by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 9, 2017
My grandmother, Miriam Harris Goldberg, just passed away at the age of 100 years old. I cancelled meetings, a dentist appointment, phone calls, lunch with one friend and dinner with another. Saying goodbye to my grandmother and being with family is my top priority now. Everything my husband and I had planned is on hold—to be rescheduled or simply released.
We haven’t been to a funeral in over a year, so death hasn’t impacted us too much recently. That’s not the case in many churches. One pastor I know of has performed 48 funerals in 6 months. It takes all her time. And, all the emotional energy of the congregation.
How can you lead a congregation into a new future when dealing with death is taking all your time? Jesus recommended letting the dead bury their own dead. Seems heartless. What do you do when you can’t?
According to George Bullard’s Life Cycle and Stages of Congregational Development, thriving churches are propelled by vision. A new and exciting future calls them forward. They’re busy with new life and new possibilities. Dying churches, however, are framed by a different set of realities. Aging members, burgeoning conflict, fewer new people, a shrinking base of people to carry out programs, and a desire for the church to be there to bury its remaining members are the chief concerns of congregations that have crested the hill.
Can these bones even live again? I believe so. Here are 5 possibilities.
1. Expect Resurrection. Even Jesus’ death brought new life. How can the deaths in your congregation do the same? It’s easy to get discouraged when you see your base dying. Instead, watch for signs of new life. Make this question a focus of hopeful prayer.
2. Multiply yourself. Jesus trained his disciples and apostles to do what he did. They were well-schooled in teaching, healing, and casting out demons. The message of the kingdom didn’t die when he did. Are you multiplying yourself? Mentor others now in leading, teaching, praying, visiting the sick and crafting vision. Teach your lay leaders to do the same.
3. Be Like Moses. Don’t even try to do it all yourself. At Jethro’s prompting, Moses used other leaders around him to manage the impossible tasks that were before him. Ask retired pastors, Certified Lay Ministers and Lay Speakers to conduct funerals or graveside services where appropriate. This frees you up to keep the congregation moving forward. It also uses the gifts and graces of others who are eager to serve.
4. Practice both/and. It’s hard to move forward when you’re immersed in funerals. If you must conduct all these funerals yourself, use regularly scheduled times—such as prayer meetings, joys and concerns, church council–to pray for new vision. Refuse to let burying the dead be your only ministry. Make space for new life to flow in the midst of dying.
5. Don’t bury the dead before they’re dead. When my husband’s uncle was in the nursing home, dying of COPD, he grew very discouraged. “Why can’t I just die?” he asked. I countered with, “Why do you think God has you here? What is there still left for you to do?” The question hit home. He took on a new interest in his own life. He became more vigilant about doing physical therapy. He began to visit more with other residents. He wasn’t a praying person but he used his life to make the lives of others more enjoyable. Can you shift the conversation in your own church from aches, pains and ailments to what God is still asking them to do?
If you are feeling deadened by shrinking congregations, mounting responsibilities, and a disappearing base, be sure to take care of yourself. Check out the opportunities for spiritual and congregational renewal that we offer.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 2, 2017
As we start the new year, I want to share with you 7 counter-intuitive resolutions for 2017. Plus 2 bonus resolutions. If you are a growing church, pay close attention. Even if you are not growing, but you want to begin to grow, you can participate in this game as well. Don’t worry about doing all of them. Even taking on 3-4 of them will make a profound difference for you and the life of the church.
- LOVE YOURSELF. It’s true that we love our neighbors as ourselves. Want to be a better neighbor? Start by refusing to judge or berate yourself. Then practice unconditional self-respect, self-love, and self-acceptance. Let that kind of love radiate out to those around you. TIP: Start by smiling at yourself in the mirror.
- PRAY THE NEXT PRAYER. It’s easy to get stuck with a basic prayer like, “God be with us.” Or “God bless us.” Or “God help us.” The truth is God is always, always, always with us. There is no place we can go where God is not. Likewise, since God is love, God is always blessing us. And God is always there to help us. So trust these basic realities, and begin to pray the next prayer. What do you want to co-create with God? What do you envision for the coming year? Pray that prayer. TIP: Start by thanking God for always being there, always blessing, and always helping.
- ENVISION THE FUTURE. Develop a vision that expands assumptions about what is possible. Then plan something beyond your ability to accomplish. Stretching yourself will allow the Spirit of God to work in new ways among you. With God in the picture, even stale realities can be transformed. TIP: Envision what the Kingdom might look like in your corner of the world. Ask how you can contribute to making that a reality.
- GOSPEL LESSON. Read the Gospels out loud together as a group. At least a chapter at a time. Allow the originality of Jesus’ message to speak to you again. Let the big picture emerge. Listen for what is new, empowering, unexpected. TIP: Sit in silence for 3 minutes and absorb what you’ve heard before anyone speaks.
- START FRESH. Clean out a cluttered closet or classroom. Take down old banners or decorations. Paint the bathrooms and the sanctuary. Let go of a ministry or project that no longer bears fruit. Update your website. Delete your old phone message. Create space for new ideas, new people, new projects. TIP: If it’s stained, unused, unclaimed, or out of date, it’s time to let it go!
- PRACTICE HEAVEN. Make friends with someone you are afraid of, or someone who angers you. Don’t try to fix or change them. Instead, find the best in them as they are right now. This will be good practice for heaven. TIP: Start by silently sending them love. Even if you don’t feel it.
- DISBELIEVE. Let go of stubbornly held beliefs that only serve to keep you stuck. For instance: We can’t grow in this neighborhood. Children aren’t attracted to this church. We don’t have enough money to pay our tithes. I’m not good enough. Things are only going to get worse. Bottom line: Don’t live into negative self-fulfilling prophesies. Instead, create positive ones. Either way, they’ll come true. Might as well choose a future you’ll love! TIP: Start by looking at where you are stuck. Find the disempowering belief at the base of it. Write it down and turn it over to God. Then create anew.
Here are two bonus counter-intuitive resolutions to make 2017 a positive year to remember:
- GET THE BACKSTORY. People’s theologies, politics and life choices make a heck of a lot more sense when we know the backstory. Why they think the way they do. Why they feel the way they do. Why they do what they do. Share your stories with each other. Practice listening with your head and your heart. TIP: Lay aside questions and debate. Don’t plan any response. See them as a child of God.
- DON’T CATER TO FEAR. Before, during and after the presidential election, people’s fears crystallized. Anger and attack have become the go-to responses. It creates an us v. them mentality. Don’t cater to fear. Instead, let the Gospel of love and courage, faith and self-sacrifice, action and empowerment be your guide. TIP: Ask, if God is for us then who can be against us? Remember, we are all “us.”
Resolutions are a way of setting your intentions. Intentions are powerful corollaries to faith and prayer. They allow us to co-create with God. All good things are waiting for us this year, but we must be open vessels to receive them. Set your intentions for the year, and then take actions consistent with these intentions to watch your words come to life!
Not sure what to do first or how to take action? Email me at re*****@*************er.com and ask me your questions. I’m here to help!
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Dec 5, 2016
As Christians, we’re called to love everyone. It’s certainly not easy—as family dynamics, church politics and presidential elections make clear—but with soulful intentionality it can be done. Kudos to you if you’re grooving on that wavelength!
Yes, we’re called to love everyone. But don’t worry if you don’t like everyone. Like and love are not the same thing. In fact, liking everyone, especially at church, is usually a bad sign. I’d go so far as to say that if you like everyone at your church, it’s an indication that your church may be in decline.
As I see it, if you like everyone at church, you probably have one of four situations going on.
A. You’re not paying attention.
B. You’ve recently been unexpectedly snatched from the jaws of death. All of life is joyous and nobody, I mean nobody, could rain on your parade.
C. You’re not telling the truth. You are caring and kind to people, but deep down inside certain people bother you. A lot.
D. Everyone at your church is just like you. With few exceptions, fellow church goers look, sound, think, believe, process, dress and talk in a way that is pleasing to you. What’s not to like?
If you chose A, wake up! Life is passing you by. The good and the bad. Widen your circle.
If you chose B, enjoy it while it lasts. This too shall pass, my friend.
If you chose C, breathe a sigh of relief. Being bothered by others is a good sign. It means that there is a certain amount of diversity at your church. Perhaps it’s generational, or theological or political or cultural. Or maybe it’s simply that they lead with the head and you lead with the heart. Or they like to jump into things and talk incessantly while you like to take your time and keep your own counsel. Diversity can be annoying in the short-term, but it’s vital for long-term sustainability. You need those differences, even if you don’t like them. Healthy DNA, robust ecosystems, and strong economies all depend upon diversity.
If you chose D, sit down; we need to talk. While this might seem incredibly positive, it’s not. Liking everyone brings a curious trouble. Too much harmony isn’t actually desirable. It means there is not enough diversity in your church. More specifically, it probably means there’s a lack of daring, risk-taking, adventurous, visionary, overly-emotional or off-the-wall people at your church. Instead–the qualities of stability, dependability, and predictability probably rule the day. The truth is, you need all of the above in your church. And you need to develop greater emotional intelligence to deal with them.
While liking-everyone-harmony keeps the annoyance factor at bay, it also means that you’re missing out on new ways of thinking, sensing, and understanding. In this day and age, when the world around is constantly changing, we need the ability to be nimble. Otherwise, we’ll never try new things. The healthiest churches have a variety of personalities and preferences. When guided by a strong Kingdom-oriented vision with lots of buy-in, different personalities and preferences working together can unleash tremendous momentum for good.
Jesus’ own circle of followers included people who didn’t like each other: the quiet and the headstrong; those who stepped out of the boat and those whose faith was smaller than a mustard seed; fishermen and scholars, tax collectors and the heavily-taxed, siblings in competition, Pharisees and Zealots. Because of the varied gifts they brought to the table, the movement survived. I imagine they grew to love each other in time, but I doubt they all liked each other.
Can you imagine if all Jesus’ disciples were clones of Peter? Or Martha? Or Mary? Or Bartholomew? Jesus knew the value of diversity, and practiced it. What about you?
Okay, let’s say you realize you need more diversity. You’re open to it. You get that your church can’t survive without it. You’re even ready to have people in church you don’t necessarily like. But you can’t seem to get there. You have invited people and they don’t come. You have extended a welcome but no
one has taken you up on it. No worries.
Here are some ways to begin to connect with people you may not like. And to get comfortable with people who are different from you. It all starts with meeting people you might normally avoid. Here’s how:
1. When you’re out and about, observe who you avoid, judge, or steer clear of. These are the very people to go towards. Not because they need you necessarily, but because you need them. If you think “Tsk, tsk!” when seeing them, open your mouth and say hello.
2. Notice someone who has an outrageous hair style, an unexpected mode of transportation, an unusual job, an unfamiliar accent, a different skin color, or a surprising fashion sense. Make eye contact. Smile. Say hello. Strike up a conversation.
3. Visit a store you don’t normally shop in. Or dine in a restaurant you don’t normally eat in. While you’re there, speak to someone you wouldn’t normally talk to. Even if it’s just about the weather.
4. When you’re ready to go deeper, ask people what they love about their lives. Ask them where they find beauty in the world. Ask them if they would pray for you.
At first, you might not like any of these people. As you get to know them more, they might really rub you the wrong way. Perfect. It means they have something you need—a new way of looking at the world, a different style of communication, a distinctive way of processing information, or a unique way of understanding God.
Now that you’ve gone out of your way to meet new and different people, look for those same kind of stretch-your-boundaries-folks at church. See if you can identify people there that you wouldn’t normally talk to. People you suspect would upset you. Go out of your way to meet them and get to know them.
Finally, pay attention to your differences and see what you can learn from them. Discover the ways your personalities and preferences complement each other, instead of duplicate each other. You might just learn to love them. Even if you don’t like them. As you find ways to do Kingdom work together, you’ll discover the curious strength of partnering with people you may not even like.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 28, 2016
What’s the main reason people leave the church? It’s not politics. It’s not traditional worship. It’s not talk of money. It’s not unfriendly or overbearing people. It’s not the appearance or age of the building. It’s not generationally-imbalanced congregations. It’s not a lack of technology. Nope; none of these are the top reasons people give for why they leave the church.
A new study by the Public Religion Research Institute reveals that most religiously unaffiliated people, or “nones,” enter that category because they simply stop believing in their childhood religion. Of those folks, most drop out before the age of 30.
From the hymns and songs to the children’s message and the sermon, from the call to worship to the benediction, what we should believe and what the church believes is often emphasized in the local church. At a time when churches are desperately aware of the lack of young people, it’s hard to swallow this truth: Nones are 25% of the US population and rising. They’re not coming to church now and they’re unlikely to come back.
That puts churches in a quandary. What do you do when belief isn’t enough to keep young people engaged? I’d like to offer some suggestions, including one from Paul and one from Jesus.
As I see it, we’ve got at least five options.
-
- Don’t change a thing. Continue to focus on time-honored beliefs. After all, they surely provide a steady and constant source of comfort. They bring peace to world-weary hearts. And there are plenty of people who are buoyed by a recitation of the beliefs of the faith.
Tip: Pray for those who don’t share your beliefs, and move on.
2. Ask nones what it is they don’t believe in. No need to wonder or guess. Simply talk with nones and find out what it is they no longer believe in. They’ll be happy to share with you and probably pleased that someone cares enough to ask. I have asked several people this question, including my own father who left the church of his childhood at the age of 18. While my dad doesn’t talk faith, we have many interesting conversations about cosmology, science and ultimate meaning. It’s surprising how much we still share in common, even without the language of faith.
Tip: Be open, straightforward, and curious. Ask open-ended questions and listen without judgement. See what you can learn from the conversation.
3. Put away the baby food. In 1 Corinthians 3:2, Paul wrote that many believers were immature in their faith. They had been on a steady diet of milk and haven’t yet graduated to solid food. The famous developmental psychologist, James Fowler, suggests that wasn’t simply an ancient problem. He identifies a similar dynamic in his theory of stages of faith development. If most people leave before they are 30, maybe it’s because we in church rehearse a child-appropriate understanding of our beliefs, rather than an adult version. Fowler suggests that as we mature, we can handle ambiguity, uncertainty, and lots of grey area. Not only can we, we must, or we don’t mature as human beings. Perhaps it’s time for us all to put away the baby food and move from milk to solid food. That may not bring nones back, but it will likely mature the people who are sitting in the pews.
Tip: Check out where have you focused on black and white perspectives instead of entertaining ambiguity, nuance, and critical thinking. Discover where you have been unwilling to discuss new ways of looking at things or insisted: “This is the way it is.” Perhaps it isn’t.
4. Focus on behavior as much as belief. Jesus, in fact, seems to prefer this option. He’s pretty clear that calling him “Lord” isn’t enough (Matthew 7:21-23). It isn’t what you say about Jesus that makes you a disciple or ushers you into the Kingdom of Heaven, but if you actually do God’s will. He’s also pretty clear on what that is. Later in the same Gospel (Matthew 25:31-46) he references how one inherits the Kingdom: giving the hungry food, giving the thirsty drink, welcoming the stranger, clothing the naked, caring for the sick and visiting the imprisoned. How do your churches do at emphasizing Kingdom behavior? Do you talk about it? Do you give people ways to do this? If not, begin now. If you already do, what can you do to re-organize church activities around these Kingdom behaviors even more?
Tip: Look at your bulletin and church calendar to see which organized activities and ministries take precedence in your church. Map your ministries under Belief-Building Activities and Kingdom-Building Behaviors to see where your church has invested its energy, time and resources. What can you do to channel resources to Kingdom-Building Behaviors?
5. Incorporate a 3rd B. Beyond belief and behavior is the 3rd B of being. Does your church offer any experiences that empower people to enter and dwell in the presence of God? For some people, hymns and songs do it. For others, mission trips and service give people the experience of God. But those things don’t do it for everyone. One of the most powerful church services I attend begins with 3 minutes of quiet meditation each morning. No matter what else is happening. People are invited to enter the presence of the Divine. Another church I know offers prayer that directly involves people. The leader creates a structure for people to offer their own prayers to God, with prompting, on various subjects. There is enough silence and pausing for people to be able to do that. Other churches I know offer the opportunity to light a candle and say a prayer, walk a labyrinth.
Tip: Map your worship service to see what experiences of heightened being are offered. If your church only offers these options outside of worship, ask yourself: Why? Why is the direct experience of connecting with the presence of God not offered during worship? What options can you incorporate into seasonal and regular worship services.
Twenty-five percent of the potential church-going population isn’t satisfied with the experiences we offer. Are you? More and more church-goers want something more. Before more folks leave your church for good, have some honest discussions at your church about what’s working, what isn’t, and what you can do about it. There’s no shame in examining your beliefs, your approach to them, or your presentation of them. That’s something communities of faith have done for generations.
Need some help? Contact me; I specialize in helping churches create a culture of renewal. I’d be happy to assist you in mapping the ministries of the church, and your worship experiences, to make sure you’re reaching all the folks God has brought to your church. Email me at re*****@***************er.com, or check out www.cultureofrenewal.com for further learning opportunities.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 22, 2016
True confessions: I’m a recovering worrier. I can worry at the drop of a hat. I do some of my best work in the middle of the night. When a problem gets resolved, my mind naturally searches for the next thing that could possibly go wrong so that I can get a head start. Worry beads would be wasted on me. I need boulders.
As bad as that may sound, I’m not as bad as I used to be. I’ve made progress. I’ve got more peace of mind, more calm and equanimity, a more positive outlook on life. What’s made the difference? Gratitude.
As a Christian, I used to be very suspicious of gratitude. It seemed a frivolous luxury when there were still people in need, still problems to be solved, and messes still to be cleaned up. Gratitude seemed better left for carefree atheists or Unitarians or some such people. For me, a Jewish-Christian, worry equaled caring.
Gratitude has changed that for me. Even so, I can still lapse into guilt at the holidays, what with its focus on thanksgiving and joy. Is it really okay to feel grateful…even with people going to bed hungry, even with the globe warming, even with Trump soon to enter the Oval Office? If you’re like me, you may wonder: What’s a worrier to do?
I thought this would be a good time to reveal the 3 secret reasons to be grateful. Even if you’re not. Especially if you’re not.
Gratitude grows faith. In Philippians 4:4-7, the Apostle Paul famously addressed the worriers at Philippi. “Rejoice!” he insists. “Again I say rejoice!” Why the command to rejoice? When we lace our prayers with gratitude, we create a protective shield against the corrosive power of fear. Fear is the basis of worry. While worry paralyzes, gratitude grows faith.
Is everything going right in the world? Or in your church? Sure doesn’t seem like it! But worry and fear do nothing to change that. Instead, maintaining a connection with the limitless flow of divine love protects us and empowers us.
Gratitude shifts perspective. Worry and fear generate more worry and fear. Gratitude opens up the door to new ways of thinking. Sometimes I play the game of thanking God for things that I think are unjust, unfair, or just plain unwanted. Like my dear neighbor getting cancer. Or my insomnia, even when I go to bed at a decent hour. Or the election of a president I voted against.
Fair warning: It’s not easy expressing gratitude for things you don’t want. I feel fake and self-conscious doing it. But I do it anyway and my synapses get re-arranged. Worry moves aside. A new opening appears as I ask: Could anything good come from this situation?
The answer is yes. It’s always yes.
Now the yesses were there before I thanked God, but expressing gratitude for situations I didn’t want allows me to see them. For instance, in the case of my neighbor with cancer, my prayer prompted me to have a different kind of conversation with her. In the process, I discovered that she had reconciled with her brother, and adopted a stray cat. Who knew? I wouldn’t have known that. Likewise, sleepless nights prompt me to pray and mediate; things I don’t do enough of during the day. Even Trump’s election has prompted all sorts of people to better make their voices be heard.
Here’s what it comes down to: Pre-gratitude, all I can see is the bad. Post-gratitude, I can see the good that is also transpiring. It changes my perspective and expands my awareness.
Gratitude empowers. Finally, gratitude jolts me out of resignation. When I give thanks for the things I’m not thankful for, not only are my heart and mind protected from corrosive fear; not only can I see potential good in every situation; I am empowered to act in a way that brings even more goodness into the world.
At a recent church meeting, a group of leaders stopped to pray in the middle of a worrisome situation. As a result, new ideas came to mind. One of the women who had been very quiet, and very worried, began to smile tentatively, then more broadly. “I know!” she said. “Here’s what I think we could do.” She surfaced an idea that got good support, and the group moved into action. As a result, $12,000 was raised to support a family in need.
The world isn’t a perfect place. Not everything goes the way we would like it to. But that’s no reason to be immobilized by fear. Take it from me, a recovering worrier. Gratitude opens the way to faith, goodness, and action. Try it this holiday season. Even if you’re not grateful. Especially if you’re not grateful.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 14, 2016
Yes, Donald Trump won the presidential election. No, not everyone is happy about that. Clinton won the popular vote while Trump won the electoral vote. Plenty of people are having to adjust their ideas of the next four years.
Like many people I was surprised, even discouraged, at the election results. My candidate didn’t win. The values I hold most dear are not well-represented in the president-elect. Yet, I still find reason to hope for a world that works for everyone. For me, it all started with this realization: The Kingdom of Heaven is (still) at hand.
Whether you are delighted or outraged with the results of the election, this is an important fact to hold true: the Kingdom of Heaven is (still) at hand. If you’re thinking that your ideal world cannot happen unless the right woman or man is in the White House then consider again the story of Jesus. He proclaimed the Kingdom of God right under the nose of Pontius Pilate and under the rule of Caesar. He proclaimed it not as something that was going to come, or going to be restored, but something that was at hand even then.
Jesus reminds us all—Republicans, Democrats, and Independents alike—that it’s not our leaders who ultimately create the kind of world we live in. They don’t have that kind of power. It’s up to us to say what kind of world we live, and to act accordingly.
Yes, Trump will soon have executive powers. But that no way impinges on our own inherent kingdom powers of dignity, self-regard, and co-creation with God. The power of the kingdom is already within us: it’s found at the depth of our being. It’s expressed through our thoughts, our feelings, beliefs and our actions. No one can take that away.
At the same time that we are each responsible for our ensuring own personal dignity and empowerment, that doesn’t mean we stop paying attention to the world at large. It’s imperative that we church leaders continue envisioning a just and inclusive society. It’s imperative that we church leaders continue to work for a world in which the needs of all are met. It’s imperative that we church leaders continue speaking up about what works and what doesn’t. Finally, it’s imperative that we back up our talk with action.
There’s been a dramatic uptick in hate crimes by some pro-Trump supporters since last Tuesday’s election. On the other hand, some anti-Trump protests have turned violent. Christian values of loving friends and enemies, forgiving those who have wronged us, offering radical hospitality and welcoming the stranger are more important than ever. Living the Gospel has never been more counter-cultural!
While violence against persons of color, religious minorities, and property should cause us to be vigilant, let’s not go overboard by assuming the worst in others. We have to keep our assumptions in check. We lead congregations full of both Republicans and Democrats and Independents. Regardless of our own political leanings, we cannot assume that everyone who voted for Donald Trump wants to deport immigrants, block Muslims from coming into the country, roll back civil rights, normalize preying on women, or insult and bully people at will. It’s simply not true. Sure, some share those views. More likely, however, most Trump supporters were drawn to one or more of his ideas about the economy, the government, or international relations. Or, they simply couldn’t see voting for the other party. Or the other party’s candidate.
On the other hand, we cannot assume that everyone who voted for Hillary Clinton is insensitive to concerns about the economy or security, supports rioters in the streets, is non-patriotic, or is somehow against everyone else.
Both sets of assumptions are false.
As church leaders we are called to bring people together to live into the Kingdom of Heaven. This is the time to lean into the calling. Not by pretending discord and disagreement aren’t happening. Or by simply reacting in fear. But by actively promoting all that we do stand for.
This is our time. This is our time to love all our neighbors, and all our enemies. This is our time to extend radical hospitality. This is our time to cast out demons, to turn fear into faith, and to cast a vision of a world that works for everyone. After all, the Kingdom of Heaven is (still) at hand. Let’s demonstrate it.
