No Christmas is Perfect and That’s Okay

No Christmas is Perfect and That’s Okay

It’s easy to view the Christmas story through rose-colored glasses: Joseph and Mary and Jesus, all cozy in the manger, surrounded by an adoring crowd. Wise men and shepherds, angels and a star.

It’s the stuff of Hollywood!

These picturesque scenes are emblazoned on Christmas cards the world over.

But the truth is no Christmas is perfect. Not even the original one.

And that’s okay.

The real Christmas story is filled with stress, anxiety, and uncertainty.

Mary was a young teenage girl expecting a child.

Joseph, her intended, wasn’t the biological father.

He had to decide whether or not to turn Mary and her baby away, or to accept the mother as his wife, and the child as his own.

All of this is the backdrop of Jesus’ birth into the world.

That’s enough to put anyone in therapy!

Yet, despite all the obstacles they faced—from Mary’s labor beginning while in Bethlehem to finding no room at even the most humble inn—Mary and Joseph’s story demonstrates that imperfection is part of life.

In fact, it’s the imperfections that make things so memorable.

If Mary and Joseph had found the light on at a Motel Six, staffed by a smiling innkeeper who offered them warm cookies and bottled water, we might not love or remember the story as much.

Today I want to share four steps to embracing imperfection during the holidays.

These four steps can reduce stress,  bring you closer to God, and make your Christmas celebrations even more meaningful.

 

Step 1: Embrace the Imperfection

The first step to embracing imperfection is recognizing that no Christmas is perfect.

Not the first Christmas.

And not the Christmas at your church or in your community this year.

Yes, it’s tempting to aim for a “perfect” Christmas experience for your church members.

But remember that perfection will generally be out of reach.

Instead, let your church focus on embracing imperfection by celebrating what makes each of your people unique.

This means accepting messiness and chaos.

Strangely enough, the more you accept the imperfect, the more you’ll be able to experience joy and peace as well.

I am not saying go out of your way to create mess or chaos.

Just don’t resist it if it comes.

Instead, watch for the good that can come from it.

God can do more with us when we’re willing to see disruptions as blessings rather than as burdens.

 

Step 2: Stay Adaptable

The more adaptable and fluid you are, the more God can work through your church and community.

Consider Mary and Joseph’s story.

Can you imagine being pregnant on the road and trying to find someplace that has room, let alone someplace that can facilitate the birth of a child?

Yet, despite having very few resources, these two were able to find a safe place for Mary to give birth.

Now think about the great things that have happened in your church in the last 10 years. Or even the last 2 years.

Most of these things were birthed by staying adaptable so you could realize your mission.

Think about how churches went from no online presence to full-on TV production in a matter of weeks.

Adaptability is God’s wheelhouse!

Jesus entering the world did not require massive funding, special line items in the budget, stage and light equipment, or a strategically placed physical campus.

If that’s the case for the Savior of the world, imagine what God can create when you stay adaptable…even on a shoestring budget.

 

Step 3: Surrender and Trust

The story of Mary and Joseph is also a reminder to surrender ourselves to God.

Even when it made no sense to either of them, both Mary and Joseph operated with surrender and trust.

Mary said yes to the angel’s message that announced Jesus’ conception.

Joseph said yes to Mary and her baby.

Both of them said yes to the trip to Bethlehem, and yes to the manger.

Even when times were uncertain, they trusted God’s leading.

The payoff is that this journey of trusting yesses led them to witness some of the most miraculous events in history.

In the same way, surrendering your expectations and plans in order to say yes to God can bring about miracles.

Even if surrender doesn’t make sense to you initially.

In fact, this idea of surrender has always been at the core of my ministry and work.

I have longed for people to embrace the dreams that God has for them.

This is why I wrote Dream Like Jesus.

I believe God has given us all extraordinary dreams, but too often, we are so caught up in our expectations that we forget to surrender it all to God and simply follow.

I believe that by surrendering and trust we too can experience miracles that bring meaning and joy to our lives.

This Christmas season, let us remember the excellent example set by Mary and Joseph—and embrace imperfection as part of life.

 

Step 4: Remember God’s Grace and Mercy

Finally, remember that God’s grace and mercy is what strengthens us to endure difficult times.

Christmas is a reminder of this—that no matter the obstacles we face, God is always with us, and God will guide us through.

Rather than becoming overwhelmed by the expectations of perfection this holiday season, remember that imperfection does not mean giving up—it means surrendering and trusting God.

Invite God into your holiday celebration and allow love to fill your heart with peace and joy.

By doing so, your church can foster an environment where differences are celebrated, imperfection brings blessing, adaptability is faster, and surrender makes way for miracles.

You are creating a welcoming place for once-a-year guests as well as year-round worshipers to find peace in a hectic world.

May your Christmas be filled with the peace of imperfection.

To discover more about how to co-create miracles with God, join the many leaders who are Creating a Culture of Renewal®.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com. All Rights Reserved.

When The Holidays Bring Out the Worst in You

When The Holidays Bring Out the Worst in You

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, peace, and family.

But what about when the holidays bring out the worst in you?

When you get frustrated, stressed, anxious? Even angry.

Then what?

It’s important to find new ways to manage your emotions more effectively.

And to help your people do the same.

In this blog, I’ll explore why the holidays can be so stressful and give you tips for managing the stress, all so that you can reclaim the spirit of the season.

 

Stress, Trauma & The Season

We all have experiences of the past that impact our lives in the present.

Loss, unresolved grief, broken relationships, financial strain, and loneliness can bring on overwhelm.

These feelings are heightened during the holiday season.

The thought of buying gifts when the budget is tight or loved ones are missing from the dinner table can create extra stress.

Being a church leader adds a whole new dimension to the equation.

There are two seasons of exceptional busyness for church leaders: Easter and Christmas /Advent.

In my conversation with pastors, it seems that the Christmas season is more conflictual in the local church.

Why?

Expectations go up dramatically starting at Thanksgiving and continue all the way through New Year’s.

Several special services, holiday get-togethers, family traditions, and more get added to the calendar in just a few short weeks.

Not only that, but the holidays can bring out unresolved issues from past relationships with family members.

Even if a relationship is generally healthy and robust, the holiday season can bring to light existing tensions and memories of past conflicts.

These familial traumas may be challenging to recognize, as they are often deeply woven throughout family history.

Here’s the point. Whatever the source of your stress, it is essential to be gentle with yourself.

 

Identify Your Triggers 

The first step in managing holiday stress is to identify your triggers. Notice what situations cause you to become overwhelmed or anxious.

Once you have identified your triggers, you can develop strategies for dealing with them effectively. For example, if large gatherings stress you out, find a smaller group to chat with.

You can also try scheduling smaller events, such as one-on-one conversations or group activities that involve fewer people.

If too much shopping brings out the worst in you, make a list, create a budget and stick to it.

Knowing what sets off your stress can help you anticipate potential issues and develop coping mechanisms before they arise.

 

Make Time for Self-Care 

It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays without leaving any time for yourself.

Taking care of yourself is essential to managing holiday stress.

Carve out some “me” time each day, whether it’s enjoying a relaxing bath, reading a book before bedtime, or taking a long walk with the dog.

Self-care is different for each of us, but one thing is true for all of us – if you are not making time for yourself during the season, you won’t be able to create space for others.

Nor will you experience the joy of the season.

 

Reach Out When You Need Help 

Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need help dealing with holiday stress.

Talking about your feelings openly can be difficult and provide a sense of relief and insight into potential solutions.

If this isn’t an option right now, consider writing down how you feel. Expressing yourself in writing can be just as therapeutic as talking one-on-one with another person.

 

Practical Wisdom

It is easy to get caught up in the high-tension moments.

Don’t say things that you won’t be able to take back after the holidays.

If you find yourself in conflict, objectively assess the situation by asking yourself what is at stake here. Try to diffuse the tension with understanding and grace.

It may help to remember the adage from Alcoholics Anonymous, “Think. Think. Think.” Before you act. Or even this one: “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

It is possible to mend the most broken of relationships during the holiday season, but it is also possible to break them in ways that will take years to heal. ​

 

Reclaim The Heart of The Holiday

Remember that the holidays are about spending quality time with family and friends, celebrating cherished traditions, giving back to those in need, and celebrating the idea that God became one of us.

Don’t forget to make time for the things that bring you joy and peace.

Go to worship, get lost in God’s love, and spread love and happiness to others.

Make time for gratitude, even in the hardest of moments. Celebrate what makes you and your family unique and special.

Holiday stress is unavoidable, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

By recognizing your triggers, making time for self-care, and reaching out when you need help, you can manage your stress levels and enjoy the holidays.

As long as you remain mindful of the practical wisdom available during this particular season, you will make the most of the holidays and usher in a new year with a peaceful heart.

To learn more about navigating conflictual situations during the holidays, check out my upcoming workshop, 3 Steps to Engage Conflict Productively. It will be a great way to start the new year.

Happy Holidays!

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com. All Rights Reserved.

The Secret Connection between Hanukkah, Advent, and Christmas

The Secret Connection between Hanukkah, Advent, and Christmas

Everywhere you turn, lights shine in the darkness, proclaiming that God’s eternal presence is with us. Homes, trees, and buildings are draped with colorful Christmas lights. Pink and purple advent candles beautify Christian sanctuaries. And for eight nights during this season, Jewish homes and spaces are also adorned with Hanukkah menorahs. (Toward the end of the month, persons of African descent will honor the principles of Kwanzaa with seven candles, too.)

While Hanukkah is a distinctly Jewish holiday, and Christmas is a distinctly Christian holiday, the two are actually more connected than you might think. In fact, in some ways, Hanukkah is actually the original Advent.

Let me explain.

 

The History of Hanukkah

Hanukkah, also known as the Feast of Dedication, commemorates the re-dedication of the Temple in Jerusalem after its utter desecration at the brutal hands of a tyrant named Antiochus Epiphanes. All this took place about 165 years before the birth of Christ. Although Hanukkah only gets a line or two in the New Testament, it plays a massive role in the birth of Jesus.

To explain that, we have to go back in history over three hundred years before the birth of Christ to Alexander the Great.  At that time, he ruled the ancient world around the Eastern Mediterranean.  After conquering the Persian Empire, Greek Culture or Hellenism spread like wildfire.  The Jews living in Israel quickly found themselves surrounded and almost swallowed up by it.

Hellenism was to the ancient world what Western culture is to the modern world.  Just as you can find a McDonald’s in just about every corner of the world, not to mention American pop music, blue jeans, TV re-runs, Western-style Christianity, and the English language, so in that day, you could find Greek culture, religion, and language permeating every other culture of the world.  It wasn’t all good.  Especially for those in the minority, like the Jews, it put their unique way of life at risk.

After Alexander died, his empire eventually fell into the hands of one Antiochus IV Epiphanes.  While Epiphanes means “face of God,” the Jews called him “Epimanes,” which means “crazy man.”  That’s precisely what he was.  Gregory Rommon calls him “the Adolf Hitler of the inter-testament period.” Like Hitler, he was obsessed with wiping out the Jewish people.  He began with the slaughter of Jerusalem’s inhabitants and the Temple’s desecration.

Alfred Edersheim explains what happened in his book, “The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah:”  “All sacrifices, the service of the Temple, and the observance of the Sabbath and feast days were prohibited; the Temple at Jerusalem was dedicated to Jupiter Olympus (a Greek god); the Torah was searched for and destroyed; the Jews forced to take part in heathen rites; in short, every insult was heaped on the religion of the Jews, and it’s every trace to be swept away.”  Antiochus was bent on genocide.

The final straw was the slaughter of a pig on the sacrificial altar in the Temple.  Definitely not kosher.  This occurred on the 25th of Kislev, the month that generally corresponds to December.

Well, this atrocity cut the Jewish people to the core.  The Temple was the center of Jewish life.  It was the icon of all that was holy and meaningful.  It was the place where God dwelled!  The Jewish people weren’t going to take this lying down.

And so a deliverer rose up whose name was Mattathias.  Outnumbered and overpowered, under his leadership, the Jewish people began a campaign of guerilla warfare against Antiochus and his Syrian armies to reclaim the Temple.

Mattathias died fighting, but his five sons carried on, one of whose name you might know:  Judah Maccabee (which means hammer).  He led the fighting till the Temple could finally be purified and its services restored.  Exactly three years after its desecration, the Temple was rededicated with the lighting of the Ner Tamid, the eternal light that burned to signify the presence of God.  It was on the 25th of  Kislev, about 165 years before the birth of Christ.

 

Hanukkah is an Advent Story

While Hanukkah has its own meaning, in some ways, it is actually an Advent story.  Without Hanukkah, there would be no Christmas.  If Antiochus had carried out his plan, there would have been no Mary, Joseph, or Jesus.  There would have been no Messiah of Israel, no Savior of the World.  And you and I would not be Christians today.

Jesus owed his life to Hanukkah.  In a sense, Christians owe their faith to it.  As the rhyme goes, “Roses are reddish; Violets are bluish; if it weren’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish!” But if it weren’t for Hanukkah, there’d be no Jews or Christians!

And so, amid this Advent Season, let us remember the minor Jewish holiday that makes the major Christian one possible.  Even though Hanukkah is mentioned once in the New Testament, it’s an important backdrop to one of his most profound statements.  It was on the Feast of Dedication that Jesus said:  “The Father and I are one.”  That statement of unity changed the world.

 

Unity for Today

Today, we’re still seeking to create a world of unity.  In the chaos and division that we see all around us, God calls us to stand up for one another in love and grace so that the light of Christ might be seen.  A love that binds together what is divided; a hope that can move mountains of despair, a faith that can overcome any obstacle.  This is the miracle of Hanukkah and the promise of Christmas.

In a time when anti-Semitism and many other -isms are on the rise, Hanukkah reminds us that we must stand together against all forms of injustice, violence, and hate. It tells us that no matter what, we must allow others the freedom and dignity to worship God in their own way, too.

And so this Advent, as Christmas approaches and Hanukkah comes, may we remember the message of unity it brings us. May we take every opportunity to honor one another’s differences and celebrate our common humanity. And may God grant us the ability to be light in a world of darkness.

Differences aren’t bad or evil. And they needn’t lead to chaos or division. Instead, differences can bring joy and strength. Join me for 3 Steps to Engage Conflict Productively to learn how you can be part of the solution.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com. All Rights Reserved.

The Role of the Church in Gun Violence

The Role of the Church in Gun Violence

In 1999, I was co-pastoring a church in Parker, Colorado when the Columbine shooting happened in the community next door. At that time, school shootings were relatively infrequent. It was wholly unbelievable that it had happened in our community. Even more unthinkable was that it would be the beginning of a decades-long battle, where these kinds of events became increasingly frequent.

The church was flooded with broken-hearted people who wanted to know why such a tragic event had taken place. We led a series of healing services in an attempt to deal with this devastating reality.

Pictures of the victims were in every newspaper and on every broadcast. I aimed to remember the name and story of each student and teacher who had been killed. I never thought I’d see the day where non-stop shootings made it impossible to remember all who have been lost. And now, here we are.

After the recent mass shooting at a Tulsa, OK medical clinic I texted my clergy colleague, James, who pastors in that community and asked what I could do to help. James replied with such a clear and powerful response that I promised to take action. I invite you to do so as well. But first, let me give you some background.

 

The Intensifying Problem of Gun Violence

In the last 3 months alone, there have been mass shootings at a Taiwanese church (Laguna Woods, California), a grocery store in a primarily black neighborhood (Buffalo, New York), an elementary school (Uvalde, Texas), and a medical center (Tulsa, Oklahoma). Sadly, this list is not comprehensive. These are just the stories that have made the national news.

Gun violence is at a higher rate than ever, even with stay-at-home orders being imposed for the greater part of 2020. According to the Pew Research Center, “The 2020 total [number of gun murders] represented a 34% increase from the year before, a 49% increase over five years and a 75% increase over 10 years.”

Yet, our methods of coping have not kept pace with the rise in gun violence. The pandemic badly disrupted our normal means of belonging, further worsening the situation. The government is often at a standstill on this matter. Churches struggling with dwindling attendance often feel overwhelmed with the idea of taking on potentially divisive issues. Thus we are left in a reactive mode when it comes to gun violence.

 

The Myth Behind Mass Shootings

With this background in mind, let me next dispel a common myth. That is, that there is only one kind of mass shooting and one kind of answer. But we can already see that schools, stores, medical clinics, and churches represent a range of public spaces. Add to that nightclubs, festivals, synagogues, mosques, homes, and places of work, and the list of where gun violence takes place goes on and on.

When it comes to fixing the problem—answers range there as well. Should we find help for the single, young, disturbed white male with poor mental health? Should we be concerned about the radical White supremacists that have infiltrated every corner of the internet and are spreading prejudice and intolerance to anyone who will listen? Should we get better gun policies?  Should we promote better school safety? Your answer may depend on your political leanings, or simply on your knowledge of the situation. Yet as much as we know, we seem to have taken action on precious little.

 

The Church’s Role in Gun Violence

James reminded me that the church does have a positive role to play in gun violence. One that goes beyond comforting victims and actually gets to root causes. “Prayers are appreciated, but the best thing we can do is to put pressure on politicians to get real about addressing the root problems. Mental health, common sense gun policies, the pervasive culture of hate and violence, and the deflection of responsibility. As a clergy leader, I am preaching, leading, and encouraging members of my community to take action.”

I love this list because it’s not either/or. It’s not us vs. them. And, it’s not beyond our reach. After all, our baptismal vows call us to resist evil, injustice, and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves, and to be a witness for the gospel of good.

 

Next Steps

As part of my commitment to take action, I’ll be addressing each of these components in turn through the lens of the church. As we continue to heal ourselves, our congregations, and our communities, I’d like to offer some suggestions for next steps you can take today or in the coming week:

  • Create space for conversation in your ministry setting. Gun violence impacts everybody, and everybody is concerned, no matter what their answers are for how to deal with it.
  • Plan to preach a series on these topics.
  • Tune into my upcoming Leadership Mojo broadcasts on Facebook Live, where I’ll discuss these topics with some special guests.
  • Join me for the next three blogs in this series for a more in-depth look into the four components that need to be addressed to impact gun violence.

I want to leave you with the following thought, which was published in a recent editorial featured in Intermountain Jewish News:

“There is no single answer to mass shootings. But there are answers. There is an all hands on deck approach. There is: both/and. Yes to better gun laws (as we have urged repeatedly). And, yes to additional mental health services (as we have also urged repeatedly). And, yes to federal standards of safety for schools (and, yes to Democrats and Republicans working together on this). And, yes to a painful process of national introspection on the decline in our personal mores and on the social media obsession that leaves so many isolated. And, yes to anti-bullying efforts… We owe it to [our children] ‘to do something.’ But, in our simplistic world ‘to do something’ has come to mean, ‘to find the solution.’ Which has also come to mean: to reject an opponent’s solution. Which means: do nothing.”

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

How Do We Do More with Less? A Post-Pandemic Answer

How Do We Do More with Less? A Post-Pandemic Answer

Over the past month, I’ve written a series of blogs addressing the three post-pandemic questions every church leader wants answered. The first two questions I explored were “When do things go back to normal?” and “How do we get people (back) to church?” This week I am diving into the third persistent question: “How do we do more with less?” By answering this question, you will be encouraged to see things in a new light and take your next steps. Although the pandemic took much from us, it also has given us potent opportunities to forge a new path and embrace the next normal.

 

The Problem

The question of how to do more with less worried churches even before the pandemic. Your church may have already been struggling or fighting against declining numbers. As you know, the shutdowns exacerbated this trend. Whether it be less money, less togetherness, or less resources, nearly every church leader I spoke with revealed that they were having to make do with less and the answer was nowhere in sight.

 

Avoid the Pitfall of Hopelessness

If you can relate to being stretched thin in ministry, you might be tempted to feel hopeless. However, take heart. While much was lost in the pandemic, much was also gained. Amidst all the losses, congregations were actually gaining in their ability to adapt to unexpected situations, incorporate new technology, and find creative ways of connecting and being together. In some ways, we grasped Christian hope more tightly than before.

For the last two years, the Creating a Culture of Renewal® community of church leaders has generously shared with me how they were both struggling and thriving in the midst of the pandemic. They struggled because they’d never been through a pandemic, but they also thrived because of the resources and support we offer. Their experiences gave me fresh insight, which I share in my new book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World.

While researching the book, I found that we are not the first Christians to wrestle with the question of how to do more with less. Those that went through the bubonic plague evolved technologically to cover the gaps left by the plague.

 

Tech Helps You Do More with Less

Just as we use Zoom and other online technologies to maximize our effort at connecting, so medieval society developed their own tech advances.

From the refinement of the printing press, to the mass production of books, to the rapid spread of information, to the active collaboration of a wide range of voices in science and the arts – all of this got its start during the bubonic plague.

After the bubonic plague was finally over (it last for three centuries), medieval society did not look back and say, “Thank goodness we can be done with books now and advances in the arts and sciences.” Rather, people who had a book in their hand for the first time looked forward to the future. They felt excitement and wonder as affordable books came into being.

Just as we have integrated technology into the life of the church – for meetings, Bible study, worship, and even communion – now is not the time to abandon those options. Technology has helped us do more with less. Even folks who don’t like to drive at night have an opportunity to be involved. Families with a sick child can attend worship and comfort their child at the same time. Adopting new technology has forever changed our expectations about what’s possible. As this pandemic ends, I doubt we will say, “Thank goodness! Now we don’t have to meet online anymore. We’ll happily drive two hours for a one-hour meeting.”

Like books expanded the reach of knowledge post-plague, online offerings erase distance, connect communities, and give instant access to new people and places post pandemic. Digital technology is the new reformation. The question is, now that you’re there, how will you stay and continue to adapt?

 

Online Is Here to Stay

Once people have online options, they treasure them. Online worship means your people can participate while traveling, indisposed, sick, or pressed for time. Don’t give any of that up, even though face-to-face worship is once again available. In this way, you can continue to maintain and even expand your reach and mission. Online options also help you extend your shelf life. Unlike starting an additional worship service, which depends on a certain number of people in attendance to be considered viable, online worship lives in a different time frame. It can be experienced hours or months later and still be fresh.

As with any new technology, people and institutions adopt them at different rates. As Rev. Sarah Payne, a Creating a Culture of Renewal® participant, pointed out: “You can’t master technology because it’s always changing.”

However, staying on the journey of adopting technology is essential. Your congregation is important to your community. Your message is more relevant than ever before. Embracing technology, without breaking the bank or overloading your people, is important. With the whole world moving online, your church needn’t be left behind.

 

Your Next Steps for Doing More with Less

Consider these words from Upper Room’s master innovator Terrell L McTyer, “The cousin of relevance is audience.” Keep your audience in mind as you choose which technologies to incorporate.

  1. Select ones that will be relevant and accessible for your particular congregation and community.
  2. When it comes to smaller or older congregations, avoid the mistake of doing too much too fast. Smaller and older churches tend to be late adopters. They won’t be the first on the technology bandwagon, but they needn’t be the last. If you do too much too fast, you’ll hit a wall of resistance. Instead, start with what is most needed and go from there.
  3. To draw young people to your congregation, focus on building your social media. Check out Facebook reels, YouTube, and TikTok videos to see what kind of content and format grabs the attention of young people.
  4. Understand the theology of technology. Technology has expanded our sense of incarnation. In much the same way that God stretched from the invisible to the visible through Christ, we are extending beyond the tangible into the intangible through digital connections.

If you’re still questioning how your congregation can do more with less, or how to incorporate technology into your setting, join me for my July workshop, How to Do More with Less, so that you can spend time in community finding the answers that work for you.

 

Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah’s new bookForging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World (2022).

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

How Do We Get People (Back) to Church? A Post-Pandemic Answer

How Do We Get People (Back) to Church? A Post-Pandemic Answer

How do we get people back to church – or even get them there for the first time? This is the second of the top three questions most on people’s minds post-pandemic. Worshiping together is the heart of the church. Empty pews are a tough reality to face now that the world has opened up again.

“How do you get people back to church?” isn’t a new question, though. It’s one we’ve been asking for years. The truth is that people have been leaving church for a long time.

This week’s blog is part three of a four-part series that sheds light on the top three questions church leaders are asking in a post-pandemic world.

 

Why Aren’t People Coming Back to Church?

As I’ve discovered while researching Forging a New Path, according to many studies, religious affiliation has waned in the decades since the Third Great Awakening of the 1950s. Church attendance has dropped year by year since 1960, with the most dramatic declines in the last ten years. While church attendance regularly fluctuates based on societal changes, studies indicate that beginning in 2000, the decline was twice as great as it was between 1960 and 1970, marking this period as the Great Decline.

 

Tips for Building True Community that Bring People Back to Church

Even as people leave church, they are still hungry for community. What if we could create strong, spirited community at church? Here are four strategies for building the kind of spiritual community that makes people want to stay.

Before you start, though, let me dispel one myth. You may think you have to do things on your own. You don’t. In fact, you can’t.

Remember that no one person can do this work alone. As the church comes together to create spiritual connections, approach community-building as Creating a Culture of Renewal® participant Rev. Heather Bailes Baker learned to do. At first, Heather went about her work in the church, fearing she was burdening others when asking them to help or lead ministries. This fear left her shouldering too many responsibilities for rebuilding and growing the church. As she learned to delegate responsibilities to others, she saw a new way to approach the work ahead, referring to it as “our” work, not simply her work as the clergy. Building community is always “our” work.

 

1.     Start Small Groups

Small groups have always been at the heart of the church. Jesus conducted the first small groups as he called disciples and then sent them out as apostles. His small group lasted a mere three years, but all of his students became teachers of new classes after he died and was resurrected.

Many churches are creatively reinvigorating their outreach by crafting “fresh expressions” of faith, including initiatives like Pub Theology or Bibles and Beer. Instead of insisting that new people come to the church building to worship with them, church folks meet people at bars, pubs, coffee shops, laundromats, and restaurants to engage in faith discussion with them. Sometimes informal settings outside the church encourage greater self-revelation and create an easier way to get to know each other.

 

2.     Keep it Short and Sweet

Spend time together but keep your offerings short and sweet. People’s attention spans have shortened, and their lives have gotten busier. Instead of a year-long Bible study, offer a four-to-six-week study. Instead of a ninety-minute learning session, try forty-five-minutes instead.

Instead of a three-day retreat, invite others to a three-hour retreat. The point is to build togetherness with the time that people have. Many touches with the same people over time will build a more enduring community than one long experience never to be replicated.

 

3.     Mix Social and Spiritual

Intentionally combine the social and the spiritual to create stronger community. Often small groups are organized around spiritual material, and the social part gets added in. But I want to encourage you to think about having groups based on social activities that add in the spiritual. For instance, gather a group that enjoys going to the movies, with a meal before or after the film.

Discuss religious or spiritual themes in the movie, letting the movie prompt discussion about your own lives. End your time together by praying for one another.

 

4.     Start with an Existing Community

Another Creating a Culture of Renewal® member, Pastor RJ Davis, noted that the congregation he serves was founded out of a housing development. These neighbors already had strong relationships and realized they wanted to be able to worship together, so they contacted denominational authorities and asked for a church to be planted there. True to their community nature, this congregation is all about doing life together. “People go to dinner together, take vacations together, and celebrate their kids’ birthdays together,” RJ notes. Others want to be part of this level of community, and it’s brought new people to the church. Their vision is to “Bring intentional community back to the neighborhood.” What already existing community can you build upon to create spiritual community?

 

How the Power of Being Social Gets People Back to Church

I admit, “being social” sometimes gets a bad name in the church. Inward-focused church communities may be dismissed as little more than social clubs. Churches that focus less on being of service in the community than on hosting potlucks, socials, and meals for each other, can be seen as selfish or not really a church. In fact, I used to share that critical view: these weren’t churches as much as they were social clubs.

But the pandemic has changed my mind. I now believe that the church, in addition to being spiritually focused and service-oriented, needs to be a lot more socially minded. Here’s my thinking. Social connections create a sense of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to emotional and relational stability and provides an ingredient essential to the formation of spiritual community: trust. Trust is built by the hard work of honesty, vulnerability, celebration, and accountability. In addition to trust, belonging and stability are the blessed results of living in true community.

Ironically, I think there’s a connection between the disconnect people feel in society and their  disconnect from each other. Even before the pandemic, America was experiencing a crisis of connection, of belonging. Interestingly enough, according to a study of American life, this crisis of belonging isn’t limited to a specific demographic or generation. The study shows that people of all demographics – including both Democrats and Republicans as well as the young and the elderly – experience a lack of connection with others. The shutdowns fueled the rise of mental health issues by forcing us apart even more than we already were. Longing to belong is as basic to human makeup as spirituality. In fact, satisfying the longing to belong is fundamental to creating a spiritual community.

Now that you have these four strategies, it’s time to put them into practice! This can be trial and error, so don’t give up too soon. I’m always interested in helping people forge a new path, so let me know what you discover.

 

Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah’s new bookForging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World (2022).

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