by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jul 5, 2017
Let’s say you have recently arrived at your new pastoral appointment. You’re wondering just what sort of people you are serving. Worship services can give you a strong indication of how people perceive their power in relation to the world. This sense of personal power defines a group so thoroughly that it is often invisible to them. And to us. But get it wrong consistently, and people will begin to react. Get it right and you will master a key element of emotional intelligence.
If a church service focuses only on the sovereignty of God, or the need to wait on the return of Christ, or the overwhelming presence of evil in the world about which only Christ can take action, then independent and innovative risk-takers may feel restless, uninspired, and even depressed. Their attendance may become spotty or they may leave—feeling there is not enough call to action, personal or corporate empowerment, or encouragement.
On the other hand, if a worship service focuses only on the power of human free will, the need and ability of the congregation to act, and the necessity to overcome evil or apathy through personal action, your harmony-seekers, stability-creators and conscientious may wilt, feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed.
Learn how to read the dynamics of a worship service and you will understand much of what makes a church function the way it does. Get savvy about how to adapt worship to address all the behavioral styles, and you will be a miracle-worker! Don’t be surprised when more people say that God spoke to them, they were fed, they were inspired, or they learned/heard something new.
Check out these four examples of worship to see what they communicate about power.
Sts. Peter, Paul and Mary Roman Catholic Church holds a praise Mass. Featuring acoustic guitars, and easy to sing songs, this Mass has been popular for decades. The musicians/worship leaders wear jeans, and the Priest often ministers from down front. Rather than being held on Sunday morning, this Mass takes place on Saturday night. As is true in most Catholic Churches a wide array of generations are present. Children sit with their parents and grandparents and are instructed as they go along. Everyone seems to sing, and enjoy it. Instruments are passed out and people worship joyfully. A relaxed attitude prevails. Worshipers linger after Mass has ended, enjoying coffee and dessert and occasionally the thoughts of a visiting speaker. Two offerings are taken during each Mass; one for the Parish, and the second for a charity that varies month by month.
Lutheran Church of the Ascension is high church from start to finish. The processional features young people carrying in the cross, then the Bible. Next comes the minister and lay
reader. From there, a well-ordered service unfolds that includes traditional liturgy, a creed, four scripture readings, three hymns, and Holy Communion. There is no children’s message. Small activity bags are given out to children who stay in worship but most of them attend Sunday School. From the stately processional to the chanted psalm response to the closing hymn, the powerful pipe organ decisively leads each song and chant, as if carrying it up to the throne of God. Announcements are noted in the bulletin, not spoken. No prayer concerns are solicited from the people, rather a liturgy of prayer is recited, and an optional anointing before worship is offered to individual worshipers. Other than responsive readings, the only people speaking in worship are those of the robed minister and the lay reader. People leave as quietly as they came.
Suburban United Methodist Church conducts a well-rehearsed and imaginative service; four of them in fact. The 10:30 am service generally features four pieces of live vocal music, two of which are usually secular pieces of music. The latter selections are done in a startlingly fresh way. The service begins with a short dramatic piece to set the theme of the day. The call to worship is sometimes sung, sometimes recited, sometimes chanted. While there is an order to the worship, it’s not the type of liturgy that can be predicted. It’s always something different at this church, with a variety of people involved in the worship service itself. The preacher does not robe, but is impeccably dressed in business attire. The sermon is often interactive including Power Point or video shorts. When creeds and responsive readings are used in the service, they are set against images on a screen. A children’s message is delivered each
Sunday. Catered meals, Bible studies, or collections for disaster relief follow services each week.
Rural Church of the Desert has begun a new contemplative Taizé service. The service opens with the lighting of candles and the singing of Taizé chants. A long period of reflective silence ensues before the next Taizé chant. A single passage from the New Testament is read and reflected upon several times. No sermon is preached. However, Holy Communion is served, after which worshipers may light prayer candles or write out prayers. Then, two kinds of offerings are taken. The first is a monetary offering for the upkeep of the church. The second is a prayer offering in which the prayers of the people are lifted up. The worship leader blesses both offerings. The written petitions are then re-distributed through the congregation for prayer during the week. The service ends with the holding of hands, the singing of a Taizé benediction, and a personal blessing for each worshiper. Many people stay for coffee hour.
Which congregations communicate personal power? Corporate power? Which service would you be most comfortable with? How about your people?
Want to discover what your worship service is really communicating? Or to learn the EQ dynamics that contribute to engaging and empowering worship? Send me a copy of your worship service at re*****@***************er.com and let’s set up a brief consultation.
This blog is adapted from the Workbook on Congregational Intelligence, by Rebekah Simon-Peter, from Track 1 of Creating a Culture of Renewal.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Feb 14, 2017
Congratulations! Your church is on the move. Let’s say you are feeding the hungry. You are praying for and visiting the sick. You minister to those in prison, jail, and the nursing home. You work hard to clothe those in need, and connect with the homeless. You even have a community garden. You are meeting your goals, whatever they may be, and then some.
So how come you feel empty inside? How come it never feels like enough? You may be unwittingly sabotaging your own efforts. And the soul of the church. Find out if you’re engaging in these self-defeating behaviors and how to turn them around, before they kill your spirit, or worse.
With so many needs in the world, it’s hard to know when enough is enough. Even if you have strong emotional intelligence, you may be blind to these dynamics of self-sabotage. As leaders, it’s crucial to get a handle on these self-defeating behaviors. Left unchecked, they bleed the soul of a church. But when you turn them around, they unleash a whole new source of energy and inspiration.
Secret Sabotage #1: Work Non-Stop
Jesus himself was driven to do ministry. To announce the Kingdom. To heal people. To be proactive on behalf of God. It’s a good thing to be driven, isn’t it?
Yes, and no. Don’t forget that Jesus also took plenty of time away to get recharged. He dodged the crowds on a number of occasions. He went off by himself to be with God. He even dragged his disciples off to retreat with him from time to time. Like other Jews of his day, Jesus observed a Sabbath day of rest and took a break from many of his activities.
So, be driven not only to produce results, but to rest from your labors. Non-stop work depletes a body and a soul. It also depletes the good will of the church. Rest and refreshment is the natural counterpart to ministry, activity and bearing fruit. Both are needed for a well-rounded ministry.
Secret Sabotage #2: Neglect Celebrating Wins
Lately, I’ve met with several dozen church leaders to assess their growth to this point. More than a few have been uncomfortable acknowledging their wins. I get it. We don’t promote a culture of “look at me” in the church. But when you refuse to celebrate your wins, it deprives the congregation of much needed good news. Your people need to know that their efforts are paying off.
Humility is a virtue. But self-hate is not. Check yourself to see which is motivating you. We can’t always see the fruits of our labors. Even in our own lifetimes. But we can pause and count the efforts we are making, celebrate the people we are involving, and the lives and institutions we are touching. These celebratory moments give strength for the journey. They also allow you to pause long enough for God to whisper in your ear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Secret Sabotage #3: Go Too Fast
Remember we are in it for the long haul. Ministry is a long-distance race, not a sprint, as my Staff Parish Relations Chairperson used to regularly remind me. Adjusting our pace for the long haul allows us to include others in crafting and implementing a vision, gathering resources, and planning ahead. It also gives us time to get to know and enjoy each other. That’s key for well-functioning teams. Jesus and his disciples spent three whole years together. That was a lot of meals, trips, laughs, and opportunities to learn together. The time you spend building deep community will serve you well in the future.
Lastly, adjusting your pace gives you the space to tune in to the Holy Spirit, and to receive much-needed guidance for the journey. We are co-creators with God. I find the more time I spend cultivating conscious contact with the God of my understanding, the more aligned I am with the powers of the universe. Conversations come together in synchronous fashion. Funding flows in from unsuspected resources. Hearts are prepared with a common vision.
Bottom line: if your church is on the move, congratulations! Don’t blow it by refusing to rest, rejoice, or relax. These self-sabotaging behaviors can hinder leaders and followers alike. Give yourself and others the luxury of rest, celebrate good news with your congregation, and adjust your pace so you can go the distance, with God.
Want to increase your emotional intelligence even more? Register now and get the Early Bird rates for Creating a Culture of Renewal in an area near you.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 23, 2017
It’s on everyone’s minds. It’s all over the news. Millions of women took to the streets to make their voices heard. Should churches join in the political talk or not?
I say yes. The Bible is intensely political. Every prophet risks their skin by talking truth to power. Every king weighs obedience to God against other concerns. Every temple, shrine, and altar has political ramifications. The same with every war, skirmish, and battle. Even the Sermon on the Mount is political. Love your enemies? Do good to those who hate you? Who do you think Jesus is talking about? Religion and politics have always been deeply intertwined. Jesus’ own life is an example of that.
This co-mingling didn’t end with the biblical era. The church, at its best, and its worst, has always been political. We’re at our worst when we imagine Christ is aligned with one political party or another. Or when we cut deals. Or when we trade faith for power. We’re at our best, however, when like MLK, we strive for the soul of the whole nation.
How to talk politics though, without causing further pain and discontent? Here are some suggestions to get you started.
1. Start with ground rules that insure careful listening and mutual respect.
2. Don’t assume they voted for their candidate for the exact reason you didn’t. In other words, don’t assume the worst in them and the best in yourself.
3. Plan to listen deeply for the personal stories behind the political passion.
4. Assume they’re not 100% wrong and you are not 100% right.
5. Assume God loves you all.
Once these are in place, look for biblical principles that you agree on. Look for how the biblical principles might get played out in a particular policy. Ask, What are the ethical ramifications of such policies? When we discuss things at this level, we are talking politics in a way that edifies and builds us up, rather than divides and tears us down.
To get beyond knee-jerk reactions means listening deeply. To the Bible, to the Spirit, to one another, to journalists, and to the politicians who present these options.
This is far from easy. It requires us to be well-schooled in both our faith and in the issues at hand. It means digging into the Bible, our personal beliefs, and the guiding principles behind legislation and policy. You gotta to listen to more than sound bites to do that.
It’s worthwhile though. I believe engaging in these kinds of conversations keeps the church honest. It helps us determine if we are living out the love we profess. It helps us be clear if we are living out our baptismal vows of using our God-given power to resist evil, injustice and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves. It helps us get straight on if we are furthering the Kingdom.
In the midst of our discussions, let’s not forget to pray. For ourselves. For our country. For one another. And for our leaders. President Trump needs our prayers, and our love. Really. At the same time, he needs our accountability and engagement. His success, and our success as a country—whether you voted for him or not—depend on that. We can only hold him and other leaders accountable, appropriately, if we are spiritually grounded, well-informed, and speaking from love.
Want to get in on the whole discussion? Click here to check out this recent conversation with Discipleship Ministries’ Scott Hughes and I.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 28, 2016
What’s the main reason people leave the church? It’s not politics. It’s not traditional worship. It’s not talk of money. It’s not unfriendly or overbearing people. It’s not the appearance or age of the building. It’s not generationally-imbalanced congregations. It’s not a lack of technology. Nope; none of these are the top reasons people give for why they leave the church.
A new study by the Public Religion Research Institute reveals that most religiously unaffiliated people, or “nones,” enter that category because they simply stop believing in their childhood religion. Of those folks, most drop out before the age of 30.
From the hymns and songs to the children’s message and the sermon, from the call to worship to the benediction, what we should believe and what the church believes is often emphasized in the local church. At a time when churches are desperately aware of the lack of young people, it’s hard to swallow this truth: Nones are 25% of the US population and rising. They’re not coming to church now and they’re unlikely to come back.
That puts churches in a quandary. What do you do when belief isn’t enough to keep young people engaged? I’d like to offer some suggestions, including one from Paul and one from Jesus.
As I see it, we’ve got at least five options.
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- Don’t change a thing. Continue to focus on time-honored beliefs. After all, they surely provide a steady and constant source of comfort. They bring peace to world-weary hearts. And there are plenty of people who are buoyed by a recitation of the beliefs of the faith.
Tip: Pray for those who don’t share your beliefs, and move on.
2. Ask nones what it is they don’t believe in. No need to wonder or guess. Simply talk with nones and find out what it is they no longer believe in. They’ll be happy to share with you and probably pleased that someone cares enough to ask. I have asked several people this question, including my own father who left the church of his childhood at the age of 18. While my dad doesn’t talk faith, we have many interesting conversations about cosmology, science and ultimate meaning. It’s surprising how much we still share in common, even without the language of faith.
Tip: Be open, straightforward, and curious. Ask open-ended questions and listen without judgement. See what you can learn from the conversation.
3. Put away the baby food. In 1 Corinthians 3:2, Paul wrote that many believers were immature in their faith. They had been on a steady diet of milk and haven’t yet graduated to solid food. The famous developmental psychologist, James Fowler, suggests that wasn’t simply an ancient problem. He identifies a similar dynamic in his theory of stages of faith development. If most people leave before they are 30, maybe it’s because we in church rehearse a child-appropriate understanding of our beliefs, rather than an adult version. Fowler suggests that as we mature, we can handle ambiguity, uncertainty, and lots of grey area. Not only can we, we must, or we don’t mature as human beings. Perhaps it’s time for us all to put away the baby food and move from milk to solid food. That may not bring nones back, but it will likely mature the people who are sitting in the pews.
Tip: Check out where have you focused on black and white perspectives instead of entertaining ambiguity, nuance, and critical thinking. Discover where you have been unwilling to discuss new ways of looking at things or insisted: “This is the way it is.” Perhaps it isn’t.
4. Focus on behavior as much as belief. Jesus, in fact, seems to prefer this option. He’s pretty clear that calling him “Lord” isn’t enough (Matthew 7:21-23). It isn’t what you say about Jesus that makes you a disciple or ushers you into the Kingdom of Heaven, but if you actually do God’s will. He’s also pretty clear on what that is. Later in the same Gospel (Matthew 25:31-46) he references how one inherits the Kingdom: giving the hungry food, giving the thirsty drink, welcoming the stranger, clothing the naked, caring for the sick and visiting the imprisoned. How do your churches do at emphasizing Kingdom behavior? Do you talk about it? Do you give people ways to do this? If not, begin now. If you already do, what can you do to re-organize church activities around these Kingdom behaviors even more?
Tip: Look at your bulletin and church calendar to see which organized activities and ministries take precedence in your church. Map your ministries under Belief-Building Activities and Kingdom-Building Behaviors to see where your church has invested its energy, time and resources. What can you do to channel resources to Kingdom-Building Behaviors?
5. Incorporate a 3rd B. Beyond belief and behavior is the 3rd B of being. Does your church offer any experiences that empower people to enter and dwell in the presence of God? For some people, hymns and songs do it. For others, mission trips and service give people the experience of God. But those things don’t do it for everyone. One of the most powerful church services I attend begins with 3 minutes of quiet meditation each morning. No matter what else is happening. People are invited to enter the presence of the Divine. Another church I know offers prayer that directly involves people. The leader creates a structure for people to offer their own prayers to God, with prompting, on various subjects. There is enough silence and pausing for people to be able to do that. Other churches I know offer the opportunity to light a candle and say a prayer, walk a labyrinth.
Tip: Map your worship service to see what experiences of heightened being are offered. If your church only offers these options outside of worship, ask yourself: Why? Why is the direct experience of connecting with the presence of God not offered during worship? What options can you incorporate into seasonal and regular worship services.
Twenty-five percent of the potential church-going population isn’t satisfied with the experiences we offer. Are you? More and more church-goers want something more. Before more folks leave your church for good, have some honest discussions at your church about what’s working, what isn’t, and what you can do about it. There’s no shame in examining your beliefs, your approach to them, or your presentation of them. That’s something communities of faith have done for generations.
Need some help? Contact me; I specialize in helping churches create a culture of renewal. I’d be happy to assist you in mapping the ministries of the church, and your worship experiences, to make sure you’re reaching all the folks God has brought to your church. Email me at re*****@***************er.com, or check out www.cultureofrenewal.com for further learning opportunities.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Oct 7, 2016
I’ve never heard a denominational executive say these words before: “You were called by God to serve the Kingdom. So do that. Don’t worry about the institutional church.” He stood before some 40 clergy colleagues at a recent clergy orders retreat I led. The room was quiet, stunned.
After years of paying attention to the three rules of survival, he was inviting these pastors to play a different game. Rather than insure the survival of the institutional church, he was inviting them to transcend that worry and re-connect with the life-giving joy of their call. He was right on. The more we pay attention to survival, the more likely we are to die.
I want to share with you the 3 rules of survival that will do us in. And 3 rules that just might set us free.
The game of survival is all about keeping the church afloat, alive, open another day. It’s one of the strategies we’ve been busy employing as numbers have gone down, membership and worship attendance has dwindled, and doors have closed. Here are the rules of this game and how they do us in:
- Keep the big givers happy. When we put money worries first, what we’re left with is worries. Every new idea, every decision, every ministry has to be judged by whether or not it will upset certain givers. That limits our ability to do ministry. The truth is that God alone is our Source, not any particular giver. Limitless abundance is available to us. But that rushing river of abundance slows down to a trickle when we think it can only come through one person or another. While churches do need money to pay bills, fund ministries, and advance visions, keeping the big givers happy is the wrong way to go about it. It keeps us small by putting personalities before principles. Jesus didn’t say, “Go and make givers of all nations,” but disciples. Worry doesn’t generate miracles; disciples do.
- Don’t rock the boat. The culture of most churches these days is harmony-seeking, stability-oriented, and internally friendly. On the surface, these seem like the most positive of attributes for a church. They are positive. But prioritizing these behaviors over momentum-oriented visions leads a church to stay stuck. Stuck eventually spells death. Churches that insist on things staying the same will find that the one thing they don’t want to happen—decline and death—becomes inevitable.
- Don’t change anything. When I was beginning pastoral ministry, the common wisdom was, “Don’t change anything for a year.” I look back and wonder why. Yes, getting to know the people as they are, and the culture as it exists, is important. But sometimes churches don’t have a year. If we wait a year to change a dynamic that suffocates life, we may have waited a year too long. A few key funerals is all it takes for a church to slip from maturity into decline. A colleague of mine is so inundated with funerals right now that he feels he can’t help the church envision a new future. Without a new vision, though, and the changes that come with fulfilling it, the church will continue to shrink.
There you have it. These are the three rules of survival that will do us in: Keep the big givers happy; don’t rock the boat, and don’t change anything.
But they’re not the only rules we can play by. Try on these new, forward-thinking rules to see what new life they may bring.
- Put ministry before money. Let the vision of the Kingdom and the ministry it inspires in you lead the way. You’ve heard it said, “Do what you love and the money will follow.” It’s true. Imagine how true it is if what we love is also what God loves! Then certainly the money will follow. Jesus and his apostles brought new life to the world without a budget, an endowment, or memorial gifts. They kept the Kingdom in mind, and God supplied the rest—through all sorts of unexpected ways.
- Make waves. Leaders are called to lead change. That means making waves is part of leadership. Learning how to ride them is what helps a church experience new life. Do you long to challenge injustice, advocate for others, deepen the prayer life of the church, reach out to new and different kinds of people? How about trying new forms of worship or a single board governance? All of this will rock the boat. And make the good kind of waves. Waves are good because they necessitate movement. I remember from my biology classes that all living things have one thing in common: the ability to move. What will help your church keep moving?
- Speak up about problems. Every church has them: problems. You may have problem relationships, problem committees, or problems in the community. Not talking about them won’t make them go away. Dealing with them is messy. But ultimately hopeful. It means health can return to a system. Do speak up about problems in a way that is direct, invitational and solution-oriented. You’re not the only one that has noticed them. Be a leader by addressing them.
Look, I’m not saying any of this easy. Each of these new rules requires courage, skill and deep reservoirs of faith. But what’s the alternative? If all we do is try to protect the status quo—even that will slip away. These are the days to be bold and of good courage. Take it from one visionary, institutional top dog: “You were called to serve the Kingdom. Do that. Don’t worry about the institutional church.”
Not sure how to make these changes, or how to stay sane in the midst of the fear and anxiety change can cause? Please contact me; I’ve got your back. I empower church leaders to accelerate vitality and interrupt church decline through creating a culture of renewal.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jul 25, 2016
Trump and Hillary. The Republican National Convention, the Democratic National Convention, polarizing politics. Blue on black violence. Black on blue violence. Vets killing cops. Terrorist attacks. Endless mass shootings. Add to this already explosive mix, the unprecedented, unexpected election of an openly gay United Methodist Bishop and you have a recipe for potential upset. Opinions abound. So do tempers.
It got me thinking: How do we stay cool in hot times? How do we keep the lines of communication open when we honestly disagree with each other?
I’d like to offer 7 tips for keeping cool in hot times, derived from my work with emotional intelligence.
1. Assume the best about others; not the worst. I’ve received quite a bit pushback on my own recent post about the election of Karen Oliveto to the episcopacy. I assume that these colleagues care every bit as much as I do about what is right and holy and good. We’ve had some good, heart to heart conversations about our assumptions. If you catch yourself thinking that yours is the only right way—this tip will be hard.
2. Ask how questions, not why questions. Why questions put people on the defensive. How questions encourage people to think creatively. For instance: How did you arrive at this position? Not: Why do you think this way?
3. Open your ears, not your mouth. Listen to their answers. Don’t just wait for them to pause so you can slip in your rebuttals. As you listen, you might just discover more similarities between the two of you than differences. Identifying your shared humanity is an important part of staying cool in hot times.
4. Practice disagreeing without cutting others off. When it comes to hot topics, the usual response is to avoid, or to push away from another, and be done with them. Kick the dust off your heels and move on. Sometimes love actually requires us to stay connected in spite of disagreement. This is hard to do, but necessary. In the groups I lead, we encourage a wide variety of theologies and perspectives, and work at staying at the table together.
5. Fact check, fact check, fact check. Just because someone repeats a talking point, or says it louder than others, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily true. Dig deep. Get the facts. They’re likely more complex than you first understood. This goes for everything from presidential politics to church politics to international politics.
6. Pray for each other. Ask God what you can do to forward the Kingdom in the midst of change and upset. Ask how you can be kind toward those who misunderstand you, and do good to those whom you fear may hate you. Ask to see things from another’s perspective.
7. Resist being hijacked. Fear activates the reptilian part of our brain that’s wired for fight or flight. It can also activate the limbic part of our brain that’s wired for emotion. So intense can the emotion be, that it literally hijacks our thinking and our responses—leading us to say things we might not otherwise say, or do things we might later regret. The neocortex part of our brain is activated by higher-order thought processes like logic. So, avoid gossip, reputation-bashing, and either-or thinking. While it feels powerful in the moment, it intensifies polarization. It’s hard to take words back once they’ve been spoken. Instead – pause, breathe, pray, and see what sort of logical or creative responses you can generate.
Yes, we are in an intense time. Still, the world is probably not coming to an end. Clearly, things are changing. Rapidly. Frankly, no one is 100% happy. No one is getting 100% of what they want. How do we work together to achieve the common good? I close with the words of Bishop Ough, President of the Council of Bishops of the United Methodist Church:
“We affirm that our witness is defined, not by an absence of conflict, but how we act in our disagreements. We affirm that our unity is not defined by our uniformity, but by our compassionate and Spirit-led faithfulness to our covenant with God, Christ’s Church and one another.”
Want to discover more about how to navigate these hot times with a cool head? Check out Creating a Culture of Renewal. This award-winning program interrupts church decline by empowering church leaders to do the impossible with people who may not necessarily see eye to eye.
