by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Oct 20, 2015
There’s plenty wrong with fear. It’s implicated in the debilitating effects of stress, it’s related to the development of chronic illness, and it underlies addiction, violence and abuse. Dr. Lissa Rankin’s latest book, The Fear Cure, outlines the evidence behind this and more. But what if there were an upside to fear? After all, some of the greatest biblical characters suffered from fear. We know this because of how often angels tell their surprised visitants, “Do not fear.” From Moses to Joshua, and from Zechariah to Joseph and Mary, the heroes of our faith were afraid. Could there be something for church leaders to learn today? Discover three gifts that fear bestows, and how to embrace them in your leadership style.
Rankin discusses two kinds of fear. The first kind of fear is realistic. It’s the kind that sets in when someone is pointing a gun at you, or an 18-wheeler has veered into your lane and is bearing down on you. Fear this? You bet. This is a legitimate fear. Adrenaline will kick in and enable you to stay calm, be on high alert, act with unusual speed or kick into action in a way you didn’t know you were capable of.
The second kind of fear is the kind that is unrealistic: the thousand dreadful worries that never come to pass or the worst case scenarios we conjure up without even trying: What if my husband gets killed in an accident today and never comes home again? What if my child says the wrong thing in school and is bullied for the rest of his life? What if we get hit with some freak flood on top of this mountain and lose our home, our belongings and have to live in a homeless shelter for the rest of our lives?
Church leaders have these kinds of fears too: What if no one likes this sermon, no one gives today, everyone gets mad at me, and the church empties out never to re-fill? What if our mission outreach doesn’t work, people get discouraged, the Board calls a special meeting to dis me, and God hates me?
These are unrealistic fears that tax our bodies, deplete our spirits, and deaden our minds. They are also just the kind of fear that can grow our leadership. To understand how fear can help us grow, let’s take the word apart and look at several acronyms.
F.E.A.R. #1: Flee Everything And Run
When the fight or flight mechanism kicks in, there’s a sign that something deeper is going on. If you catch yourself inventing unrealistic fears and responding as if they were real, chances are you are reacting to something bigger and older than the current circumstance. In other words, your buttons are getting pushed. Use this as an opportunity to notice, name and resolve old hurts. Separate out what is happening now from what happened then. It seemed I had a preponderance of gruff men in my congregation. Every one of them intimidated me. No matter what they said, I responded in fear and felt myself grow small. I was afraid to say what I thought if it contradicted them. I was afraid they wouldn’t like me. I was afraid I couldn’t stand up to them or they would say something I couldn’t handle. Turns out my buttons were getting pushed. My grandfather had been a gruff old man. I had transferred little girl fears into my adult situations. I resolved it once and for all when I was direct and no-nonsense with the final gruff old man at the church. I was pleasantly surprised when he took it all in stride, and delighted when gruff old men seemed to disappear from my life. Now I know how to stand my ground, and come from strength not weakness.
F.E.A.R #2: False Evidence Appearing Real
“I could never tell my congregation what I truly feel about gay marriage. That would divide the congregation. Trust would be gone forever.” So said a pastor friend at a recent retreat.
Fear this? Maybe. Maybe not.
Some of our brightest pastors have coalesced congregations around preaching the controversies. That takes courage, sure. But even they have had fear. For courage can’t exist without fear. Just like faith can’t exist without uncertainty.
Dealing with a controversy? Our people don’t expect us to be automatons. They’ve been around the block. They too hold a divergence of opinions. This could be the time to gird your loins and spit out the truth. Just be sure to do it in a way that leaves others’ dignity intact, and their right to disagree unchanged.
I’ll never forget when I preached on environmental stewardship as a Christian value in my Wyoming congregation. Ours is a state where coal is king and natural gas is Prince Charming. I thought they might all get mad. But that’s not what happened. Those I least expected demonstrated their support. The rest were unfazed one way or the other. They came back next Sunday, as always. But one particular person, Dave Dingman, began a recycling ministry that touched practically our whole community. I tell the full story in Green Church.
My fear was false. When I took it on, I grew in courage. More importantly, that gave others permission to respond in courageous faith.
F.E.A.R #3: Forgetting Everything’s All Right
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to manage and handle the life of the church, and make good on our word, that we forget we’re not ultimately in charge. Made a promise you can’t keep? Cast a vision you can’t implement? Fear this? Maybe. Maybe not.
The well-known Denver pastor, Dr. Roger Teel, tells the story about needing $25,000 to make good on a mortgage payment. He was a young minister who had led his congregation in faithful exuberance to stretch and make this commitment. The deadline came and went for the payment to be made. But there wasn’t enough money. They had failed in fundraising. Teel went back to his office to pack up his things, convinced that his tenure at this church was now over. Imagine his surprise, when he found an envelope in his office, with $25,000 dollars in it, given anonymously.
Somehow, when we least expect it, our fears show us that they are false: everything’s all right after all.
F.E.A.R #4: Face Everything and Rise
Fear has its place in the life of faith. But it’s not the final word. When we are able to face what we most fear, we can grow. When our congregations can face what they most fear, they too can grow.
One small church finally faced the facts: it was time to close its doors. They had moved from adolescence into adulthood and finally into maturity. As they topped the rise and picked up speed on the downward side of the hill, they realized they would have to close. But they wanted to do it while there were still people in attendance; people who could attest to the good ministry the church had accomplished. A moving service with 15 souls in attendance was a powerful witness to the loving acts of kindness, the preaching of the gospel, the families who had been cared for, the prayers that had been prayed, and the difference this community of faith had made. It was a touching service that satisfied the needs of the people, spoke to the community, and ultimately made room for an encore congregation to form in that building. The original congregation completed its mission. They made space for new life to rise from their foundation. It was a blessing all around.
Fear is a natural human element. In fact, it’s hard wired into the brain. But it’s not all bad. It gives rise to courage, to faith, to a deep grounding in the presence of God. If we let it, it can help us transform all that’s missing in our lives.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Aug 25, 2015
I have just returned from a national church conference that brought together church leaders and thought leaders to talk about leadership best practices. For my part, I asked people to choose a leadership style that best described them. Overwhelmingly, the top choices were inclusive, affirming and humble. Energizing was a close second. On the surface, these are terrific leadership styles: they are people-oriented, upbeat, welcoming. They imply hearts full of love. And a willingness to express it.
At a time when people say churches are judgmental, unfriendly and hypocritical, these leadership styles are a breath of fresh air. These leaders are likely to lead with an open heart, an open mind, and a smile. They will look for the best in the people around them, and seek to form collaborative ministries that gather in a variety of people. Personally, I love people like this!
But there are times when love isn’t the answer. When it does more harm than good. And when it prevents the church from growing in faith or accomplishing its mission.
Inclusive, affirming and humble leaders tend to lead from beside or behind. That’s a comfortable style for them. In fact, they may not even want to be out front or lead the charge. There are ups and downs to this style. Let’s take a closer look.
The upside
The upside of this leadership style comes when they are leading people who are chomping at the bit, who have lots of forward momentum and who don’t want to be stopped. Inclusive, affirming, humble leaders won’t stand in the way of forward motion here. Their position beside or behind will be seen as permission-giving, gracious, and supportive. That’s a good thing.
The downside
But what about when the people they are leading are less sure of themselves? After all, not every follower of Christ wants to be out front. Many want to be, well, followers. They’re more comfortable enacting someone else’s vision than crafting their own. In this case, inclusive, affirming and humble leaders may be less effective. If their desire is to make sure all voices are heard, harmonious consensus is achieved, and no one is left out, then their loving yes is effectively a no.
What are they saying no to? No to embracing risk. No to uncertain outcomes. No to emerging situations that require a quick response. In a word, they are saying no to faith. Faith requires trust. Trust is only necessary if the outcome is unsure and the future is unknown.
Now what?
Let’s say you find yourself in the category of an inclusive, affirming and humble leader. First thing to do is to offer a prayer of thanks. You bring much to the table that others want to emulate. You are indeed a gift to the church.
Next, survey your congregation.
Ask yourself, who are you leading?
Let’s say you have a preponderance of folks who are chomping at the bit…eager to take on every ministry that comes their way. Let’s say they’re pretty comfortable with risk and change, too. If that’s the case, your permission-giving style of leadership is probably a good fit. You are not likely to stand in the way of people’s energy and enthusiasm to do good in the world.
So, here are a few things to remember: Make sure you are staying in touch with your leaders to resource and connect them. Help them remember the vision you are working towards. In their energetic pursuit of making things happen, they may get distracted and stray from the shared vision you have. Do ask for timelines and deadlines from your leaders so that goals are accomplished and communication channels are kept open. Finally, keep the encouragement going, even as you step aside to let them move forward.
On the other hand, let’s say you have a preponderance of folks who are followers, not leaders. They look to you or another leader in the church to make decisions, delegate tasks, keep things moving, and not incidentally, pick up the slack. Things move at a moderate but steady pace, as long as you keep things going.
If this is your situation, you’re dealing with a horse of a different color. Be assured, your inclusive approach is probably well-appreciated here. But it may be that everyone, including you, is a bit too comfortable. Know what I mean? It’s time to move out of comfort zone into the growth zone.
Here’s what I suggest. Begin by praying. Ask God to awaken in you a desire and willingness to stir things up. To bring more risk to the table. To choose adventure over caution. Ask for the ability to set aside gentle understanding so that you might prod people for results. Don’t be surprised if this prayer is answered by God sending someone or something to prod you! It’s happened before.
Next, involve others in your prayers for greater risk. Search the scriptures for examples you can teach and preach. Lead devotions on the topic. Then don’t be surprised when someone approaches you with a desire to lead rather than to follow. When that happens, give thanks, say yes, and give them permission to eagerly follow the Spirit’s prompting.
All shook up
Churches that are willing to be shook up are churches that are willing to flow with the movement of the Spirit. One of the pastors I coach started off as inclusive, affirming, humble pastor. Great guy. But not much was happening in his congregation. Finances were flagging. Attendance was declining. The energy of the church was faltering. And it wasn’t even the off season!
After beginning to survey his congregation, he realized he had a lot of fellow inclusive, affirming and humble Christians in his congregation. They were looking to him to lead them. Because he preferred to lead from behind, he had been waiting for them to take the ball and run with it. He realized it wasn’t going to happen. At least not the way he thought. He began to pray, playfully, earnestly, regularly, for God to stir up something in him, in them, in the community.
Lo and behold if someone didn’t break if a tornado didn’t hit that town. It flattened several buildings and tore the roof off the community center. Many people were displaced—without food, water, and the like.
Good golly Miss Molly, you have never seen people get into action like these church people did! Previously sedentary folks became like friendly drill sergeants, rallying the troops. Quiet quilters began hosting moveable dinner parties for the workers and displaced townspeople. Giving went up as a common needs surfaced. It was a lovely, chaotic delight to behold!
In the end, of course, love was the answer. But first, there was a tornado.
What kind of leader are you? The kind your people need at this moment? Maybe it’s time for you to start praying…
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | May 4, 2015
Every year thousands of clergy are moved, removed, or otherwise asked to retire from the pulpit. Aside from big splashy issues like running off with the choir director, making off with the money, or not showing up for worship, there are a few key reasons clergy are kicked out. According to denominational resources, these reasons are surprisingly consistent across Protestant denominations—from United Methodist to Southern Baptist.
You might think that rapidly growing acceptance of gay marriage coupled with denominational tensions about the rights and roles of GLBT people would make doctrinal differences a primary reason clergy are shown the door. But it’s not. Nor is it outspokenness on other hot topics such as racism, excessive police violence, poverty, immigration, or climate change. So why do clergy get kicked out? For the surprising results, and what they might mean for you, read on.
Southern Baptists, who have been tracking this for over 15 years, show that 4 of the 5 top reasons clergy are let go is related to the leadership style of the pastor. Too strong a style is cited twice as often as too weak a style. But one thing that is consistent no matter the style is poor people skills.
An inability to get along with others is not limited to Southern Baptist pastors. In a broader study, Christianity Today has found that personality conflicts account for one third of all clergy dismissals.
On the flip side, a recent study conducted by United Methodist Bishop Grant Hagiya explores the top qualities that highly effective clergy share. The number one quality they exhibit is high Emotional Intelligence. EI is the ability to accurately know and manage oneself in a variety of social settings, as well as how to work well with others.
Similarly, another denominational study on clergy effectiveness indicates that strong people skills is central to the work of clergy, whether rallying people to enact a vision or helping them do good in their communities.
How do you know if you are close to being shown the door? Keep in mind these three indicators of your people skills:
Excessive Conflict
If everything comes with a fight, or resistance, this may mean that you and others have a hard time establishing a mutually agreeable framework for making decisions. Or that you disagree on the fundamental vision that underlies your ministry. Even worse, it may indicate there is no vision at all except to survive.
If excessive conflict is the symptom, immerse yourself in prayer. One of my favorite prayers is what I call the prayer of alignment: “God please prepare my heart and mind for them, and their hearts and minds for me.” This is a good starting point for seeking a new alignment whether the issue is timelines for decision-making or the need for a growth-oriented unifying vision.
Too Little Conflict
While too much conflict is a warning sign, so is too little conflict. On the one hand it may mean your style is authoritarian and you do not encourage any debate or disagreement. On the other hand, it may mean your style is so laid back that no new ideas or ministries are being proposed. Neither is helpful.
Develop your internal capacity for healthy debate, and begin to encourage the give and take of ideas. Ask for input from your allies and enemies. Pray for the courage of Christ to share your vision of how the Kingdom of God is at hand in your setting.
No Results
In some churches, people skills are overly prized. These clergy pay so much attention to maintaining harmonious relationships that results suffer. Very little tangible work actually gets done. No new ministries, no new outreach, no new worship experiences. Perhaps committees do not meet and paperwork is left undone.
Re-read the Gospel according to Mark. Notice how much Jesus actually did in a few short chapters. Much as he loved people, he didn’t stay put and just cater to one population. He was on the move; he got stuff done. He preached, prayed, taught, healed. If tasks take a back seat to people, check to see if your church suffers from either people pleasing or analysis paralysis. Pray the Spirit emboldens your spirit and quickens your pace. Increasing the sense of urgency is key to accomplishing results that truly serves people without being a people pleaser.
Still need more insight? If you are having trouble with people skills, check out the Platinum Rule for Thriving Congregations. You’ll increase your ability to bring out the best in the people who frustrate you the most. At the same time, you’ll learn how to grow in self-awareness and self-management encourage others to do the same.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 13, 2015
I’ve seen it many times. A church leader is having trouble. She can’t gain traction with a particularly difficult person. He is stymied about how to get support on a stewardship project. A brand new ministry that once seemed promising is now failing to launch.
What does the leader do? Instead of approaching things from a new angle they simply dig in and try harder. For example, if her style of leadership is naturally inclusive, she bends over backwards to make sure even more people feel included. If his style of leadership is resolute, he becomes ever more decisive. If her style is humble, she sacrifices even more, hoping her self-giving will finally give wings to the ministry.
Rarely does this approach create a breakthrough. Instead, it creates resentment, hopelessness, and a victim-stance. All the while deepening the leader’s blind spot. And crippling the church.
By doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, the leader is actually sabotaging their natural capacity to lead. Others lose trust in them. They lose trust in themselves. The ministry of the congregation suffers.
But there’s hope for the leader who wants disappear their blind spot, expand their vision, and free the church to do great ministry. My 10 steps to leadership enlightenment is powerful and transformative. A word of caution, though: it’s not for sissies. It takes a willingness to see yourself more clearly, be vulnerable with others, and lead from unsure footing.
You’ve heard it said if the only tool in your toolkit is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail. If you approach every problem with the same 1 or 2 strengths, that’s a sure sign that you’re operating from a blind spot. If so, there’s no time to lose! Let’s get started.
- Pray for openness to engage in this process. Ask God to guide you, ground you, and help you get out of your comfort zone. Repeat as needed!
- Choose a challenging ministry situation in which your leadership is needed.
- Identify what an ideal outcome of the situation would be.
- Ask two or three others whom you trust to tell you the truth, and with guidance from the Holy Spirit, identify your top 3 leadership strengths.
- Together, identify how these 3 strengths helped or could help in this particular situation.
- Now with your trusted friends, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, reflect on how your 3 strengths may actually hinder an ideal outcome. These answers will give you a rough outline of your leadership blind spot. You could stop right here. But keep going if you’d like to learn how to act on your blind spot.
- Interview others in the church and in your circle of influence about which 3 additional leadership behaviors they would like to see you add to your toolkit.
- Compile a list of all the answers you get, no matter how you feel about them. Likely, these behaviors are outside of your comfort zone. They wouldn’t naturally occur to you to do. You might not even know how to do them.
- Look for behaviors that are opposite your natural comfort zone.
- Choose one or two of these leadership behaviors to practice using in the situation you identified in step #2. Notice what works and what doesn’t. Practice and repeat.
These 10 steps work. Take Pastor Jack for example. He prided himself on being a humble leader. He didn’t need the limelight. He had no ego to feed. He did everything for Christ. He brought this humility, and his humor, to every situation he encountered. While plenty of people admired him, and laughed at his jokes, his ministry remained ineffective. Leaders with bigger personalities ran roughshod over his modest ideas—and he was powerless to reign them in. Discontents bypassed him because they felt he wouldn’t be able to do anything. Rumor had it that he wasn’t really invested in the life of the church.
Pastor Jack tried to laugh it off, prayed deeply, and became ever more selfless. While he felt protected by God, it didn’t change the dynamics of the church.
Eventually he was moved. The church went through a series of pastors and still floundering. But when Pastor Jack applied this 10-step process in his next church, things unfolded in a new way. He identified 3 new approaches to ministry that he was able to incorporate. For example, where once he led from behind, he now leads from closer to the front. Where once he was afraid to cast a vision, he now finds comfort in being more bold. Where once he left details dangling, he now follows through, dotting i’s and crossing t’s. The church is growing spiritually, unhindered by unresolved conflicts, and their ministries are reaching deep into the community.
If you’d like to go deeper on this topic, register for Leadership Smarts, Track 2 of Creating a Culture of Renewal. Get the Early Bird discount when you register by April 22. In Track 2, I help leaders just like you:
- Avoid the mistakes that sabotage your natural capacity to lead.
- Increase your satisfaction in ministry while understanding the gifts others appreciate about you.
- Gain deeper clarity about your under-utilized assets and how to employ them.
Please note, completion of Track 1: Culture and Communication, is a prerequisite to Track 2.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 16, 2014
Resurrection is the promise of Easter. The only trouble is no death, no new life! I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that new life is what I crave!
So this Holy Week, I thought I’d share with you the top 3 ways to avoid resurrection:
1. Refusal to let the old die out
I have seen too many ministries propped up or emotionally subsidized because they used to be successful. Or because they were someone’s pet project. Yet the current results or enthusiasm no longer warrant the resources to keep them going. They suck time, money and energy out of a church that might otherwise be used more effectively.
Here’s the trick: get comfortable with emptiness until something new surfaces.
2. Refusal to change
We’ll experience 20,000 years worth of change in this century alone. That means the church has to become more agile at embracing change simply to connect with our communities. Don’t mistake “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” with God or faith being static. Instead consider that Jesus is the ultimate expression of God’s ingenuity and creativity!
Go ahead put up a screen, get a Facebook account, create online giving options, and mentor the next generation into leadership!
3. Refusal to be uncertain
Jesus faced an unknown future. Would God let the cup of suffering pass or not? It took faith not to know. There’s lots of stuff we don’t know now…and can’t know. We’ll never know unless we trust God and life enough to take uncertain steps.
Give up having to be certain. Step out in faith! Try something you’re pretty sure might fail…just to see! Have an adventure. Build your faith muscle.
“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”
If you want to talk about how to embrace resurrection instead of avoid it, shoot me an email (re*****@***************er.com)!
Here’s to new life!
Rebekah
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Mar 28, 2014
Has your church been infected? If so, you’ll need to know the 5 warning signs of congregational renewal.
1) Prolonged and increasing bouts of new and creative ministries
2) Excessive enthusiasm among church leaders
3) Better communication and less conflict
4) A re-energized focus and renewed sense of spiritual direction
5) A more powerful connection with God’s mission and purpose
If you see telltale signs of congregational renewal in your congregation, good for you!
If your congregation hasn’t been bitten by the much-anticipated (and not at all deadly) “Renewal Bug” yet, rejoice!
I’d like to share with you ways to create the conditions for renewal to take hold in your congregation!
Join me for a webinar on Wednesday, April 2, Noon-1pm MT for an introduction to Creating a Culture of Renewal, an empowering and comprehensive approach to self-awareness, leadership and ministry!
With measurable results!
Shoot me an email and I’ll send you the login information for the webinar. Attendees will receive a gift from me.
In the meantime, you can
download a brochure and learn more about Creating a Culture of Renewal today!
Blessings,
Rebekah
