The Peace that Surpasses all Misunderstanding

The Peace that Surpasses all Misunderstanding

by | Aug 9, 2022

Science has confirmed what scripture points to – there is a peace that surpasses all understanding. This peace, researchers have found, emanates from deep within the human heart. It is both measurable and reproducible.

I suppose that’s not too surprising. The Biblical traditions equate the heart with feelings like love, peace, and joy.

Here’s what is surprising: this peace has the capacity to surpass all misunderstanding, too.

 

Contagious Emotions

You know how being around angry or nasty people can put you in a bad mood? And how laughter is infectious? Or how a smile can travel from one person to another?

Turns out that’s not just coincidence. It’s the heart’s own emotional intelligence.

Research has shown that emotions emit an energetic wavelength. When our hearts radiate emotions with higher wavelengths – such as appreciation, kindness, compassion, positive regard, joy, delight, and love and peace – we generate more of that into the world. When we radiate emotions with lower wavelengths – judgment, fear, worry, mistrust, suspicion, anger, hate and revenge – we literally create more of that in the world. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Now here’s the cool part: these electromagnetic waves have the capacity to influence others, and to draw them in.  Just as sunlight is made up of waves of energy which travels through air, turning night to day and warming cold bones – our emotions influence the people around us.

Depending on the feeling we radiate, we can intentionally invite other hearts into either a state of peaceful coherence or a state of jagged non-coherence.

So, what does all this have to do with church?

 

3 Ways You Can Surpass Misunderstanding

First, as a spiritual leader, it is important to make sure your heart is aligned with the energies of peace. The more spiritually grounded and coherent the leader’s heart is – that is, aligned with the peace that passes all understanding – the greater your capacity to radiate that peace to the people and situations around you. You can make a measurable difference.

Second, as your congregation gathers to pray, remember to expand your corporate focus beyond the immediate prayer concerns of your people. Intentionally radiate peace that passes understanding out into the world. This is important on the days that our world reverberates with misunderstanding – outrage, upset, and random acts of violence. Your congregation’s concentrated focus on heart-based prayer can make a measurable difference on a global scale.

Third, teach your people how to stay grounded in prayerful appreciation of all the good in the world. This appreciative stance increases heart-based coherence at every level of society. Notice what is right with the world. Focus on the divine signs and wonders around you. Highlight miracles.

 

Next Steps

In this way, you partner with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to co-create the highest energies of peace, love, and appreciation in the world. Surprisingly, this is an approach that surpasses all misunderstandings in the world.

If personal peace is hard to come by, consider joining me for my upcoming workshop, Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times. Using a personalized Everything DiSC® Workplace profile, we’ll discover how you can bring out the best in people who frustrate you most as well as enhance your leadership skills to defuse tension and misunderstanding. Your registration includes a copy of my new book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

The Genius of Slow Change

The Genius of Slow Change

by | Aug 2, 2022

I had a vision to beautify the barren property that surrounded the church I served. It was an engaging vision that garnered lots of buy-in. Trees and fencing were donated. A spring Saturday was set for planting the trees. Folks were excited! Lots of trees got planted that day. Sadly, almost none of them survived.

For years, their brown boughs served as a living, or rather dead, reminder of that failed vision. In fact, the property looked even more barren with dead trees dotting it than it had before.

What was the culprit here? Blight, bad weather and critters are all good guesses. But the truth is simpler and harsher than that.

When it came to planting trees, we had several things going for us: vision, alignment and even people willing to execute the vision. But there was also an unnamed saboteur in our midst: lack of planning. We sabotaged the vision by failing to think through what should happen next. Like watering and follow up care. Even more so, we sabotaged the vision by failing to engage people who would have noticed the lack of a plan.

Personally, I was quite comfortable shooting from the hip, making stuff up as I went along. I didn’t need a thought-out plan. But those poor trees did! I wish I could say the great tree planting caper was the only example of aborted vision, wasted energy and squandered good will in my tenure there. But it wasn’t. As an idea-generator with lots of energy, I had all kinds of great ideas. And the persuasiveness to get others on board. What I lacked was awareness that each of my ideas needed a thorough plan to succeed. Bottom line: I had failed to plan and planned to fail.

If you’re a regular reader you know that I have a bias toward risk-taking, adventure, and boldness for church leaders. I’m all about visionary change. So this next thought may come as a surprise. Here it is: There’s genius in putting on the brakes and slowing down the pace of change. Yup, you heard it here.

Slowing down the pace of change allows a plan to emerge. It also allows structures to be created which ensure the change is sustainable. Developing a structure requires putting the brakes on and thinking things through. All the way through. Including who is going to buy the water hose.

I now know the best way to plan is to begin with the end in mind. Then provide a framework that allows you to get there step by step. With all the i’s dotted and all the t’s crossed. It’s detail time, folks.

You want gorgeous, healthy trees that thrive in the high desert plains for years to come? You want flowers and bushes and color that vivify brown prairie grasses and silver-green sage brush? That all takes planning! Likewise, you want an outreach ministry that makes a real difference in the lives of street people or the underemployed? Or a prayer ministry that will impact each and every person in your zip code? How about a community garden that will nourish the elderly? All that takes planning. Start with the end in mind and work your way backwards.

Our churches are full of people who excel at thinking things through. They’re the ones that usually like to put the brakes on anyway and consider all the angles. They value harmony, stability, and well-thought through change. If that’s you, please stand and take a bow! This is where your genius shines. By tapping into your ability to think systematically, supply details, include the right people, ask the right questions, and challenge flawed thinking, you can enable changes to take hold and take root. You can ensure that change is sustainable.

Of course, there’s still a place for your faster-paced, more adventurous fellows, too. In fact, you need them to keep the momentum going, so you don’t get bogged down or stopped. The truth is that you need each other.

Here are eight tips for making sustainable change while keeping forward momentum going:

Get input from the visionaries as well as the analyzers. Make sure to include the very people who will be implementing the vision. Engage them with both voice and a vote to create strong buy in. And a greater likelihood of seamless implementation.

Have regular meetings. But don’t space them too far apart! Otherwise, you’ll lose momentum. The more often you meet, in fact, the shorter each meeting can be. And the more focused. Monthly or quarterly meetings are the graveyard of too many worthy visions. At the same time, give yourselves enough time to make a good plan, and to think through what needs to be done.

Together, anticipate cause and effect, plan for contingencies, think through what could go wrong, and wherever possible eliminate risk.

Plan for things going better than expected. With God in the mix, lots of things go well and right! Consider new opportunities that could arise from your vision being implemented. Includes plans to jump on those opportunities so you can keep the momentum going.

Let your plans be vigorous, focused, and move things forward. Then take the foot off the brakes. You can’t know everything before you finally say “go.” But your plans will help you deal with what you encounter along the way precisely because you will have thought through what could go right and what could go wrong. Develop your faith by trusting God and trusting your fellows, even if you don’t feel 100% ready yet.

Once you have a plan, remember to stay in communication! Consistent and timely communications keep planning on track and allows for real-time analysis. It also helps people feel part of things.

Embrace your adversaries. Both the ability to craft a vision and to carefully implement it are gifts from God. But most people have one or the other, not both. Learning how to work well together is key.

Have fun! Feel the joy of doing things well and creating a sustainable culture shift. Surprise people by excelling at making good, enduring change. Revel in the fact that the Kingdom is at hand.

I’d love to hear about your failed visions. And your successful changes. Both are inspiring. Because we learn from failure and success.

Not sure how to bring all this together? Check out Creating a Culture of Renewal®. It’s a step-by-step process that shows you how to bring out the best in the people who frustrate you the most. All while empowering you and your church to dream and lead like Jesus.

 

Originally posted April 25, 2016

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

Clear Skies, Clear Minds

Clear Skies, Clear Minds

by | Jul 26, 2022

If you’ve spent much time in the Rockies, you know that this time of year is truly the golden hour. Long, hot days followed by warm, starry nights. The rich, yet fleeting summers in Wyoming are wonderfully delicious, but woefully ephemeral. With so much to do and so little time, the summer months usually fly by before I even realize they’re fading. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in work and responsibility that we forget to make time to take advantage of these short-lived luxuries. To get outside and let clear skies clear our minds.

 

Sunrise Spirituality

This summer, I made a commitment to begin each day with a morning hike on the mountain or walk along the river in my small community of Casper, Wyoming. Always accompanied by my dog, Beau, and often by my husband, Jerry, this morning ritual has become a time of true spirituality for me.

But this wasn’t my intention when I made my initial commitment to take these daily walks. It was more about staying healthy, getting my steps in, and getting Beau some exercise. At first, I had to drag myself out the door, often convincing myself just to lace up my shoes before I was awake enough to give myself a chance to change my mind to squeeze in an hour of email instead.  

As the days progressed and my new habit set in, I began to relish this time. It became less about the routine, and more about embracing the opportunity to cultivate a deeper spiritual relationship with God.

 

Building Spiritual Habits

Whether it be the gratitude ping-pong Jerry and I play as we walk, the time I’m able to spend talking with my aging parents, or quiet time taking in the natural beauty I’m surrounded by, I’ve not yet had a morning outing where I didn’t feel an immediate deeper connection with God.

Often this connection feels more profound than what I’ve recently experienced during Sundays in church, where we’d expect to find it. There is something about taking time to mindfully meditate and allow ourselves to just BE.

 

Cultivate Your Spirituality

Are you ready to cultive your spiritual connection through nature? Here are three things to kep in mind.

  1. Start small

You don’t have to climb a mountain or trek a certain distance to benefit from being outside, or disconnecting from indoor routines. I’ve found that sometimes walking without a destination in mind helps me be ok with not always having a plan.

  1. Be present

Focus on being in the moment. Your mind might tend toward rehashing old frustrations or worrying about the work you need to do. Just notice what your mind is doing and bring your attention back to where your feet are. Take in your surroundings, your feelings, and cut yourself some slack.

  1. Make time

It will always feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. There is always more work to be completed, more emails to be sent, and more planning to be done.  I believe that allowing yourself these moments, though, will be undeniably worth it.

As I look back over the years, I realize that slipping back into too much roof and not enough sky is a common refrain for me. I wonder how I get out of the habit of granting myself these uninterrupted moments. I suppose that it can feel somewhat selfish, taking time away from my desk or my computer. But this summer, I’ve found that these “selfish” moments are where the real work gets done. Where I am able to open myself to the opportunity to talk directly with God, embrace my spirituality, and reflect on what I want out of each day. I give thanks for this time of renewal. In Creating a Culture of Renewal®, we emphasize that renewal begins within. Don’t I know it!  I hope you’ll give yourself the gift of renewal by taking unhurried time with God in nature.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

The Indispensable Power of Emotional Intelligence

The Indispensable Power of Emotional Intelligence

by | Jul 19, 2022

In today’s world, it has become too easy to be so one-sided that anyone who disagrees with you must be wrong. It seems as if every issue is black and white. There is no room for discussion or questioning. No room for learning about another’s point of view. This mindset is not only detrimental; it’s toxic. In today’s blog, I want to share with you the indispensable power of emotional intelligence, and how it can allow you to build deeper relationships and become a better leader.

 

The Myth About Conflict

Before we get into the components of emotional intelligence, I want to highlight one important misunderstanding. That is, that conflict is inherently negative, or a means for disagreement. By learning how to engage productively in conflict, we open the door for a deeper understanding of how others see the world and allow for richer relationships to develop.

 

The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence includes five components – self-awareness, motivation, empathy, social skill, and self-regulation. Becoming familiar with each will help you not only better understand those around you, but will also help you develop your leadership skills. Below are five simple ways you can incorporate them into your everyday relations.

 

Self-awareness – getting to know yourself at a deeper level. Be aware of your tendencies, tiredness, and need for time-away. Staying tuned in to these three T’s will give you a greater ability to self-regulate and practice empathy.

Motivation – what motivates you, what makes you tick. People along theological and political spectrums want similar things: safety, love, and to live life according to their prized values. We hold common motivations, but what differs is how we believe we will achieve them. Understanding these motivations allows leaders to practice empathy amid chaos.

Empathy – walking in the shoes of another, or deep understanding of what another is going through. I once read on a tea bag: “Be kind. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.” Even as rain falls on the just and unjust, the negativity in our common airwaves affects people indiscriminately. This makes empathy more important than ever. As a leader, you model empathy with people and ask them to practice empathy with others.

Social skill – being able to rally a group to move together in one direction. The most important skill, and responsibility, that you have as a leader is to practice social skills. This has little to do with small talk and more to do with moving people in the same direction. This is leadership that unifies people, a rare commodity these days. Given the divided nature of life, you might not unite people around theology or politics. Instead, tap into common values: the Gospel, the love of God, and the Kingdom of heaven. Bring people back to the vision that Jesus laid out: Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is heaven.

Self-regulation – Self-regulation is choosing how you respond in situations. When you feel your hackles rise, or the perfect retort forming on your tongue, take a moment to breathe. Instead of cutting someone else off, a good way to defuse the moment is to say: “Tell me more.” Listening can help another person re-regulate. Chances are they need to blow off steam, too.

 

You Are Not Alone

I want to remind you that you are not alone. Isolation is the enemy of love so don’t try to go it alone. Personally, my mission is to empower church leaders and the congregations they serve. I invite you to tap into the resources my team and I offer by joining a Creating a Culture of Renewal® cohort! In my three-year group coaching program, you will discover who you are leading, how you are leading, and where you are leading, all while bringing renewal to your congregation and community. New cohorts begin meeting this fall.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

Keeping Safe Places Safe: The Church and Gun Policies

Keeping Safe Places Safe: The Church and Gun Policies

by | Jul 12, 2022

Keeping Safe Places Safe: The Church and Gun Policies

Keeping safe places safe is of growing concern as the number of mass shootings continues to rise. I believe the church has a role to play in creating effective gun policies. While churches are meant to be havens of safety, even they are no longer immune to gun violence. It’s time for the church to take a more hands on approach to reducing gun violence. I’m going to name four ways you can do that. I’ll also share additional resources you can use to spark greater discussion.

First, let’s address one myth.

 

The Myth that Mental Health is a Clear Indicator of Gun Violence

By now, we’re all far too familiar with the aftermath of gun violence. We delve into the shooter’s background, finding every detail we can about their mental health, and analyze it deeply. While this is necessary for us to be able to learn from these events, I think it’s important to distinguish that not everyone who is dealing with poor mental health is dangerous. Clearly people who perpetrate this sort of gun violence are not well, but that is not necessarily the same as being mentally ill. The truth is that people with mental health issues are more likely to have violence perpetrated against them, than for them to perpetrate against others.

As the church, we can benefit our communities by advocating for increased access to mental health services. But will that solve the problem of proliferating gun violence?

 

Coupling

In the book Talking to Strangers, Malcolm Gladwell writes about coupling theory. Coupling is the notion that certain behaviors are linked or coupled to specific contexts. For instance, suicide is positively correlated with the existence of the Golden Gate Bridge. In other words, people jump because the bridge is there. This is contrary to the assumption that if people want to kill themselves, they will find a way to do it, even if jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge is made much less accessible.

Similarly, access to handguns is shown to increase the incidence of suicide.

Might the same be true of AR-57s, AK-47s, and other military-grade weapons that are often used in mass shootings?

Just as suicide rates decline as certain environmental factors are made inaccessible, it’s reasonable to hypothesize that gun-related homicide rates could also decline if access to military-grade weapons was more regulated. This needs to be studied and discussed calmly and carefully.

But there is more that the church can do to keep safe places safe.

 

The Church and Gun Policies

Just as churches offer seminars on lifestyle topics such as parenting, finances, and end of life decisions, why not add safe gun ownership to the list? Consider offering a seminar, led by local gun safety specialists, that is open to the public. Here are some of the potential issues that could be addressed.

 

Gun Policies in the Home

Cover best practices for firearm owners including safe storage. Best practices include storing guns unloaded and using separate safes to store guns and ammunition. In homes with children or other high-risk individuals, it’s sometimes best to store guns and ammunition at a location away from the home. Educating the gun-owning public is a way that churches can reinforce the idea of keeping safe places safe.

 

Gun Policies in the Community

Churches can educate their people about how to create safer neighborhoods. Organizations such as Project Safe Neighborhoods “identify the most pressing violent crime problems in a community and develop comprehensive solutions to address them.” Partnering with organizations like this that care about the common good help to keep safe places safe. And to help turn unsafe places into safer places.

 

Gun Policies in the Nation

Churches have the right and the responsibility to help educate their community in ethical matters of peace and justice. And to do it in a way that is both civil and respectful. Churches can offer nonpartisan seminars on the issues that impact the community and beyond and how to address them. When churches lead the way in addressing ethical issues for the common good, it encourages others to do so as well. Stay engaged with what is happening at the state and national levels. Speak up when you do or do not agree with what you’re seeing. What you say and do matters. Lastly, thank your legislators for passing this recent bipartisan bill aimed at reducing gun violence, which is a step in the right direction.

 

Gun Policies in the Church

Finally, turn your attention to your own congregation. Discuss the pros and cons of having a designated safety team in your congregation. Appointing clearly defined individuals who know what to do in a chaotic situation can help keep everyone safer.

 

Next Steps

I give thanks for my friend and colleague, James–Pastor in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where a recent mass shooting took place–who said: “Prayers are appreciated, but the best thing we can do is to put pressure on politicians to get real about addressing the root problems. Mental health, common sense gun policies, the pervasive culture of hate and violence, and the deflection of responsibility. As a clergy leader, I am preaching, leading, and encouraging members of my community to take action.” James and I spoke at length about this when he joined me for a livestreamed session of Leadership Mojo.

Listening to James, I introduced this series on the role of the church in gun violence, I have addressed the deflection of responsibility, disarming the culture of hate and violence, and the role of the church in creating solutions to gun violence. Now is the time to begin creating a culture of safety and responsibility by using your voice to promote peace and safety.

Let’s do our part, and draw strength from the scriptures: “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” -Galatians 6:9

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

Disarming the Culture of Hate and Violence

Disarming the Culture of Hate and Violence

by | Jul 5, 2022

Add parades to the list of once safe spaces that gun violence has now punctured. As July 4 celebrations took place across the nation, a shooter killed six people and injured at least thirty more in a wealthy suburb outside Chicago at a holiday parade. Why so much gun violence in our nation? Many factors contribute to gun violence including the deflection of personal responsibility, untreated mental health issues, lax gun policies, and easy access to firearms. Add to the list one more critical factor that requires disarming: the culture of hate and violence. In this blog, I am going to share with you specific ways that the church in particular is overcoming this toxic culture, and what positive things you can do in your particular setting.

 

Our Culture of Hate and Violence

I do believe that the church can play a positive role in reducing gun violence. Yet we have to understand the problem that we are up against. As I write in Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World:

We are living in a time of deep political, economic, religious, social, racial, and generational polarization. This polarization is undergirded by what Arthur Brooks calls the “culture of contempt.” In the culture of contempt, differences are framed as fatal which deepens distrust of the other and encourages a gleeful sense of superiority over others. Most of all, this culture of contempt fuels an ever-ready sense of outrage, draining us before we even get to the issues that ought to cause real outrage: human trafficking, homelessness, hunger, poverty, and hierarchies based on color, money, or privilege.

This culture is pervasive.

The Myth that the Church is Immune to Hate and Violence

While it’s easy to see polarization “out there” in society, please don’t fall prey to the myth that it’s only “out there.” Whatever is going on in the echo chambers of social media, or toxic pseudo-news casts, or video games makes its way into the church. So we have to deal with the imported culture of contempt. But churches also need to look to see if they are responsible in some way for fanning the flames of contempt. If we use the Bible or the love of God as a  weapon against each other then we are contributing to the problem. If we sow mistrust of each other we are part of the problem. It’s important to preach in a way that builds up others, rather than tears them down.

 

Disarming the Culture of Hate and Violence

It is possible for people to get along even when they disagree greatly? Recently, the Dallas/Fort Worth Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church demonstrated that they could disagree on faith and ethics yet still work together. They voted on an amicable separation plan for their conference. It lacked the usual winners and losers and had a notable sense of humility and unity even as they sought to separate from one another. Similarly, the Mountain Sky Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church highlighted a plan for supporting churches who would be hurt by disaffiliation. This initiative, “A Table for All” was likened to a Thanksgiving table. Whenever family gathers, like at a holiday table, you don’t need to agree to share in fellowship, love and civility. With this as a model, a positive future is possible.

 

The Pervasive Culture of Hate and Violence

The American culture of hate and violence is undergirded by everything from violent video games and movies to conspiracy theories such as QAnon, to a stolen election, to toxic distrust of the other. Exacerbated by the stresses of the pandemic, this culture has stealthily taken root in some congregations.

I am grateful for the work of colleague Rev. Derek Kubilus. He has successfully used motivational interviewing to bring people aligned with conspiracy theories such as QAnon that disrupt the life of the church back into community. He cautions people to stay away from debate or ridicule as that only exacerbates differences. Instead, he suggests these three questions:

  • Why do you believe what you believe?
  • What led you to these ideas?
  • What makes these ideas so convincing for you?

While Derek suggests this process for de-escalating and re-integrating conspiracy theorists into the life of the church, I think motivational interviewing can work for any kind of polarization. Because it does not dehumanize the other, rather, it deepens a sense of belonging by creating curiosity and connection.

 

Next Steps

None of this is easy. It requires time and intentionality and practice. But there is no more pertinent time than now, and as the church, we can make an impressionable difference. If you’re willing to give it a try, here are a few places you can start:

  1. Practice motivational interviewing with your people. Engage them in discussion about the things you disagree with instead of avoiding them.
  2. Check out my books Forging a New Path or Dream Like Jesus. I go into great detail about the Platinum Rule in these books and how you can apply it in your setting.
  3. Join me for Leadership Mojo Wednesday, July 6 at 5pm MT/7pm ET for a live discussion with Derek Kubilus. We’ll talk about the culture of hate and violence and how we can disarm it to make way for productive and compassionate conversation.

One last thing you can do is join in a cohort of Creating a Culture of Renewal® starting this fall. This life-giving experience supports you in making sustainable shifts in your congregational culture while growing in your own leadership smarts. 

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.