by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Oct 30, 2016
At a recent clergy retreat I led, the conversation went in an unexpected direction. Our focus was on “Leadership Smarts.” But instead of looking at, say, the top 10 things that could make you a better leader, we took a long hard look at the fears that get in our way of leading.
There was a good bit of embarrassment at first, even shame, as people began naming their fears. It’s not easy voicing long-hidden vulnerabilities in front of your peers. Not to mention the people charged with making your next appointment. I have to hand it to them—these folks were brave.
As the exercise continued, though, a funny thing happened. Wry smiles crept across faces. Bits of laughter could be heard. A kind of relief washed across the room. Eventually, the whole room lightened. A deep sense of connection pervaded the gathering. Why? The same kinds of fears were being voiced, over and over again. As it turns out, each person’s fears were harbored secretly but shared widely.
What they revealed were the 7 fears of highly effective leaders.
Fears: everybody’s got ‘em. But hardly anyone wants to admit ‘em. We’re afraid they make us look weak, ineffective, stupid. Right? So who wouldn’t want to avoid feeling that way? No one. That’s why we avoid even talking about them.
But fears have a hidden value, a secret positive power. Tapping into them is what makes a good leader into an exceptional leader. In this article, I want to
share with you the 7 fears of highly effective leaders. And how you can maximize their positive impact.
Here they are:
- Fear of being found out, of being seen as an imposter.
- Fear of making the hard decisions.
- Fear of not living up to their calling, of not getting things done.
- Fear of making people mad.
- Fear of getting it wrong.
- Fear of chaos or conflict.
- Fear of being rejected.
We now know that the brain is hardwired for fear. There’s no getting around it. As one psychologist has noted, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.”
But brain science and the life of faith concur: Fear undermines our ability to think logically, act faithfully, and to walk boldly into an uncertain future.
So what’s the secret, positive power of fear? When it comes to leadership, our fears are the basis of self-limiting beliefs. Those self-limiting beliefs are what limit the scope and effectiveness of the church. Not societal changes. Not the aging demographics of our congregations. Not people’s ability or inability to give. Not changing neighborhoods. Even potential schism in the church. Sure, those factors may compound our troubles. But they’re not the cause of them.
What’s at issue is the way those fears shape our self-understanding. Vicki, a strong and vibrant leader told us: “I always try to hold back; I’m told that I suck all the air out of the room.” What may have once been true, or true in a moment, was taken as forever true. It became her self-limiting belief. In truth, her verve and willingness to broach tough topics mean that productive conversations could get started. When she didn’t speak up, the absence of her voice deadened the room.
Have you noticed this in yourself? What someone once said to us as a child is seen as forever and always as true. What once didn’t work out or pay off becomes a doorway through which we can never walk again. When we’re in the grip of fearful, self-limiting beliefs, we pinch off faith, and shut down courageous action.
The truth is, if we can’t name our fears, we’re unlikely to allow other people to name theirs. And we will be unable to give them the space to deal with and transcend them. Leading adaptive, sustainable change means encountering and confronting fears. That requires growing in our faith and trust.
One year the church I served launched worship in the park. It was a big success. It got so big that several supporters said, let’s partner with other local churches to do this. I had a hidden fear: loss of power and authority. I said no. Meanwhile I was teaching them to be open to possibility, but I myself was not. Or I was as long as I still got to be in charge. They were willing to do more than I was, but I didn’t give them the go-ahead to do so.
I don’t think that was a make or break decision. But it was one of many over the years that limited the church’s trajectory. Now instead of it being a healthy going concern, like many others it has shrunk in size and influence.
If you have any of the 7 fears of highly effective leaders, you’re in good company. If you’re ready to transcend them, you’re in the company of greatness. Here’s how to go about it:
- Name your fears out loud.
- Share them with trusted companions.
- Spend time, imagining what your life would be like without your fears.
- Declare your willingness to live without them, and to live into the new life you have imagined.
- Watch them diminish or disappear.
Fear, unchecked, cripples leaders, hobbles vision, and masks demons. Releasing them is the secret power that sets leaders free to truly lead.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Oct 7, 2016
I’ve never heard a denominational executive say these words before: “You were called by God to serve the Kingdom. So do that. Don’t worry about the institutional church.” He stood before some 40 clergy colleagues at a recent clergy orders retreat I led. The room was quiet, stunned.
After years of paying attention to the three rules of survival, he was inviting these pastors to play a different game. Rather than insure the survival of the institutional church, he was inviting them to transcend that worry and re-connect with the life-giving joy of their call. He was right on. The more we pay attention to survival, the more likely we are to die.
I want to share with you the 3 rules of survival that will do us in. And 3 rules that just might set us free.
The game of survival is all about keeping the church afloat, alive, open another day. It’s one of the strategies we’ve been busy employing as numbers have gone down, membership and worship attendance has dwindled, and doors have closed. Here are the rules of this game and how they do us in:
- Keep the big givers happy. When we put money worries first, what we’re left with is worries. Every new idea, every decision, every ministry has to be judged by whether or not it will upset certain givers. That limits our ability to do ministry. The truth is that God alone is our Source, not any particular giver. Limitless abundance is available to us. But that rushing river of abundance slows down to a trickle when we think it can only come through one person or another. While churches do need money to pay bills, fund ministries, and advance visions, keeping the big givers happy is the wrong way to go about it. It keeps us small by putting personalities before principles. Jesus didn’t say, “Go and make givers of all nations,” but disciples. Worry doesn’t generate miracles; disciples do.
- Don’t rock the boat. The culture of most churches these days is harmony-seeking, stability-oriented, and internally friendly. On the surface, these seem like the most positive of attributes for a church. They are positive. But prioritizing these behaviors over momentum-oriented visions leads a church to stay stuck. Stuck eventually spells death. Churches that insist on things staying the same will find that the one thing they don’t want to happen—decline and death—becomes inevitable.
- Don’t change anything. When I was beginning pastoral ministry, the common wisdom was, “Don’t change anything for a year.” I look back and wonder why. Yes, getting to know the people as they are, and the culture as it exists, is important. But sometimes churches don’t have a year. If we wait a year to change a dynamic that suffocates life, we may have waited a year too long. A few key funerals is all it takes for a church to slip from maturity into decline. A colleague of mine is so inundated with funerals right now that he feels he can’t help the church envision a new future. Without a new vision, though, and the changes that come with fulfilling it, the church will continue to shrink.
There you have it. These are the three rules of survival that will do us in: Keep the big givers happy; don’t rock the boat, and don’t change anything.
But they’re not the only rules we can play by. Try on these new, forward-thinking rules to see what new life they may bring.
- Put ministry before money. Let the vision of the Kingdom and the ministry it inspires in you lead the way. You’ve heard it said, “Do what you love and the money will follow.” It’s true. Imagine how true it is if what we love is also what God loves! Then certainly the money will follow. Jesus and his apostles brought new life to the world without a budget, an endowment, or memorial gifts. They kept the Kingdom in mind, and God supplied the rest—through all sorts of unexpected ways.
- Make waves. Leaders are called to lead change. That means making waves is part of leadership. Learning how to ride them is what helps a church experience new life. Do you long to challenge injustice, advocate for others, deepen the prayer life of the church, reach out to new and different kinds of people? How about trying new forms of worship or a single board governance? All of this will rock the boat. And make the good kind of waves. Waves are good because they necessitate movement. I remember from my biology classes that all living things have one thing in common: the ability to move. What will help your church keep moving?
- Speak up about problems. Every church has them: problems. You may have problem relationships, problem committees, or problems in the community. Not talking about them won’t make them go away. Dealing with them is messy. But ultimately hopeful. It means health can return to a system. Do speak up about problems in a way that is direct, invitational and solution-oriented. You’re not the only one that has noticed them. Be a leader by addressing them.
Look, I’m not saying any of this easy. Each of these new rules requires courage, skill and deep reservoirs of faith. But what’s the alternative? If all we do is try to protect the status quo—even that will slip away. These are the days to be bold and of good courage. Take it from one visionary, institutional top dog: “You were called to serve the Kingdom. Do that. Don’t worry about the institutional church.”
Not sure how to make these changes, or how to stay sane in the midst of the fear and anxiety change can cause? Please contact me; I’ve got your back. I empower church leaders to accelerate vitality and interrupt church decline through creating a culture of renewal.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Aug 23, 2016
I’d like to delete the words just and simply from church vocabulary. They’re dishonest. I know; I used them way too often as a pastor. As in, “To be a disciple of Jesus Christ, all you have to do is simply give your life to him.” Or, “To join this church, you just have to come to a new member’s class.” Or, “Just give what you are able.” Or, “To be on this committee, we just need you to attend a monthly meeting.”
I used those words because I was afraid to scare people off. I wanted them to dive in, unafraid. Like the old Alka Seltzer commercial, “Try it, you’ll like it.” Here’s the trouble. Just and simply are indicative of a low expectation culture. One that practices mediocre grace and doesn’t bear much fruit. Jesus didn’t have much use for trees that didn’t bear fruit. Or churches that were lukewarm.
People responded to my just and simply invitations. The church seemed to grow. But the growth wasn’t sustainable.
The truth is, discipleship takes effort and courage, and lots of it. There’s nothing simple about it. Even being an effective or committed church member requires much more than just attending a new member’s class. It takes a lot of commitment: prayers, presence, gifts, service and witness.
So how do we go from a church of just and simply to a church that grows and bears much fruit? I’d like to suggest adding these three words to church vocabulary.
EXPECT
As in, “Expect the Spirit to move in worship.” At a recent Mixed Messages about Money workshop, we looked at the hidden messages communicated in worship bulletins. “Why not begin with the vision of the church?” I asked. One pastor hesitated, “Well, I wouldn’t want to get people’s hopes up about what might happen in worship.” Why not? If we lead with low expectations, its unlikely that much will happen. If we expect a miracle, we might actually see one. I say raise people’s expectations, and then strive to meet them.
As in, “We expect you will grow here.” That means giving them opportunities to grow spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. As one DS friend recently commented, “We say we do leadership development for lay leaders, but that’s pretty much a misnomer.” Most churches don’t. Review your small group offerings: Do they encourage people to grow in their thinking, their actions, and their compassion? Do you challenge people or just comfort them? New discoveries are made in Biblical studies all the time. Are you passing them on?
As in, “We expect ourselves to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ.” People rise to the expectations we have of them. Make sure your church provides the structure for this growth. Be sure to discuss the value of prayer, presence, gifts, service and witness often. Then make opportunities for testimony, story-sharing, and recognition.
VISION
As in, “This is the vision of our church; the vision we believe God has called us to.” High expectation churches live with vision. These churches have a sense of purpose and power. They know where they are going, even if they don’t know how they’ll get there. Vision requires faith. Faith requires trust. Trust empowers growth. Growth invites action. And action gets people going.
As in, “This is how we’ll live out our vision.” Talk about the vision often. Vision unites and inspires people. It creates momentum and fuels expectation. Think you’re talking about it too much? Just about the time you get sick of proclaiming the vision, some people will finally hear it for the first time.
TRY
As in, “Let’s try it!” Invite experimentation, adventure, and faith in service of the vision. If your church has nixed new ideas for a long time, or been overly cautious about risk, saying yes will feel risky. The key here is to continue saying yes to the new idea—with your energy, your prayers, and your support—until you have seen it through to completion.
As in, “We invite you to try a covenant group.” Covenant groups done well are high accountability experiences. Once the foundation is laid for personal accountability then organizational accountability is not far behind. On the flip side, group covenants done well also create accountability. I invite you to try being intentional about how your church operates. When Jesus counseled us to let our no be no and our yes be yes, he was speaking about intentionality. Give meaning and purpose to your words and your life. Covenant groups and group covenants accomplish that.
As in, “Let’s trust God and try new things.” Here are some more things to try. Try working with deadlines; holding people to account moves things along. Try new ministries; you just might find your unique niche. Try leaving the building; set up a prayer or listening post at your local pub, coffee shop or park. Try being honest and transparent; that’s always refreshing. Try risking in love; that’s what Jesus did.
Most of all, try giving up “just” and “simply.” See if you can replace them with the vocabulary of growth. I expect great things will come as you try living into a new vision of church!
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Aug 14, 2016
I’d like to delete the words just and simply from church vocabulary. They’re dishonest. I know; I used them way too often as a pastor. As in, “To be a disciple of Jesus Christ, all you have to do is simply give your life to him.” Or, “To join this church, you just have to come to a new member’s class.” Or, “Just give what you are able.” Or, “To be on this committee, we just need you to attend a monthly meeting.”
I used those words because I was afraid to scare people off. I wanted them to dive in, unafraid. Like the old Alka Seltzer commercial, “Try it, you’ll like it.” Here’s the trouble. Just and simply are indicative of a low expectation culture. One that practices mediocre grace and doesn’t bear much fruit. Jesus didn’t have much use for trees that didn’t bear fruit. Or churches that were lukewarm.
People responded to my just and simply invitations. The church seemed to grow. But the growth wasn’t sustainable.
The truth is, discipleship takes effort and courage, and lots of it. There’s nothing simple about it. Even being an effective or committed church member requires much more than just attending a new member’s class. It takes a lot of commitment: prayers, presence, gifts, service and witness.
So how do we go from a church of just and simply to a church that grows and bears much fruit? I’d like to suggest adding these three words to church vocabulary.
EXPECT
As in, “Expect the Spirit to move in worship.” At a recent Mixed Messages about Money workshop, we looked at the hidden messages communicated in worship bulletins. “Why not begin with the vision of the church?” I asked. One pastor hesitated, “Well, I wouldn’t want to get people’s hopes up about what might happen in worship.” Why not? If we lead with low expectations, its unlikely that much will happen. If we expect a miracle, we might actually see one. I say raise people’s expectations, and then strive to meet them.
As in, “We expect you will grow here.” That means giving them opportunities to grow spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. As one DS friend recently commented, “We say we do leadership development for lay leaders, but that’s pretty much a misnomer.” Most churches don’t. Review your small group offerings: Do they encourage people to grow in their thinking, their actions, and their compassion? Do you challenge people or just comfort them? New discoveries are made in Biblical studies all the time. Are you passing them on?
As in, “We expect ourselves to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ.” People rise to the expectations we have of them. Make sure your church provides the structure for this growth. Be sure to discuss the value of prayer, presence, gifts, service and witness often. Then make opportunities for testimony, story-sharing, and recognition.
VISION
As in, “This is the vision of our church; the vision we believe God has called us to.” High expectation churches live with vision. These churches have a sense of purpose and power. They know where they are going, even if they don’t know how they’ll get there. Vision requires faith. Faith requires trust. Trust empowers growth. Growth invites action. And action gets people going.
As in, “This is how we’ll live out our vision.” Talk about the vision often. Vision unites and inspires people. It creates momentum and fuels expectation. Think you’re talking about it too much? Just about the time you get sick of proclaiming the vision, some people will finally hear it for the first time.
TRY
As in, “Let’s try it!” Invite experimentation, adventure, and faith in service of the vision. If your church has nixed new ideas for a long time, or been overly cautious about risk, saying yes will feel risky. The key here is to continue saying yes to the new idea—with your energy, your prayers, and your support—until you have seen it through to completion.
As in, “We invite you to try a covenant group.” Covenant groups done well are high accountability experiences. Once the foundation is laid for personal accountability then organizational accountability is not far behind. On the flip side, group covenants done well also create accountability. I invite you to try being intentional about how your church operates. When Jesus counseled us to let our no be no and our yes be yes, he was speaking about intentionality. Give meaning and purpose to your words and your life. Covenant groups and group covenants accomplish that.
As in, “Let’s trust God and try new things.” Here are some more things to try. Try working with deadlines; holding people to account moves things along. Try new ministries; you just might find your unique niche. Try leaving the building; set up a prayer or listening post at your local pub, coffee shop or park. Try being honest and transparent; that’s always refreshing. Try risking in love; that’s what Jesus did.
Most of all, try giving up “just” and “simply.” See if you can replace them with the vocabulary of growth. I expect great things will come as you try living into a new vision of church!
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jul 29, 2016
Note that the following blog post was written by guest blogger Joyce deToni-Hill.
Ten days ago I returned home from my two month pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Camino 
wisdom tells us that the pilgrimage begins upon returning home as we re-view our lives in “ordinary time” through the lens of lessons learned while on the journey. As I unpack my literal and spiritual backpack over these past ten days I’m rediscovering the gifts of the journey. Here are some of my important lessons.
Responding to the Call – A pilgrim pastime is to share call stories- When did we first “hear” the invitation to walk? What are we looking for? How did we rearrange our lives to respond? Prevenient grace taps us on the shoulder, inviting us to seek and find. Responding requires risk as we intentionally enter the threshold of liminal space and time. Wisdom tells us to stay in that liminality for as long as we can so that God can mold and shape us.
Pray without Ceasing –The hours of walking alone and with others activates memories, hopes, joys, and even deep grief. I was often mystified in the times I spontaneously teared up with feelings of gratitude or grief. The camino communities provided daily opportunities to step into small chapels to pray and leave a monetary offering. By the end of the pilgrimage I made it my practice to step into every church to pray. I have concluded that the practice of praying without ceasing continues to shape our spirits to have the mind of Christ.
The Camino Provides – “The camino provides” is the common mantra on pilgrimage. The pilgrim is called to let go of control and trust in providence each day. It was difficult to trust in the journey’s process especially when I felt vulnerable around language skills, and walking solo. But the act of trusting allowed me to let go of my insecurities and experience more fully than in the times I pre-booked and scheduled my day. Trusting and letting go enabled me to meet new people, stay in unique villages and hostels, and delight in serendipity. It taught me to not only be a gracious giver but a gracious receiver as well.
Simplicity – Pilgrims pack lightly and sensibly. To walk further we carry less. That doesn’t mean the pilgrim skimps on quality and investing in proper equipment. The exercise of preparing to walk far by carrying less offers the opportunity to assess the most important things and to keep the main thing the main thing. After living simply for two months I returned home feeling a deep need to significantly lesson the contents of my home. And the spiritual practice of sorting enables us to make room for the new directions and beginnings jump started by the pilgrimage.
Discernment – Walking simply outdoors each day required a constant check-in with myself. “What do I need today? Rest? Patience? Companionship? Privacy? New Equipment? Better food choices? A Bus? Is the road I’m on a good one or shall I reroute to option two? Pilgrims on the “Way” expected this daily discernment and respected their walking partners when they needed to make different choices. There was such a grace in recognizing that each one of us had various daily needs. Daily discernment is the gift we need to offer ourselves when we get stuck in our daily trajectories. We often forget to check in with ourselves and others.
Trust the Arrows- Really! – Ninety-nine percent of pilgrims have some form of guidebook. Books are not necessary because the entire way is marked by yellow arrows. Each community marks their portion of the route with yellow arrows and some provide beautifully designed shell signs in an extravagant act of hospitality to the stranger. There were times I wondered if I was still on the correct path only to look up to spy the yellow arrow at exactly the moment I needed assurance. Each morning I stepped out of the hostel and took a 360 degree look for that blessed yellow arrow. It was an act of pure trust to traverse from one community to the next in unfamiliar territory guided by a simple anonymously placed arrow. Camino wisdom now leaves me with the urge to look up a lot more often with both head and heart and to pray with the psalmist, “Make Thy way plain before my face.”(Psalm 5:8)
Going Home by Another Way – One of my big surprises on the Camino was the yearning for “more”. As I neared Santiago, I overheard walkers making plans to continue the journey as far as they could go. Some cancelled hotel and plane reservations in order to continue past Santiago on an 80 mile walk to the villages of Finesterre and Muxia on the Atlantic ocean. Ancient Celts and Romans regarded these two locations as the literal ends of the earth. Historically these were places where people burned a clothing item or changed a name or set new intentions for their lives. Today the parade of pilgrims still marches up to the lighthouse to burn items on the rocks, and squeeze their paper prayers into the slots of the lighthouse fence. I met other pilgrims with extra time who decided to extend their journey home by way of other countries. The journey expands confidence as we test our strength while walking in community with the world’s people. The Camino expands our boundaries and vision to embrace more in a time when we often settle for less.
As I reflect on the pilgrim journey and its gifts, I recognize that the Way has blessed my spirit. I did not, could not, know the gifts it would bring, as I followed its whispered invitation across the threshold. As our Christian story 
models for us, walking in faith is like that – at the Spirit’s invitation we go, and the Way is revealed as we walk.
Joyce DeToni-Hill is a native of Michigan. Ordained for nearly 30 years she currently serves with her spouse Derek as pastor of Central UMC in Colorado Springs CO. You can contact Joyce at re****@*****st.net.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jun 7, 2016
“We’re always on to the next thing,” one pastor friend confided to me. “At least that’s how the people in my Annual Conference see it. We’re ever on to the latest, greatest solution for church growth.”
“Do you ever pause and celebrate what you have accomplished?” I asked.
“No.”
That got me thinking. These initiatives may seem like passing fads which Annual Conferences mindlessly chase after. But I doubt that’s what’s actually happening. In my experience, denominational executives are working on several fronts at the same time. After all, different kinds of congregations and leaders need different kinds of approaches. Congregational renewal is not one size fits all. My work with emotional intelligence demonstrates that.
I have often wondered, though, if people would respond more favorably to the myriad processes their Annual Conferences offer, if only they were aware of how much had actually been accomplished with each one.
There’s no way of knowing what’s been accomplished if we don’t pause, communicate, and celebrate. That’s why I’m defending the oft neglected practice of resting on your laurels.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with savoring our successes. When the Romans borrowed the Greek idea of presenting a wreath of laurel leaves to victorious military commanders, there was no implication that “resting” on them was bad. That negative connotation didn’t come for another 10 centuries.
Getting back to my friend’s Annual Conference–I wonder how many new ministries they have launched since focusing on processes for renewal? Harder to measure but equally important—how many fights have been avoided, how many members and volunteers have been re-energized? How many callings to the ministry have been reclaimed?
We can’t know these things unless we make space for collecting and telling these stories. That means taking time to rest on our laurels. Not forever. Not even for a long time. But long enough to actually soak up and celebrate all that has been gained.
As the semi-frenetic pastor of an active congregation, I had habitually pushed on to the next thing. And the next. And the next. Driven by both the joy of accomplishment and the fear of boredom.
“Rev. Rebekah,” my active lay leader sheepishly confessed to me one day, “we’re tired. We need a rest. Can’t we just stop for a bit and see how far we have actually come?”
When Jesus went into the wilderness to pray, we have no idea what he prayed. But we do know this: he paused. Surely something good and life-giving happened during that time.
Year End Reports are a statistical attempt to pause and to reflect on what has been done. But we have to look beyond our own particular congregations to get the big picture. Sure, worship attendance or membership may be down in your setting. But other numbers may be trending upward. In one Annual Conference I work with, church attendance is down, but baptisms are up! Not bad. In another, average worship attendance itself is actually up.
There’s no way of knowing this stuff unless we, as a body, actually stop and reflect. Then take it one step farther: celebrate.
What could you celebrate in your Annual Conference? Look for what you are doing doing well, and then emphasize it. Perspectives shift when we focus on what is going well.
Recently, I listened to a panel of General Conference delegates report on what happened in Portland last month. I expected a reprisal of the tougher issues that emerged at GC including painful disagreements over how to address human sexuality. I was not disappointed.
What most captured my attention, though, was the report of a first-time laywoman delegate. “This was my first time at General Conference,” she smiled. “I didn’t even begin to think about it until about a week or two before I went. I arrived with an open mind.”
She went on to relate her delight about the milestones celebrated: the 250th anniversary of John Street Church in New York City, the 200th anniversary of Bishop Francis Asbury’s death, the 60th anniversary of full clergy rights for women, the 30th anniversary of Disciple Bible Study, the upcoming 25th anniversary of Africa University and 150th anniversary of the United Methodist Women. She was amazed at all the Church had accomplished in such a short period of time.
Now I’m the last person to whitewash history. Much of my work has been about empowering the church to embrace a truly Jewish Jesus, unlearn anti-Semitism, deal with what our Scriptures say about environmental stewardship, and creatively address the reality of church decline.
But still! What a breath of fresh air to listen to her celebrate our accomplishments. For a moment, we all rested on our laurels.
I wonder what would happen if we insisted on these breaths of fresh air more often? If we purposefully paused and savored our successes more than once every four years?
No, it wouldn’t resolve all our challenges or erase our differences. But it might just energize us to carry on creatively—conscious of the positive impact we are having on the world around us, and proud of the gains we are making.
