by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 11, 2022
Let me guess. You read the title of this week’s blog post and thought to yourself, “Preparing for Lent?! I have almost 2 months of worship to prepare for before I even think about Lent.” While that is true, the Lenten season will be here before we know it. And I believe that, considering the past two years, we have a lot of work to do to truly be ready to rise at Easter.
So much has changed. We’ve missed celebrating birthday parties, graduations, wedding anniversaries, even weddings themselves. We’ve watched as people have turned on one another and experience heartache as friendships are lost, damaged, even destroyed. Fighting across the aisle has been turned up to a level that borders on uncivilized. What happens in our world tends to make its way into the church, as they watch their numbers dwindle, some as a result of relocation or a specific political view, others who have moved from this life into the next. The whole matter of loved ones dying and family and friends not being able to grieve in the usual ways, mourn communally, or mark their passing has slowed down people’s ability to rebound.
Not being able to grieve the losses of the pandemic has left us stuck, feeling incomplete and even isolated. Many people have died alone, without family or friends to visit, without pastoral calls or prayer. This has weighed heavy on churches and their leaders. Grief in and of itself is hard to bear. Weighed down by unprocessed grief, it’s hard for churches to move forward. Indeed, it’s hard for the world to move forward, as we are all grieving something or someone. When mourners are unable to share stories and be comforted by one another or have a place to go long afterwards, it creates a deep sense of displacement.
A May 2020 study on grief published in Psychiatry stated, “Funeral and burial rituals are important for the affective adjustment of people grieving the loss of a loved one and mourners who drew comfort from planning and participating in the funeral were shown to achieve better outcomes in later grief. From this perspective, being prevented from holding a proper funeral for their loved ones might prevent COVID-19 mourners from gaining awareness of the reality of the death and from understanding and framing their loss, besides eliminating a significant important occasion of social support.”
How does the church move on from this experience? The time between now and Lent is our opportunity to do so. Below are five ways that you can help your congregation move forward.
1. We would do well to look at the Jewish traditions for grieving. In traditional Judaism, funerals happen as soon as possible after a death occurs and the following week is spent solely at home with family and members of the Jewish community. Customary prayers are recited daily to honor the dead. This week is intended to focus on accepting loss and to encourage healing. A longer, formal mourning process lasts 30 days, where mourners slowly reintegrate themselves into the world. Prayers continue to be recited daily. If a parent is lost, this formal mourning lasts eleven months. In the eleventh month, an unveiling ceremony takes place, wherein the gravestone is revealed. In the years that follow on the anniversary of death, a candle that burns for 24 hours is lit in memory of the deceased. Setting precedence for a longer mourning process will help those that are grieving create expectations and know that they are not leaving their loved ones behind.
2. Draw comfort from your faith, focus on your wellbeing, and set boundaries. Being church leaders, we’re sometimes expected to have all the answers. I’m sure you’ve had members of your congregations and communities ask how they are supposed to navigate these times. You may be lost, feeling like you’re trying to figure that out right now too. Not having all the answers can make you feel inadequate, or like you aren’t doing “enough.” This isn’t true. Trying to do everything only leads to burn-out and emotional fatigue.
3. Acknowledge that we are living in a different time. Be resourceful with how you can bring people together. Now, more than ever, it is so important that we make social connections a priority. Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Facetime, and other video conferencing platforms are great for bringing people together, while still maintaining social distance.
4. Create emotionally safe spaces for people to share their hurt without feeling judged. Do your best to listen to those that feel comfortable enough to share these deeply personal feelings with you. Oftentimes, listening and truly being present is more consoling than offering advice or explanation.
5. Encourage those that you support to create their own rituals. Journaling, doing activities that remind them of their loved ones, or planting a tree in their memory are all healthy and effective ways for others to express their feelings and continue in the healing process.
It goes without saying that we aren’t going to be able to change everything, but we do have the power to change certain things. These changes will make a difference in how those in our congregations and communities experience and grapple with grief. Addressing these now will allow us to truly be prepared for Lent and to rise for the resurrection.
Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah Simon-Peter’s upcoming book, Growing the Post-Pandemic Church (Market Square Publishers, 2022)
Copyright © 2021 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Mar 19, 2018
Judging by Facebook posts these days, puppies are in. People with whom you disagree are out. Love is in short supply. We’ve had it worn thin with “sex, lies and videotape.” But don’t give up on love. Jesus, above all else, was about love: love of God, love of people, love of self, and love of the unlovable. If we give up on love, we might as well give up on being Christian. It just doesn’t work.
You don’t even have to know them. You certainly don’t need to like them. But you can love them, unconditionally.
How can your church show unconditional love these days?
1. Welcome in strangers like long-lost brothers and sisters. Rev. Roger Teel once shared how his wife carried around $5 bills to give to people standing on street corners. “How are you? It’s so good to see you!” she would exclaim. Like she knew them. Like she cared about them. What if we took this same attitude toward the strangers in our lives, pews, fellowship halls, and the like? Not only would we feel more affinity toward them, it would shift their attitude toward us.
2. Pray for people you resent or disagree with. Don’t pray for their heart to change. Rather pray for your heart to change toward them. Here’s how. First, write out the deepest desire of your heart—everything you want for yourself. Second, pray it with fervor and passion. Third, pray it one more time—for them. Substitute their name for yours. This will soften your heart toward them such that you can begin to interact with them in a new way. Pray both prayers every day for 2 weeks. You will notice a significant shift. I prayed this sort of prayer for a colleague. While my resentment didn’t go away, I did notice this: how small and pitiful my own desires were for my life. It was a real “come to Jesus” moment. I did later forgive my colleague. But first I had to get a hold of myself. How might your congregation change with this prayer practice? Only one way to find out.
3. Practice loving people as they are. For a whole day every time you catch yourself wanting to fix or change others, notice it, set it aside, and ask God to help you radiate love toward them.
4. Invite people to your church you wouldn’t be caught dead with. Maybe they’re up the socioeconomic ladder from you, or maybe they’re down the socioeconomic ladder from you. Or maybe they are someone you think judges you. Never mind. Invite them anyway. Again, this takes away conditions from our love of others, and creates the space of unconditional love.
It’s hard to love people, let alone like people. Liking people is overrated. Love is what is needed, unconditional love. This Lent, make a real difference in the world by not giving up love. Or your neighborhood, or being the church!
Need some extra help? Learn how to use the Platinum Rule for Thriving Congregations. Or reach out to us. We’re here to empower church leaders and the congregations they serve!
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Mar 14, 2018
There’s a lot of institutional despair these days. “The church is dying, it’s in decline, it’s done for, it’s over. The best days are behind us.” 
But what if all that’s just a story? And not a very good one at that? The church is only done-for if we say it is.
Here’s what I say: This Lent, don’t give up being the church. The truth is, there’s nothing to worry about. Worry doesn’t solve problems anyway. Trust, faith, and positive action do. So here are some ways to increase your faith and trust in God.
Take Positive Actions
Make a list of all the things your church provides to the community and get loud and proud about it. Don’t keep it to yourself. Count up the number of people you have helped in the last 6 months and publish it. Count up the number of prayers you have prayed and publicize it. While you’re at it, count up the number of meals you have served, food baskets you have given out, flood buckets you have compiled, walks you have shoveled, hugs you have exchanged, cups of coffee you have served, stranded travelers you have aided, sick people you have visited, schoolkids you have tutored, funds you have gifted, Bible studies you have conducted, protests you have attended, “isms” you have surrendered, prayer shawls you have knitted, blankets you have blessed, quilts you have sewn, books you have donated, trespasses you have forgiven, neighbors you have assisted, letters you have written, mission trips you have taken, public acts of witness you have undertaken, kids you have taught, scriptures you have proclaimed, grieving families you have comforted, celebrating couples you have blessed, worried people you have calmed, PBJS’s you have made, homeless people you have befriended, persecuted people you have comforted, acts of injustice you have interrupted, wounds you have healed, and songs of praise you have sung. Tally the numbers and write up that report!
Got it?
Now, let it sink in. Doubtless, your congregation has generated a treasure trove of blessing which has radiated out far beyond your comprehension. You have packed love and care into the stream of life. You have partnered with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to channel extravagant blessing into the world. Allow yourselves to be touched and inspired by the knowledge that you are in fact making a difference. Why would you ever want to stop being the church?
Trust and Trust Some More
Reinforce the good that you are already doing in the following ways.
- Have church council meetings where you focus on all that you have accomplished rather than what isn’t going well. See if that doesn’t shift the conversation in a positive way.
- Thank God for the good that has already been manifested through you, and all that God will continue to do through you.
- Refuse to worry about kids that aren’t coming, generations that are missing, funds that haven’t shown up yet, and committees that aren’t filled. Trust that God has already heard and is answering your prayers. Then re-focus on what is going well and right. Be delighted and surprised when what you need shows up.
None of this is to say that there aren’t ways we can be more responsive, and things we can’t improve. We absolutely can. But taking positive actions and trusting God is far more likely to strengthen and empower you to take those steps than is indulging in worry or blame. When you are ready to take next steps to create a culture of renewal in your congregation and community, please be in touch.
Creating a Culture of Renewal is designed to empower you to take a quantum leap of faith into dreaming like Jesus, manifesting the kingdom in miraculous ways, and creating a world that works for everyone—with no one and nothing left out! You’re farther on your way than you imagine. If you’d like to be part of a worldwide movement to shift the conversation about the value of church, please join us! We’re here to empower and serve you. Early Bird rates are available through March 31.
Curious about the other things to not give up for Lent? So far, I encourage you to not give up your voice, or your neighborhood.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Mar 6, 2018
I don’t care if your congregation is in an industrial section, a racially mixed or changing neighborhood, on the edge of town, or in a suburban 
enclave. This Lent, don’t give up your neighborhood. It’s one of 5 things your church absolutely shouldn’t give up this Lent. Why? Your neighbors need you. And you need them.
The church is nothing without neighbors. We don’t exist in a vacuum. We’re all about community. The community that is calling you now is right outside your door. Not across the world.
This Lent, I challenge you to get local and reach out to your neighbors, not someone else’s neighbors. I don’t care if it’s been years since you stepped foot in your neighborhood, or all the people who attend your church have long since relocated to other neighborhoods. The folks who live and work around your building are still your people. “The Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood…. Generous inside and out, true from start to finish,” John 1:14 reveals. It’s time for you to do the same.
Do you remember the scene from the movie Sister Act in which the cloistered nuns stepped out of their gated building and into their seemingly unsafe neighborhood? It’s the point at which the movie became really interesting. Turns out the neighborhood wasn’t unwelcoming. The nuns simply hadn’t shown that they were that interested before. Real human connections formed. Offers of friendship, food and play led to shared worship, music and prayer. Once the nuns claimed the neighborhood, the neighborhood claimed the nuns and their message.
The same is true in your neighborhood. They may not know it until you show up, but they are ready for you.
This Lent, take the neighborhood challenge. Get to know people who live and work around your congregation. Walk down the main thoroughfares. See who you can meet. How do they get around? On bikes? Busses? Tractors? Horses? By Foot? By car? Is the area rural or urban or industrial or just plain isolated? Is your neighborhood poor or well to do? Are you surrounded by office buildings, apartment buildings, store-fronts, single-family homes, cow pastures, or highways?
A curious passerby once asked Jesus a question, “Who is my neighbor?” After telling a long story about a man who was beaten and robbed on his way to Jericho, the answer emerged: “The one who acts like a neighbor.”
In one large church I served, we didn’t act much like a neighbor. The building was situated on a hill up above a busy highway. We were at least a quarter mile from any other building. We had to go further down the road to actually see homes and shops. While most folks who worshiped at the church actually lived in the community, in some important ways the congregation was disconnected from the people they were there to serve. We would undertake mission trips to some far-off deserving place, but never show our love locally. I think both the church and the neighborhood missed out that way.
The next church I served was also set up on a hill, located out of sight on the far edge of town. It was more isolated, and yet acted much more neighborly. A laundromat, an RV park and hospital were fairly close by, but no nearby neighbors. That didn’t stop this group of hardy Wyomingites. They were more than willing to find people in town who wanted to connect. We attracted people through summer Worship in the Park, seasonal outreach to apartment dwellers, and home improvement projects for senior citizens. We went into the state penitentiary at Christmas time and at other times of year for Bible study.
Our neighbors noticed our efforts. When the time came, our neighbors reached out to us. They came to us for assistance with funerals, weddings, prayer concerns, and hospital visits. I’m proud of that congregation. They didn’t give up on their neighborhood. In turn, the neighborhood didn’t give up on the church. The community is richer for it.
Here’s what’s interesting. The first church that traveled afar to show love was situated in a more churched part of the country. They could easily have reached out locally and been well-received. The second church was situated in a very unchurched, even de-churched part of the country. Yet they had far more connection with their community. The point is that people, all kinds of people, respond to love. They respond to genuine caring. They respond to authentic interest in their well-being. Isn’t that what we have to offer?
This Lent, don’t give up your neighborhood. You’re there for a reason. It just might be that your neighbors need you. And that you need them.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Feb 27, 2018
During this season of Lent, people of faith are considering what to give up. In years past, I have given up despair, hopelessness, and the 
occasional chocolate donut. I have even tried taking things on, when giving something up felt self-defeating. But this year, I want to make the case for 5 things your church definitely should not give up for Lent.
Give up diet sodas, but don’t give up these things: your voice, your neighborhood, being the church, people and love. This week, I’ll lay out the case for not giving up your voice. As Lent unfolds, I’ll address the additional 4 things.
This Lent, don’t give up your voice. As United Methodists we take a vow to resist evil and injustice in whatever forms they present themselves. If you are uncertain about how to resist evil while not alienating folks, please read about how to take an ethical stance on tough issues by working with the Wesleyan quadrilateral. Don’t shy away from talking about volatile issues such as gun violence simply because everyone might not agree. Agreement is not required. In fact, competing ideas and conflicting messages underscore the need for your clear and courageous voice to be heard.
I know it takes courage to raise your voice. I know it takes time to figure out a faithful response. Please garner the courage and take the time to make your voice heard. It matters.
Here’s what’s at stake: If you silence your voice in the world, then you abdicate your place at the community table. No one is asking you to do that. Your community needs you—more than they know and probably more than you know. Please don’t complain that no one listens to you anymore if you aren’t in fact speaking up.
The challenge is how to articulate your vision and stake your claim without making others wrong. Note: making others wrong gets people riled up. They’ll simply want to make you wrong, in turn. That won’t get you anywhere. I don’t believe you have to make enemies of people with whom you disagree in order to take a principled stance on matters of justice.
Here are three suggestions for how to claim your voice without stomping on other people:
- Proclaim your vision of the Kingdom. Let it transcend the current reality and paint a new picture of what is possible. In Dr. King’s day, civil rights activists were met with water hoses, attack dogs, tear gas, and swinging police batons. Dr. King’s “I have a dream” speech posited a future reality in which sons of former slaves and former slave owners would be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. What’s your dream?
- Frame your message with Gospel values. At the same time, don’t assume that people who see things differently than you do don’t also abide by Gospel values. They probably do. They simply may not think about things in the same way that you do. Respecting people with whom you disagree will elevate the dialogue. I lived in Colorado when the Family Values movement was in full swing. This was long before twitter and hashtags. It was interesting how competing bumper stickers proclaimed both “Homosexuality is not a family value” and “Hate is not a family value.” Because of the way they were worded, I’m not sure either one left room for faithful disagreement.
- Leave room for disagreement. Create a space in which people can join you even if they don’t fully agree with you. It’s not necessary to have total consensus in order to work together. Some of my dearest friends and I disagree on important topics including appropriate human sexuality, to biblical interpretation, to the nature of God, to the existence of heaven and hell, to the veracity of climate change, to the power of prayer. But we don’t allow our differences of opinion to kill the relationship. The truth is, we see eye to eye on most other things. We have left room for disagreement. It works for us.
As you practice using your voice, you’ll develop your own list of what works and what doesn’t. The point is to start speaking up and speaking out. Keep your seat at the table. Your community is listening.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Feb 14, 2018
On Ash Wednesday, we remember how Jesus loved sacrificially. Jesus loved God, his neighbors, and even his enemies. His love for us has transformed the world.
As powerful as these forms of love are, though, there is another kind of love Jesus practiced that is even more powerful. And more rare. This love is the 5th quantum leap of faith Jesus invites us to make. All other attempts at love are diminished without this particular expression of love.
It’s tucked into Jesus’ most famous teaching on love: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.
Most of us—even the highly accomplished among us—can’t help but compare ourselves to others or put ourselves down. We make a national pastime of beating ourselves up. We can’t help it. It seems to be part of the human condition.
Each one of us has an internal voice that judges, assesses, and evaluates. It’s bad enough when we turn that voice on others: “Boy, they’re never going to make it; those poor souls, what’s wrong with them? Why does he always have to look so ridiculous? Why does she DO that? I’m glad I don’t look like that, act like that, talk like that, eat like that, or live like that.”
But the internal voice is downright abusive when we turn it on ourselves: “Geez, you really look fat in those jeans. Look how old you are getting. Rebekah, why did you say that out loud? Now everyone is going to think you are stupid. I’m not a very good friend. Why can’t you be more like him?” And on and on and on. We say the sort of thing to ourselves we would never allow others to say to us.
Can you imagine Jesus having that sort of internal dialogue?
Can you imagine Jesus saying to himself: “Geez, what a jerk I am. I know Peter would have stayed on top of the water, if I had just been more caring or instructive or given him more faith. What’s wrong with me? I know the disciples could’ve cast out the demons on the first try; I am a terrible teacher. If only I was a better lover of God they wouldn’t be marching me off to the cross right now.” Me neither.
“But Jesus was God,” you protest, “Of course he didn’t put himself down.” Yes, Jesus was fully divine. But he was also fully human. That means he must have had that internal voice too.
I wonder if that’s what the story of the temptation in the wilderness is all about. The voice of the tempter tries to lure Jesus into breaking his sacred connection with God. Jesus resists at every turn, instead, elevating God’s word and voice above the destructive one at hand.
Deep down inside, Jesus knew he was one with God, one with the Spirit, and one with all Creation. That knowledge allowed him to transcend the constant negativity that so many of us are saddled with.
Jesus wouldn’t be able to love God or us very well if he was constantly putting himself down. True love of others doesn’t flow well from self-denigration. True love of God is almost impossible from a foundation of self-hate. I believe Jesus was able to love us fully because he didn’t waste any time hating himself or putting himself down. Nor did he blame God for the way things were going in his life.
Do you want to love like Jesus? Then it’s time to take the last quantum leap of faith. To love like Jesus means to love ourselves, and our neighbors, and God. No one of the three kinds of love can be left out.
So how do we love ourselves? First, notice negative self-talk when it begins. Don’t let it go unchallenged. Second, surrender it to God. Only a spiritual connection can adequately counteract that voice. Third, laugh at it. Seriousness intensifies the voice. Taking it lightly is essential to disarming it.
Though we may never be able to turn off the judging, assessing and evaluating completely, with conscious practice, we can turn the volume of negativity way, way down. It’s all about practicing grace with ourselves, and others.
When we practice self-hate, self-neglect, self-abasement, or self-denigration, we harm and damage ourselves. When we practice self-love, we increase our ability to love others. On this Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day it’s clear that more love—not more negativity—is what’s needed.
Ready, set, leap!
