by Rebekah Simon-Peter | May 18, 2015
What makes for happiness? The Beatitudes capture Jesus’ apocalyptic teaching on happiness or blessedness. Blessed or happy are the poor in spirit, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the meek, the peacemakers, and those persecuted for the sake of righteousness.
Did that make people happy then? Maybe so. Especially given the time and place he taught in. Today? Doubtful. We live in a very different world with greater wealth, dazzling choice, and growing personal power. Who really wants to settle for the pure, modest, self-sacrificing ways Yeshua counsels?
As it turns out, there’s a growing body of research that shines light on what makes post-modern people happy. Surprisingly, or maybe not, much of it lines up with the teachings of Jesus. But surprisingly, or maybe not, the church doesn’t always get it right.
I want to share 3 ways the church gets happiness right, 2 ways it gets it wrong, and 1 critical change your church can make to increase the happiness quotient on the planet.
HOW THE CHURCH GETS IT RIGHT
Put Others First According to recent research, what makes for meaning, and therefore happiness, isn’t so much about pursuing your own passion—at least if it is self-focused—as much as helping others make meaning in their lives. To the extent that our ministries focus on bettering the lives of our fellow human beings and the planet we share, this is an area the church gets happiness right. It lines up with Jesus’ teaching on self-sacrifice now for greater good later. And it lines up with what makes for healthy congregations. No, we don’t want to encourage people to be doormats, but we do want to encourage the pursuit of the healthy self-sacrifice that leads to meaningful lives.
Be Generous Giving to others significantly increases happiness. “Simply thinking about contributing to a charity of choice activates a part of the brain called the mesolimbic pathway, the brain’s reward center, which is associated with feelings of joy,” according to Happiness: 6 Myths and Truths. To the extent that your congregation excels at being a charity of choice, this is another way the church gets happiness right. Generosity towards God and others is an underlying assumption of the Beatitudes.
Give of Yourself In addition to giving money, which is very important, being face to face with the people you are giving to radically increases happiness. If you need a shot of endorphins, go beyond writing a check to interpersonal interactions that make a difference in the lives of others. Face-to-face interactions multiplies the neurobiology of joy. These feelings not only bathe a person in well-being, they support a church in living out its mission, and deliver on the kind of joy Jesus taught about.
For as much as the church gets happiness right, here are 2 ways the church also gets it wrong.
HOW THE CHURCH GETS IT WRONG
Playing it Safe Security has long been associated with happiness. But paradoxically, the ways individuals in churches prefer to play it safe—for instance caring more about “us” than about “them” or not embracing risky ministry lest people leave—actually endangers congregational security. Playing it safe may keep some people happy in the short run, but in the long run these churches die out. And they die hard. Not happy.
Lack of Compassion Inclusivity is the name of the game in the Beatitudes: you can be poor, hurting, wounded, persecuted, meek, on the outs—and you are still in. That’s the Gospel according to Jesus.
But the Gospel according to many churches is not that broad-reaching. Or if it is, they’re not going public with it. By going public with it, I don’t mean saying “everyone is welcome.” That’s so easy as to be meaningless.
I mean actively identifying your congregation with the poor, the persecuted, and those on the outs of society. In our day and age that likely means closely identifying with people living below the poverty line, the working poor, the hungry, the undocumented, brown and black-skinned immigrants, the imprisoned, and/or gays and lesbians—among others. It also means standing up for the well-being of Planet Earth itself.
This of course is not easy—for all kinds of reasons—not least of which is overcoming congregational laryngitis and embracing risk. On the other hand, it lines up beautifully with the Beatitudes Jesus gave voice to.
WHAT YOUR CONGREGATION CAN DO
Want to increase the happiness quotient on the planet? And to do it in a way that increases giving, hands on involvement in serving people, and followers of Jesus?
Then here’s the 1 critical change your church will need to make: lead with a vision. Craft a vision that focuses on reaching out to others, helping others, and working with them side by side. Share this vision frequently, passionately, and follow through on it. Giving goes up when people are giving to a project that helps people, that puts a face on the church’s place in the world, and that makes a real difference. Your vision can be the deciding factor.
One church I served finished paying off the mortgage early, in part by adding a second collection, called Pennies from Heaven. Once the mortgage was completed and the papers burned in a rite of celebration, we decided to keep the Pennies from Heaven offering going. According to the church treasurer, congregational giving actually increased. Turns out specific people and needs in the community and around the world were even more compelling that paying off the mortgage. It didn’t hurt that the kids took up that collection. All that loose change helped many a family in our community, sent Bibles to forbidden countries where believers were persecuted, funded two work trips to a Katrina-devastated area of Mississippi, and other projects too numerous to recall. It all started with a bold new vision: “Ordinary people doing extraordinary things with the love of Jesus Christ.”
This vision not only provided needed momentum for giving, it powered remarkable spiritual growth that touched practically every area of the church. Bible studies grew in number and size. We started a prison ministry at the men’s medium security state penitentiary. Several men from the community, who still can’t believe they had the courage to participate, led a Bible study there. Another two dozen people from the church and community trooped out for sing-along Christmas caroling there. Additionally, we experimented with new ways to connect with the poorer families in our community—some of which worked and some of which didn’t. We also started a second service, bought new hymnals, learned to sing new songs—even those in Spanish—opened up to new worship styles, and eventually shared space with a Spanish-speaking congregation. All of this prompted new designated financial gifts and growth in the regular budget.
How to explain all this? In a word, the church got happy. The congregation was making a difference it could see, feel, touch, and taste.
Want to increase your happiness quotient, spiritual growth, and the effectiveness of the church ? A powerful, bold and life-giving vision is key.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 27, 2015
My husband is Latino. Whenever we go out to eat, he wants to eat Mexican food. Yes, we’ve got great WyoMex food in our part of the country. And I like Mexican, too. But every time?! To Jerry, though, it’s “mother’s milk.” It nourishes him and feeds him, it touches his soul.
Corporate worship is mother’s milk for the church. We can’t survive as a body without it. We need it to gather us, fill us, unite us, grow us, and send us forth as light into the world. We need it for disciple making and correction. We need it for our very identify. The truth is, your church won’t survive long as a going concern without it. But for too many churches worship has become rote. One call to worship, two prayers, three hymns, the offering, and the sermon. Yes, you might add Holy Communion, announcements, a children’s message, a benediction, a prelude and a postlude. Maybe even a bit of comedy or drama. But it’s a fill in the blank experience.
I want to share three ways we consistently mess up worship. And three best practices that can revive the soul of worship-for you, for others, and for God. Longing for some mother’s milk?
I have been to lots of different churches in my work. In my experience, these are the top 3 ways to mess up worship.
- Talk about God…but don’t leave space to experience God.
- Call for silent prayer…then fill up the space with music or rush on to the next thing.
- Follow the bulletin…not the Spirit.
Each of these mistakes is common in churches. Each communicates a hidden message that undermines the primary message. We say we can know God, that we can experience the holy, that by following Jesus we can transform the world. That’s our primary message. But the hidden message is we don’t actually expect to encounter the transcendent in worship. You’ve got to get that on your own time.
But what is worship if not the time to be in communion with God, and for God to be in communion with us?
So what does it take to have meaningful worship? Here are the 3 best practices to create that sort of experience.
1. Prepare to experience God. As a worship leader, it’s essential that you spend time in personal communication with God. Every church leader runs on empty sometimes, but when it becomes a chronic condition it’s a problem. You have much less to give. The light can’t shine through you.
Also, consider what helps you encounter God personally. Chances are, you are not the only one. Pray for insight about how to incorporate these elements into corporate worship. Talk with others too about their experiences of experiencing the presence of God. Exchange ideas about how to include these ideas into worship.
2. Silence is golden. When it’s time for corporate prayer, be sure to include silence. Enough of it so that it really constitutes silent prayer. There is so much noise in the world that silence is counter cultural. Alert people ahead of time about what is coming. Perhaps begin with one full minute of silence. No background music. No words. No nothing. Work up to two minutes. Then three. Let people know why. Finally, give them something to focus on during this time: on a word or a phrase from scripture, a biblical image, an experience in nature, a prayer to lift up or a word to listen for. Finish with soft music or a musical refrain that is known to the people.
3. Be ready to flex. There will be times, if you are lucky, when the Spirit moves in worship. If the Spirit and the congregation is lucky, you will listen and respond accordingly. Are you called to sing an extra verse or change the words to the music? Is it time for a testimony? Maybe you’re prompted to call for the laying on of hands. Or maybe its time to chuck the sermon and say something altogether different. When this happened in the black church I served, we would say to each other, “Didn’t we have church today?!” It didn’t happen every week, but when it did, it was a joy!
I’ve had some terrific Mexican food. When it’s time to eat out, I know which restaurants I’d like to go to. And which I steer clear from. The same is true for church. When it comes time for your Sunday worship, make sure your congregation is on the short list of top places to go.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 20, 2015
Inspiration has finally hit. You’ve prayed. You’ve listened to your congregation. You’ve surveyed the community. Now, guided by the Holy Spirit, in consultation with trusted leaders, you have crafted a bold, inspiring, kingdom-oriented vision. You’ve tested your assumptions and thought through implications. You’ve prayed for and received confirmation. In fact, you have dotted every i you can think of and crossed every t.
And then the unthinkable happens: people start pushing back. The very people who seemed to support it before are now raising objections.
Now what?
Caught unaware, too many church leaders get taken out at this stage of the game. But before you get discouraged and throw in the towel, I want to share with you 4 push-back paradoxes that will help you gather momentum and move the vision forward.
A few years back, I was mentoring a Lay Leader who was experiencing some push back in his congregation. He’d done just the kind of homework I mentioned. Which made him all the more defensive when the objections started. It got to the point where every time someone raised an objection, he saw it as an attack. The more attacked he felt, the more he closed himself off and hunkered down. The more he hunkered down, the more shut out and shut down they felt. It was quickly turning into a no-win situation.
Here are the 4 push-back paradoxes helped him rebound with grace. I believe they can help you too.
- Take push back as a sign of interest. You’re introducing something new that is catching people’s attention. That’s a good thing. Because it’s likely to introduce new dynamics and change up the way things are going, people want to have their ideas, concerns, or refinements included in it. Take their objections as a sign of interest. This shift in your perspective will set the stage for a more productive process.
- Don’t shoot from the hip. At this point in the game, people will want some details. Don’t shoot from the hip. Take time to organize your thoughts. The push-back may simply be a sign that they don’t understand some key details or how it will all come together. Pause, organize your message, and communicate, communicate, communicate.
- How receptive are you? Check to see if you are criticizing or challenging every new idea or tweak suggested. If you are, take a deep breathe, close your mouth, open your heart, and listen. Many people will want to have their fingerprints on a major change in the church. Suggestions and objections actually help them buy in to your vision.
- Be open to exchanging perspectives. Belief in the vision is commendable. But check to see if you are simply presenting your vision as a done deal or if you are open to give and take. Even if you don’t ultimately incorporate their ideas, being heard has a calming effect. It reduces anxiety, buoys morale and lets people know they matter.
The truth is, push back is necessary for buy-in. Without push-back, you can’t be sure that people have had a chance to fully consider and think through the new direction God is calling you to. Better to have it surface now than simmer just below the surface.
If you listen closely, your people will tell you what’s missing to make the vision a new and shining reality. Remember: take time at this stage of the game to organize your thoughts, communicate with clarity, be receptive to what people have to say, and to do some give and take. This will strengthen your vision and make implementation that much easier.
You’ve heard it said, “Where there is no vision, the people will perish.” (Proverbs 29:18.) Now consider this: Without push-back and buy-in, the leader will perish…because they’ll be in it all by themselves.
If you want to dive deeper into the ideas presented here, check out Creating a Culture of Renewal. In Track 1, you learn how to apply the Platinum Rule to congregational dynamics. In Track 2, you learn how to lead beyond your comfort zone. In Track 3, you learn all the ins and outs of crafting a vision, gaining alignment and championing execution. New groups start in September. Early Bird registration ends April 22. .
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 13, 2015
I’ve seen it many times. A church leader is having trouble. She can’t gain traction with a particularly difficult person. He is stymied about how to get support on a stewardship project. A brand new ministry that once seemed promising is now failing to launch.
What does the leader do? Instead of approaching things from a new angle they simply dig in and try harder. For example, if her style of leadership is naturally inclusive, she bends over backwards to make sure even more people feel included. If his style of leadership is resolute, he becomes ever more decisive. If her style is humble, she sacrifices even more, hoping her self-giving will finally give wings to the ministry.
Rarely does this approach create a breakthrough. Instead, it creates resentment, hopelessness, and a victim-stance. All the while deepening the leader’s blind spot. And crippling the church.
By doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, the leader is actually sabotaging their natural capacity to lead. Others lose trust in them. They lose trust in themselves. The ministry of the congregation suffers.
But there’s hope for the leader who wants disappear their blind spot, expand their vision, and free the church to do great ministry. My 10 steps to leadership enlightenment is powerful and transformative. A word of caution, though: it’s not for sissies. It takes a willingness to see yourself more clearly, be vulnerable with others, and lead from unsure footing.
You’ve heard it said if the only tool in your toolkit is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail. If you approach every problem with the same 1 or 2 strengths, that’s a sure sign that you’re operating from a blind spot. If so, there’s no time to lose! Let’s get started.
- Pray for openness to engage in this process. Ask God to guide you, ground you, and help you get out of your comfort zone. Repeat as needed!
- Choose a challenging ministry situation in which your leadership is needed.
- Identify what an ideal outcome of the situation would be.
- Ask two or three others whom you trust to tell you the truth, and with guidance from the Holy Spirit, identify your top 3 leadership strengths.
- Together, identify how these 3 strengths helped or could help in this particular situation.
- Now with your trusted friends, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, reflect on how your 3 strengths may actually hinder an ideal outcome. These answers will give you a rough outline of your leadership blind spot. You could stop right here. But keep going if you’d like to learn how to act on your blind spot.
- Interview others in the church and in your circle of influence about which 3 additional leadership behaviors they would like to see you add to your toolkit.
- Compile a list of all the answers you get, no matter how you feel about them. Likely, these behaviors are outside of your comfort zone. They wouldn’t naturally occur to you to do. You might not even know how to do them.
- Look for behaviors that are opposite your natural comfort zone.
- Choose one or two of these leadership behaviors to practice using in the situation you identified in step #2. Notice what works and what doesn’t. Practice and repeat.
These 10 steps work. Take Pastor Jack for example. He prided himself on being a humble leader. He didn’t need the limelight. He had no ego to feed. He did everything for Christ. He brought this humility, and his humor, to every situation he encountered. While plenty of people admired him, and laughed at his jokes, his ministry remained ineffective. Leaders with bigger personalities ran roughshod over his modest ideas—and he was powerless to reign them in. Discontents bypassed him because they felt he wouldn’t be able to do anything. Rumor had it that he wasn’t really invested in the life of the church.
Pastor Jack tried to laugh it off, prayed deeply, and became ever more selfless. While he felt protected by God, it didn’t change the dynamics of the church.
Eventually he was moved. The church went through a series of pastors and still floundering. But when Pastor Jack applied this 10-step process in his next church, things unfolded in a new way. He identified 3 new approaches to ministry that he was able to incorporate. For example, where once he led from behind, he now leads from closer to the front. Where once he was afraid to cast a vision, he now finds comfort in being more bold. Where once he left details dangling, he now follows through, dotting i’s and crossing t’s. The church is growing spiritually, unhindered by unresolved conflicts, and their ministries are reaching deep into the community.
If you’d like to go deeper on this topic, register for Leadership Smarts, Track 2 of Creating a Culture of Renewal. Get the Early Bird discount when you register by April 22. In Track 2, I help leaders just like you:
- Avoid the mistakes that sabotage your natural capacity to lead.
- Increase your satisfaction in ministry while understanding the gifts others appreciate about you.
- Gain deeper clarity about your under-utilized assets and how to employ them.
Please note, completion of Track 1: Culture and Communication, is a prerequisite to Track 2.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 7, 2015
One Sunday morning a wife is all dressed and ready to go to church. She says to her husband, “Honey, why aren’t you ready for church?”
“I’m not going,” he said, “and I’ll give you three reasons why. One, the sermons are boring. Two, no one likes me, and three, I don’t want to go.”
The wife replied, “I’ll give you three reasons to go. One, the sermons aren’t that bad. Two, some people do like you. And three, you’re the pastor. So let’s go.”
What do you do if the congregation is a bad fit? Well, you could quit, ask for a transfer, request a new appointment, or tough it out. But these options aren’t always possible or desirable. Besides, what if God has called you to these particular people? Then what? It’s time to maximize the strengths of a bad fit.
In this post, I’d like to share a 5-step process for doing just that.
1. Begin by getting some good independent feedback. Ask one or two people you trust if your sermons are boring or your personality is tough to get along with or you seem to lack passion. If you get any yesses, that’s the place to start. Take a good look in the mirror, sign up for some continuing education, work on your communication style, rediscover your passion. Now this is never a bad idea. After all, who couldn’t benefit from some fine-tuning? Likely, though, there’s more to it than that. If so, move on to Step 2.
2. Write out exactly what feels like a bad fit. Get a big piece of paper, lay out three-columns and put Bad Fit at the top of the first column, My Preference at the top of the second, and Good Fit at the top of the third. Start by listing the behaviors that rub you wrong the way in the first column and how you wish things were in the second.
Bad Fit My Preference
They’re politically conservative I don’t want to talk politics at all
They sing too slow I prefer a good rousing pace
King James is the translation of choice I don’t mind KJV, but not in Bible studies
Hard to get a decision made Let’s try something, even if it’s not ideal
Surprisingly low Christology With Christ, I know all things are possible
Easily bent out of shape Let’s stop fighting already and get on with it!
3. In the third column put Good Fit. Then note behaviors that are a good fit between you and the congregation. This will help you hold things in balance.
4. Ask God what their “Bad Fit” behaviors mask, and what values and commitments underlie these behaviors. For instance, getting easily bent out of shape when change is proposed may be a sign of resistance to the Holy Spirit. More likely, though, it’s a reverence for the traditions of the church, a fondness for the people who brought them to life, and a desire to feel stability. The second situation is actually easier to deal with than the first. In the first situation, keep on praying. In the second situation, Apply the Platinum Rule. In other words, treat others the way they want to be treated. While this is counterintuitive compared to the Golden Rule, it’s actually not that hard.
Leaving political conservatism aside, let’s take a look at the other Bad Fit behaviors from the Platinum Rule perspective.
They sing too slow. They may appreciate a slower pace than you. Notice what else they like to do slower than you. Are they are slower to take risks, try new things, or implement new ministries? If so, take time to build relationships, listening more than speaking. When the time comes to take risks, be the one who steps out front with assurance and confidence. They’ll be more likely to follow your lead.
King James is the translation of choice. Perhaps they appreciate the grandeur of the text, the traditions of the past, or they just didn’t know it was okay to embrace a new translation. Have them share with you the key traditions of their faith. Discover what’s truly important to them, and what is just habit. Habits can be changed. Key traditions need to be preserved, somehow, even if just on special occasions.
Hard to get a decision made. They don’t want to leave others out, or make an incorrect decision, or take a risk that may prove unwise. Present a multiple choice decision, i.e. We are either going to begin an outreach to the Veterans or the Middle School is better than voting on: Should we do a Middle School outreach or not? Multiple choice decision-making insures forward movement. Then, set a deadline for making the decision and stick to it. Also, tell people that together you will evaluate the ministry in 6 months, but no sooner. That gives people a chance to get used to it first.
Surprisingly low (or high) Christology. Either one can signal a certain hopelessness or helplessness. Either Christ can’t do anything for us, or Christ won’t do anything. They may feel they lack agency or the ability to make changes, and even Christ seems distant or unable to help. In this case, help them delve into their sources of hope, and remember times they have felt close to God. Talking about changing the world probably isn’t going to get you far in this setting. But seeing how you can adapt to changing circumstances will. Look for small wins, and build on those. Two new kids in Youth Group? Celebrate! One new baptism? Rejoice! A family who is now joining you on Sunday mornings? Give God the glory…and point out how their efforts helped these changes come to pass.
Easily bent out of shape. They may be reacting to a pace that’s too fast, an approach that ignores their sense of decorum, or a program that turns their sacred cows out into the back pasture. Look at yourself…are you moving too fast? Proposing too many changes? Not giving them facts but relying too much on emotion or vice versa? Take time to listen to them first. Then adjust your pace and style of delivery and see what happens.
To sum up, begin by supporting and dignifying the Bad Fit behavior. This actually maximizes your ability to introduce change. When you dignify who people are, it signals acceptance of them. When people feel accepted, they feel safe. When they feel safe, they are more likely to be open to new possibilities. When they are open to new possibilities, then you have a chance to show them how the changes you are suggesting actually honor the past while drawing upon God’s dream of the future.
If you would like to learn more about how to navigate these types of situations, and go deeper on this topic, please join my program, Creating a Culture of Renewal. It all starts with Track 1, Culture and Communication. I help church leaders just like you:
- Broaden your ability to get along with people who would normally drive you crazy!
- Reduce the unintentional dynamics at play in your congregation that prevent change from occurring.
- Dramatically increase the number of people actively engaged in ministry.
- Be renewed and re-energized for ministry.
Register now through April 22 to get Early Bird savings of $420 or 15% on a Track 1 group that begins this Fall.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Mar 31, 2015
In this last installment on what to give up for Lent, beyond donuts and lattes, to things that make a real difference, I have to end this way: Give up giving up!
It’s become somewhat fashionable to give up on the mainline church. As if all that’s left is for the last rat to jump ship. Or the last Israelite prophet to cave before Baal.
Only it ain’t over til it’s over. And believe me, it ain’t over. Surges of resurrection are happening all over the place. And we’re not even at Easter Sunday yet!
Tired of hopelessness? Hang in there. I’m going to share 3 rock-solid reasons why giving up on the church is the wrong move. And 1 rockin’ video that will make all the difference!
The best days of the mainline church may just be ahead of us. And here are 3 small reasons I think so:
1. Small is biblical. God delights in the faithful remnant. The image of a faithful remnant is woven throughout scripture. Now granted some of churches have shrunk because they are stuck rather than faithful. But many of our smaller churches are engaged in effective ministry. They function like small groups–praying for one another, engaged in each other’s lives, and reaching out beyond themselves to include others in the warmth of Christian fellowship and grace.
2. Small is beautiful. Christianity was born out of a small Jewish following of Jesus. Rabbi Jesus didn’t lead a majority party. While churches spread around the Mediterranean and beyond after his death, it wasn’t until Constantine made it the state religion that it became popular. Ever since, the marriage of Church and State has produced questionable results. Maybe it’s time to get back under the radar screen. We have done some of our best work that way.
3. Small is how it starts. When Jesus showed up on the scene, even before he called any disciples, he proclaimed the Kingdom of Heaven. He later said it’s at hand, it’s around, it’s within. He wasn’t waiting for it to come. It was already here. That hasn’t changed. That means that what the church is looking to make manifest is actually already here. Like yeast hidden in the loaf. Yes, we can enlarge its spread, and teach its principles. But just as the Spirit was given upon Jesus’ departure, so the Kingdom remains. God’s greatest gift of heaven on earth is here–accessible to us even now.
While I’ve given you 3 small reasons to give up on giving up, this church leader explains how small adds up. Watch this delightful and empowering video that re-frames the true power of the church.
Happy Easter!
