people you’re already comfortable working with. Instead, I encourage you to read all six examples. Not only will you feel affirmed, but I believe you will find new Platinum Rule strategies to upgrade your relationship with each kind of person.

Now, on to the six kinds of people and ways to work with them even if you don’t like to.

 

6 Kinds of People You Don’t Like to Work With, and How to Do it Anyway

 

  1. Fast-Paced People

When working with people who like to go much faster than you, don’t get thrown by their pace. Chances are, you are more moderate-paced and cautious or conscientious. You may like to take a slower pace to make sure you’ve thought of all contingencies and taken care of all concerns. There’s a benefit, however, to working with fast-paced people. They often bring new ideas, or fresh courage that will benefit both you and the congregation. So, don’t skip working with these people. Instead, listen for the results they are after, and the ideas they are proposing. Often, fast-paced people want to get things done so they can move on to the next project that will also be beneficial. So, instead of trying to slow them down, contribute details and suggest systems that will aid in the process of getting to the result. Knowing that you are making a contribution to a desired result, while not putting on the brakes, may help you feel more comfortable with their pace.

 

  1. Fact-Finders

People who insist on gathering far too many facts before acting while you’re chomping at the bit can be an exercise in patience. Fact-finding may feel like it’s slowing the process to the point where it hinders you from taking necessary action. It may even feel like the window of opportunity is closing. So what I’m about to say will seem counter intuitive. Ask yourself: Is the fact-finder being thorough in order to ensure that you have all the particulars necessary for you to succeed? Rather than working against you, is this person actually on your side? Chances are, they want you to succeed. If so, you’ll notice that the fact-finder’s intention to make informed decisions will help you in the long run.

 

  1. Intuitives

What do you do when the person you have to work with doesn’t make logical sense? When you can’t follow what they’re saying? It’s like doing math and not showing the work. It can be infuriating! It’s important to understand that some people trust their intuition, or their gut, more than others. There’s a good reason for this. Intuitives find that their gut is one of their best resources in decision-making. If you are working with an intuitive, ask questions rooted in curiosity, not judgment. Curiosity will allow them to expand on their intuition and explain how it connects with the work and decisions at hand. If your logic and their intuition are at an impasse, try to provide the other person with evidence or facts to help them understand your position.

 

  1. Interior-Processors

Some people like to get it all worked out in their heads before they even say a word out loud.  This can make it hard to work together. Especially if you are a verbal processor. Their lack of engagement may make you feel judged or ignored. However, it’s important to understand that interior processors need extra time to gather and evaluate their thoughts. Verbal processors, however, can think and talk at the same time. When the interior processor is ready to share ideas, listen carefully, and try to see things from a different point of view. Often when working with people who like to think a bit before speaking, it is helpful if you can have a transparent process or structure for the project. This will help them feel more comfortable sharing their ideas. Sometimes creating a safe space for people to share ideas without the fear of criticism is all people need to move from working in silos to working well with others.

 

  1. Adaptives

Adaptives believe they have a limited amount of influence in any given situation, because “that’s just the way things are.” So they adapt themselves to the current reality, rather than try to change it. This can be frustrating if you can see potential in almost every situation. While it can be good to be optimistic, it is more important to understand where the other person is coming from. An adaptive person likely has seen things go wrong in the past. Their caution or realism may stem from not wanting to get their hopes up just to have things fall apart. When working with an adaptive, focusing on incremental positive change rather than wholesale transformation. Look close to home for places to invest your energy and resources, rather than to grander visions that can be harder to monitor or influence. Invite adaptives to name successes in your work together. Honor their focus and celebrate the wins that come.

 

  1. Possibility People

While adaptives opt for do-able wins and local impact, possibility people see options for greatness around every corner. This worldview can drive you nuts when you haven’t seen evidence that would support that level of hopefulness. Possibility people may not understand your concerns, and worse yet, ignore your input. They may minimize your measured approach by calling it negative. However, it is essential to know that possibility people can effectively challenge the status quo, making way for new ministries to be revealed. When working with possibility people, try to see things from their perspective. Allow yourself the space to test previously held assumptions about what can be accomplished. You may find at times that because of their views, your accomplishments together are more significant than you could have imagined.

 

The Platinum Rule Revealed

The above scenarios reveal an important aspect of the Platinum Rule: “Treat others how they want to be treated.” That means respecting the pace, processes, approaches, mindsets, and values that come naturally to them, even if they are a stretch for you. Practicing the Platinum Rule is a great way to ensure that you demonstrate respect for others.  Getting caught up in your way of doing things is easy, but it is essential to remember that not everyone is the same. If you want to be successful in working with people you don’t like (to work with) you’ve got to be willing to adapt to the preferences of others from time to time. This is empathy in action. It says: “I am willing to work together to find a solution.”

I hope you have found these 6 ways to work with people you don’t like (to work with) helpful. Even so, it can take practice to integrate these principles into your relationships. That’s why I’ve created the Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times workshop. It will give you the tools and skills necessary to create better relationships with all the people around you. Even the people you don’t like (to work with). Learn more and register here.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com. All Rights Reserved.

3 Reasons Churches Need the Platinum Rule

3 Reasons Churches Need the Platinum Rule

by | Oct 18, 2022

Change is the name of the game in church these days. Even so, one thing remains the same: the importance of building positive relationships with people. Whatever else may change, people are your most valuable resource. And, at times, your most challenging one, too. For the busy leader, managing a wide variety of relationships can be very trying. Especially during times of rapid change. That’s why I want to share with you the three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule.

 

The Golden Rule vs the Platinum Rule

First, let’s get clear on what the Platinum Rule is, and how it differs from the Golden Rule.

The Platinum Rule is like the Golden Rule in that it points to best practices in human relationships. But “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” doesn’t always go far enough. This is especially true in this age of offendability, polarization, and quick contempt for people who are different. When Jesus and other teachers of his time taught the Golden Rule, it was revolutionary because it emphasized similarity among people.

But these days, our focus has tended toward our differences, rather than our similarities. As life continues to evolve, developing empathy for those who are different is a key quality to add to our understanding of loving relationships.

So the Platinum Rule, “Treat people the way they want to be treated,” is an important principle for these days. It takes the focus off of your particular preferences (the way you want to be treated) and puts the spotlight on the preferences of your neighbor (the way they want to be treated.) The Platinum Rule also reflects a growing awareness of the need for emotional intelligence.

When churches embrace this wisdom, they have an incredible opportunity to create a safe and loving place for community to flourish, differences and all. Without further ado, let me share with you the top three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule.

 

Three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule

  1. The Platinum Rule allows you to honor the dignity and personhood of those who are different than you. 

If there is one distinguishing characteristic of the world right now, it’s that there is so much diversity. This ranges from what people prefer to be called, to how people identify themselves, to what people believe, to country of origin, to ethnic and cultural differences. You may not always agree with others, or even understand them, but by treating people the way they want to be treated, you offer them the highest form of respect and love.

Let’s say you’re not sure whether to refer to someone as Latino, Hispanic or Latinx. (Latinx is a gender-neutral term.) What do you say when you’re just not sure? The Platinum Rule gives you permission to ask, without shame or fear. And it gives permission to the other to share their answer with you, again without shame or fear.

In this case, using the Platinum Rule is a powerful way of honoring and respecting the dignity of individual people, and of uplifting the person that God has created each of them to be.

 

  1. The Platinum Rule is a way to love your neighbor as yourself.

This comes from letting go of ego and the need to be “right.” Now, I know that this isn’t easy because inherently, almost everyone likes to be right. But, by needing to be right, you automatically make someone else “wrong.” This wears on a relationship.

When you give up the need to be “right,” you also release your neighbor from having to be “wrong.” As you refrain from judgement, you also gain the capacity to be comfortable with nearly everybody, even as others can be comfortable with you.

The Platinum Rule gets you off the seesaw of judgementalism, and places you on an even playing field with other human beings. Not only does this make more love available, it is countercultural in a world that can’t wait to choose up sides.

 

  1. The Platinum Rule allows you to bridge differences.

The Platinum Rule allows you to give people the benefit of the doubt, and to ascribe good motives to others. It allows you to understand the situation from another’s point of view. This doesn’t mean dropping your own values or compromising your own perspective. Instead, it means simply expanding your capacity to acknowledge different perspectives and values. Lastly, the Platinum Rule allows you to embrace differences, instead of trying to eliminate them. If we are all made in the image and likeness of God, then each individual has something to offer. Some of your strengths will be others’ weaknesses, and likewise, some of your weaknesses will be their strengths. Capitalize on that.

 

Platinum Rule Bonus

As you practice the Platinum Rule, you will find yourself becoming more self-regulated. If you’re more prone to accepting others, to seeing things from their perspective, and to looking for ways to bridge differences, likely you are coming from a calmer space. This kind of calm gives others permission to do the same. Calm thinking and deep faith allow you to tap into creativity and collaboration instead of polarization and contempt.

 

Next Steps

As you prepare to lead your church into a new season, remember to apply the Platinum Rule in your interactions. If you still aren’t quite sure how, or want to delve into this more deeply, join me for my upcoming workshop, Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times. Beginning November 3, this three-session, online workshop will help you better understand those who are different from you and expand your emotional intelligence to make the most out of every relationship.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com. All Rights Reserved.

The Role of the Church in Gun Violence

The Role of the Church in Gun Violence

by | Jun 14, 2022

In 1999, I was co-pastoring a church in Parker, Colorado when the Columbine shooting happened in the community next door. At that time, school shootings were relatively infrequent. It was wholly unbelievable that it had happened in our community. Even more unthinkable was that it would be the beginning of a decades-long battle, where these kinds of events became increasingly frequent.

The church was flooded with broken-hearted people who wanted to know why such a tragic event had taken place. We led a series of healing services in an attempt to deal with this devastating reality.

Pictures of the victims were in every newspaper and on every broadcast. I aimed to remember the name and story of each student and teacher who had been killed. I never thought I’d see the day where non-stop shootings made it impossible to remember all who have been lost. And now, here we are.

After the recent mass shooting at a Tulsa, OK medical clinic I texted my clergy colleague, James, who pastors in that community and asked what I could do to help. James replied with such a clear and powerful response that I promised to take action. I invite you to do so as well. But first, let me give you some background.

 

The Intensifying Problem of Gun Violence

In the last 3 months alone, there have been mass shootings at a Taiwanese church (Laguna Woods, California), a grocery store in a primarily black neighborhood (Buffalo, New York), an elementary school (Uvalde, Texas), and a medical center (Tulsa, Oklahoma). Sadly, this list is not comprehensive. These are just the stories that have made the national news.

Gun violence is at a higher rate than ever, even with stay-at-home orders being imposed for the greater part of 2020. According to the Pew Research Center, “The 2020 total [number of gun murders] represented a 34% increase from the year before, a 49% increase over five years and a 75% increase over 10 years.”

Yet, our methods of coping have not kept pace with the rise in gun violence. The pandemic badly disrupted our normal means of belonging, further worsening the situation. The government is often at a standstill on this matter. Churches struggling with dwindling attendance often feel overwhelmed with the idea of taking on potentially divisive issues. Thus we are left in a reactive mode when it comes to gun violence.

 

The Myth Behind Mass Shootings

With this background in mind, let me next dispel a common myth. That is, that there is only one kind of mass shooting and one kind of answer. But we can already see that schools, stores, medical clinics, and churches represent a range of public spaces. Add to that nightclubs, festivals, synagogues, mosques, homes, and places of work, and the list of where gun violence takes place goes on and on.

When it comes to fixing the problem—answers range there as well. Should we find help for the single, young, disturbed white male with poor mental health? Should we be concerned about the radical White supremacists that have infiltrated every corner of the internet and are spreading prejudice and intolerance to anyone who will listen? Should we get better gun policies?  Should we promote better school safety? Your answer may depend on your political leanings, or simply on your knowledge of the situation. Yet as much as we know, we seem to have taken action on precious little.

 

The Church’s Role in Gun Violence

James reminded me that the church does have a positive role to play in gun violence. One that goes beyond comforting victims and actually gets to root causes. “Prayers are appreciated, but the best thing we can do is to put pressure on politicians to get real about addressing the root problems. Mental health, common sense gun policies, the pervasive culture of hate and violence, and the deflection of responsibility. As a clergy leader, I am preaching, leading, and encouraging members of my community to take action.”

I love this list because it’s not either/or. It’s not us vs. them. And, it’s not beyond our reach. After all, our baptismal vows call us to resist evil, injustice, and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves, and to be a witness for the gospel of good.

 

Next Steps

As part of my commitment to take action, I’ll be addressing each of these components in turn through the lens of the church. As we continue to heal ourselves, our congregations, and our communities, I’d like to offer some suggestions for next steps you can take today or in the coming week:

  • Create space for conversation in your ministry setting. Gun violence impacts everybody, and everybody is concerned, no matter what their answers are for how to deal with it.
  • Plan to preach a series on these topics.
  • Tune into my upcoming Leadership Mojo broadcasts on Facebook Live, where I’ll discuss these topics with some special guests.
  • Join me for the next three blogs in this series for a more in-depth look into the four components that need to be addressed to impact gun violence.

I want to leave you with the following thought, which was published in a recent editorial featured in Intermountain Jewish News:

“There is no single answer to mass shootings. But there are answers. There is an all hands on deck approach. There is: both/and. Yes to better gun laws (as we have urged repeatedly). And, yes to additional mental health services (as we have also urged repeatedly). And, yes to federal standards of safety for schools (and, yes to Democrats and Republicans working together on this). And, yes to a painful process of national introspection on the decline in our personal mores and on the social media obsession that leaves so many isolated. And, yes to anti-bullying efforts… We owe it to [our children] ‘to do something.’ But, in our simplistic world ‘to do something’ has come to mean, ‘to find the solution.’ Which has also come to mean: to reject an opponent’s solution. Which means: do nothing.”

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

How Do We Do More with Less? A Post-Pandemic Answer

How Do We Do More with Less? A Post-Pandemic Answer

by | Jun 8, 2022

Over the past month, I’ve written a series of blogs addressing the three post-pandemic questions every church leader wants answered. The first two questions I explored were “When do things go back to normal?” and “How do we get people (back) to church?” This week I am diving into the third persistent question: “How do we do more with less?” By answering this question, you will be encouraged to see things in a new light and take your next steps. Although the pandemic took much from us, it also has given us potent opportunities to forge a new path and embrace the next normal.

 

The Problem

The question of how to do more with less worried churches even before the pandemic. Your church may have already been struggling or fighting against declining numbers. As you know, the shutdowns exacerbated this trend. Whether it be less money, less togetherness, or less resources, nearly every church leader I spoke with revealed that they were having to make do with less and the answer was nowhere in sight.

 

Avoid the Pitfall of Hopelessness

If you can relate to being stretched thin in ministry, you might be tempted to feel hopeless. However, take heart. While much was lost in the pandemic, much was also gained. Amidst all the losses, congregations were actually gaining in their ability to adapt to unexpected situations, incorporate new technology, and find creative ways of connecting and being together. In some ways, we grasped Christian hope more tightly than before.

For the last two years, the Creating a Culture of Renewal® community of church leaders has generously shared with me how they were both struggling and thriving in the midst of the pandemic. They struggled because they’d never been through a pandemic, but they also thrived because of the resources and support we offer. Their experiences gave me fresh insight, which I share in my new book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World.

While researching the book, I found that we are not the first Christians to wrestle with the question of how to do more with less. Those that went through the bubonic plague evolved technologically to cover the gaps left by the plague.

 

Tech Helps You Do More with Less

Just as we use Zoom and other online technologies to maximize our effort at connecting, so medieval society developed their own tech advances.

From the refinement of the printing press, to the mass production of books, to the rapid spread of information, to the active collaboration of a wide range of voices in science and the arts – all of this got its start during the bubonic plague.

After the bubonic plague was finally over (it last for three centuries), medieval society did not look back and say, “Thank goodness we can be done with books now and advances in the arts and sciences.” Rather, people who had a book in their hand for the first time looked forward to the future. They felt excitement and wonder as affordable books came into being.

Just as we have integrated technology into the life of the church – for meetings, Bible study, worship, and even communion – now is not the time to abandon those options. Technology has helped us do more with less. Even folks who don’t like to drive at night have an opportunity to be involved. Families with a sick child can attend worship and comfort their child at the same time. Adopting new technology has forever changed our expectations about what’s possible. As this pandemic ends, I doubt we will say, “Thank goodness! Now we don’t have to meet online anymore. We’ll happily drive two hours for a one-hour meeting.”

Like books expanded the reach of knowledge post-plague, online offerings erase distance, connect communities, and give instant access to new people and places post pandemic. Digital technology is the new reformation. The question is, now that you’re there, how will you stay and continue to adapt?

 

Online Is Here to Stay

Once people have online options, they treasure them. Online worship means your people can participate while traveling, indisposed, sick, or pressed for time. Don’t give any of that up, even though face-to-face worship is once again available. In this way, you can continue to maintain and even expand your reach and mission. Online options also help you extend your shelf life. Unlike starting an additional worship service, which depends on a certain number of people in attendance to be considered viable, online worship lives in a different time frame. It can be experienced hours or months later and still be fresh.

As with any new technology, people and institutions adopt them at different rates. As Rev. Sarah Payne, a Creating a Culture of Renewal® participant, pointed out: “You can’t master technology because it’s always changing.”

However, staying on the journey of adopting technology is essential. Your congregation is important to your community. Your message is more relevant than ever before. Embracing technology, without breaking the bank or overloading your people, is important. With the whole world moving online, your church needn’t be left behind.

 

Your Next Steps for Doing More with Less

Consider these words from Upper Room’s master innovator Terrell L McTyer, “The cousin of relevance is audience.” Keep your audience in mind as you choose which technologies to incorporate.

  1. Select ones that will be relevant and accessible for your particular congregation and community.
  2. When it comes to smaller or older congregations, avoid the mistake of doing too much too fast. Smaller and older churches tend to be late adopters. They won’t be the first on the technology bandwagon, but they needn’t be the last. If you do too much too fast, you’ll hit a wall of resistance. Instead, start with what is most needed and go from there.
  3. To draw young people to your congregation, focus on building your social media. Check out Facebook reels, YouTube, and TikTok videos to see what kind of content and format grabs the attention of young people.
  4. Understand the theology of technology. Technology has expanded our sense of incarnation. In much the same way that God stretched from the invisible to the visible through Christ, we are extending beyond the tangible into the intangible through digital connections.

If you’re still questioning how your congregation can do more with less, or how to incorporate technology into your setting, join me for my July workshop, How to Do More with Less, so that you can spend time in community finding the answers that work for you.

 

Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah’s new book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World (2022).

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

How Do We Get People (Back) to Church? A Post-Pandemic Answer

How Do We Get People (Back) to Church? A Post-Pandemic Answer

by | Jun 1, 2022

How do we get people back to church – or even get them there for the first time? This is the second of the top three questions most on people’s minds post-pandemic. Worshiping together is the heart of the church. Empty pews are a tough reality to face now that the world has opened up again.

“How do you get people back to church?” isn’t a new question, though. It’s one we’ve been asking for years. The truth is that people have been leaving church for a long time.

This week’s blog is part three of a four-part series that sheds light on the top three questions church leaders are asking in a post-pandemic world.

 

Why Aren’t People Coming Back to Church?

As I’ve discovered while researching Forging a New Path, according to many studies, religious affiliation has waned in the decades since the Third Great Awakening of the 1950s. Church attendance has dropped year by year since 1960, with the most dramatic declines in the last ten years. While church attendance regularly fluctuates based on societal changes, studies indicate that beginning in 2000, the decline was twice as great as it was between 1960 and 1970, marking this period as the Great Decline.

 

Tips for Building True Community that Bring People Back to Church

Even as people leave church, they are still hungry for community. What if we could create strong, spirited community at church? Here are four strategies for building the kind of spiritual community that makes people want to stay.

Before you start, though, let me dispel one myth. You may think you have to do things on your own. You don’t. In fact, you can’t.

Remember that no one person can do this work alone. As the church comes together to create spiritual connections, approach community-building as Creating a Culture of Renewal® participant Rev. Heather Bailes Baker learned to do. At first, Heather went about her work in the church, fearing she was burdening others when asking them to help or lead ministries. This fear left her shouldering too many responsibilities for rebuilding and growing the church. As she learned to delegate responsibilities to others, she saw a new way to approach the work ahead, referring to it as “our” work, not simply her work as the clergy. Building community is always “our” work.

 

1.     Start Small Groups

Small groups have always been at the heart of the church. Jesus conducted the first small groups as he called disciples and then sent them out as apostles. His small group lasted a mere three years, but all of his students became teachers of new classes after he died and was resurrected.

Many churches are creatively reinvigorating their outreach by crafting “fresh expressions” of faith, including initiatives like Pub Theology or Bibles and Beer. Instead of insisting that new people come to the church building to worship with them, church folks meet people at bars, pubs, coffee shops, laundromats, and restaurants to engage in faith discussion with them. Sometimes informal settings outside the church encourage greater self-revelation and create an easier way to get to know each other.

 

2.     Keep it Short and Sweet

Spend time together but keep your offerings short and sweet. People’s attention spans have shortened, and their lives have gotten busier. Instead of a year-long Bible study, offer a four-to-six-week study. Instead of a ninety-minute learning session, try forty-five-minutes instead.

Instead of a three-day retreat, invite others to a three-hour retreat. The point is to build togetherness with the time that people have. Many touches with the same people over time will build a more enduring community than one long experience never to be replicated.

 

3.     Mix Social and Spiritual

Intentionally combine the social and the spiritual to create stronger community. Often small groups are organized around spiritual material, and the social part gets added in. But I want to encourage you to think about having groups based on social activities that add in the spiritual. For instance, gather a group that enjoys going to the movies, with a meal before or after the film.

Discuss religious or spiritual themes in the movie, letting the movie prompt discussion about your own lives. End your time together by praying for one another.

 

4.     Start with an Existing Community

Another Creating a Culture of Renewal® member, Pastor RJ Davis, noted that the congregation he serves was founded out of a housing development. These neighbors already had strong relationships and realized they wanted to be able to worship together, so they contacted denominational authorities and asked for a church to be planted there. True to their community nature, this congregation is all about doing life together. “People go to dinner together, take vacations together, and celebrate their kids’ birthdays together,” RJ notes. Others want to be part of this level of community, and it’s brought new people to the church. Their vision is to “Bring intentional community back to the neighborhood.” What already existing community can you build upon to create spiritual community?

 

How the Power of Being Social Gets People Back to Church

I admit, “being social” sometimes gets a bad name in the church. Inward-focused church communities may be dismissed as little more than social clubs. Churches that focus less on being of service in the community than on hosting potlucks, socials, and meals for each other, can be seen as selfish or not really a church. In fact, I used to share that critical view: these weren’t churches as much as they were social clubs.

But the pandemic has changed my mind. I now believe that the church, in addition to being spiritually focused and service-oriented, needs to be a lot more socially minded. Here’s my thinking. Social connections create a sense of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to emotional and relational stability and provides an ingredient essential to the formation of spiritual community: trust. Trust is built by the hard work of honesty, vulnerability, celebration, and accountability. In addition to trust, belonging and stability are the blessed results of living in true community.

Ironically, I think there’s a connection between the disconnect people feel in society and their  disconnect from each other. Even before the pandemic, America was experiencing a crisis of connection, of belonging. Interestingly enough, according to a study of American life, this crisis of belonging isn’t limited to a specific demographic or generation. The study shows that people of all demographics – including both Democrats and Republicans as well as the young and the elderly – experience a lack of connection with others. The shutdowns fueled the rise of mental health issues by forcing us apart even more than we already were. Longing to belong is as basic to human makeup as spirituality. In fact, satisfying the longing to belong is fundamental to creating a spiritual community.

Now that you have these four strategies, it’s time to put them into practice! This can be trial and error, so don’t give up too soon. I’m always interested in helping people forge a new path, so let me know what you discover.

 

Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah’s new book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World (2022).

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

When Do Things Go Back to Normal? A Post-Pandemic Answer

When Do Things Go Back to Normal? A Post-Pandemic Answer

by | May 18, 2022

Given the events of 2020, 2021, and 2022 that have dramatically impacted and changed the landscape in which churches operate, it’s important to address three persistent questions I hear church leaders asking. In last week’s blog, I shared each of the three questions, as well as an important shift in perspective that the church can make to allow us to better take advantage of the time before us. The first question on most people’s minds has been, “When do things go back to normal?” This week, I’ll share what we can learn from pandemics past, as well as the answer, from a 2022 perspective.

In the church, normal means greeting each other with hugs and handshakes and singing together in worship. Normal means taking Holy Communion in the company of others. It means returning to live, in-person worship with the same people we were used to seeing before, while also welcoming new folks. Normal means getting back to the ministries we used to offer and traveling freely without fear. Normal means recovering from the shutdowns, coming back together, and getting past the pandemic. So, when do things go back to normal?

Many churches have journeyed back to the familiar. Others are quickly making up for lost time. I’m all for in-person worship and relaxing in the company of others. After all, we are social creatures. Being together like “before” nourishes the heart and is good for the soul.

There’s just one problem with going back to the familiar, but most people don’t want to hear this. “Normal” doesn’t exist anymore. There’s no going back to 2019. And, even if churches could go back to normal, the rest of the world wouldn’t be joining us. That’s because lives have changed. People have picked up new habits and established new patterns. Life, in general, is not magically going back to a time before COVID-19.

 

The Forgotten Problem with Normal

So, the old normal of 2019 no longer exists. Life has evolved along with the virus, showing up in all kinds of new variants. Today we find ourselves in brand new terrain. While you could try to go back to the same worship service, meetings, discussions, and debates, if you did, you would also return to the forgotten problem with “normal,” which is that the normal way of doing church had actually become a model for decline.

Long before the pandemic erupted, churches were already worried about their health and vitality. Younger generations and their parents weren’t as interested in church as previous generations. Boomers fretted about how to attract more children and their parents while resisting changing the worship service to meet those needs. The Pioneer generation worried if their congregation could stay vibrant long enough to ensure that at least someone would be there to conduct their funeral, even if the congregation didn’t outlast them by long.

That’s what “normal” looked like before the pandemic hit. The normal way of doing church wasn’t just a series of unfortunate dynamics. Instead, it was a pattern of expectations woven into the very culture of church life.

Simply resuming the “normal” way of doing things in church – Sunday worship + Sunday school classes + small groups + administrative meetings – won’t make the needed difference now. While we can all be forgiven the intense desire for normalcy, “normal” wasn’t a sustainable model for building a robust life of faith or for growing a vital congregation before the pandemic.

And it still isn’t.

 

Medieval Churches Faced a Crisis Before the Plague, too

Before waves of the bubonic plague rolled across Europe, the church had already shifted some of its focus from the care of souls to gaining political power and amassing wealth. Religious and political leaders formed alliances similar to marriages of convenience to achieve their individual goals. This focus on political power weakened the spiritual power of the church by diverting its attention from the care of bodies and souls to worldly matters. This revealed the need for greater spirituality in the church and gave rise to a medieval version of the spiritual but not religious movement.

As the plague decimated the ranks of the clergy, the church trained new priests, but many of them were young, poorly educated, and ill-equipped to serve people well. People were left to find their own way to safeguard their souls from the plague they believed was a sign of the wrath of God. While still identifying as Catholic, because no other form of Western European Christian faith expression existed until the Protestant Reformation of 1517, people went around the church authorities and structures to create new ways of connecting to God. The development of the Reformation itself was an example of this yearning for more direct spiritual connection.

I used to think that the rise of the spiritual but not religious movement – people who were once associated with the church but left to pursue their relationship with God on their own terms – was a twentieth- and twenty-first-century phenomenon. But it’s clear to me now, looking back at how people responded to the plague, that this movement began much earlier than I ever suspected.

 

Embrace Spirituality and the Next Normal

In the quest to return to normal, many church leaders and members are operating from the assumption that the church as-is can grow past the impacts of the pandemic. These churches believe once the pandemic is over, we’ll go back to something recognizable. They believe, in the meantime, we need to get our programs back up and running, offer a full calendar, go invite people, and wait for them to show up.

While there is some validity to this approach, it misses the innovative opportunities before us. This is the perfect time to learn from medieval Christians and pandemics past to align ourselves with God’s unfolding future. It’s time to envision a new path forward beyond putting the coffee pot back on for the fellowship hour and passing the offering plate. The church today has a similar, contemporary version of the spiritual but not religious movement.

Even as religious affiliation has dropped over the years, spiritual affiliation has dramatically increased. The God of the Bible is a God of direct encounters. But, over the centuries, people of faith have taken this record of spiritual experiences and mined them for morals, lessons, and do’s and dont’s. We have recast these spiritual experiences as religious experiences by focusing on the beliefs and behaviors derived from them rather than the transcendent states being described in them. As a result, sometimes even church people think that a direct experience of God is out of reach.

Rather than fearing or dismissing the message that the spiritual but not religious communicate by leaving the church, let’s learn from them instead. They’re signaling the need for a shift in church culture we can all benefit from.

As we pay attention, I think we’ll find that the news is generally hopeful. People want to experience God and the transcendent. People want more of church, not less. As you move the church forward in this post-pandemic world, this is the perfect time to lead people to refocus on the spiritual aspects of the Bible, and to encourage divine encounters in their life. Not just to learn about Jesus, but to be in the presence of Jesus.

If you’d like to build deep relationships with fellow church leaders in spiritual community, consider joining a Creating a Culture of Renewal® cohort! Our three-year leadership development program will empower you to bring renewal to your congregation and community.

Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah’s new book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World (Market Square Publishers, May 2022).

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