Women, Leadership, and the B-Word

Women, Leadership, and the B-Word

by | May 6, 2021

Women, Leadership, and the B-Word

 

When a male leader is direct or decisive, he’s often known by a C-word:  Confident.  Competent. Charismatic. He’s prized as a strong, natural leader. Women in leadership, however, are often stuck with a less desirable word. With less desirable connotations.

With Mother’s Day just past, a day that has become not just about honoring our mothers, but about honoring women and their many strengths in general, I had to wonder why this is.

I told my husband about the title of this blog and asked him what he thought the B-word was. He answered tongue in cheek. “Bright?  Balanced? Bold?” I laughed. The truth is, we both know that very often a strong, competent woman is more likely to be known as bossy. Or worse, a b#tch.

Women and the B-Word

Strangely enough, it’s not just men that make these pronouncements. Other women do too.

Experiencing resistance as a Methodist minister myself in the past, I often wonder why women would be wary of female leadership? Is it because women are afraid of their own power?  Is it because women fear the backlash that comes when another woman displays such qualities? Or maybe traditional female gender socialization is so ingrained that it’s simply hard to accept this sort of female leadership.

I’m not sure.  But I do know this.  Women, as well as men, are naturally shaped to be direct, confident, and decisive. As well as tender, compassionate and collaborative. Traditional gender norms tend to skew socially acceptable behaviors. But in studies about personality type, all of the above qualities occur almost equally in both men and women. Moreover, since each of us is made in the likeness of God, there are no mistakes about how we turn out.

Strong, decisive leaders who are confident, competent and charismatic are what the church needs. As well as compassionate and collaborative. And the church needs them in both the female and male versions.

women in leadership

So how do we move beyond the negative monikers of bossy and b#itchy? I have three suggestions for women in the pews, pulpits and communities:

1. Remember the power women from your past. 

Identify women from your past that shaped their families and communities with their insight, intuition, and ability to get things done. You are part of that history. Women have always been leaders, even if not in the public square.

2. Mentor the next generation of women.

Elizabeth supported Mary when they both carried miracle babies who would change the arc of history. Mentor younger and older women in developing their own confidence and skill.

3. Own your inner boss.

Get comfortable with your own power. The power to move a conversation forward, to motivate a congregation, to envision new possibilities. A female colleague gave me a prized mug that says: “I’m not bossy. I am the boss.”

There is one more B-word that is under-used when it comes to women. One we should wholeheartedly embrace: Bishop.

In 2006, I attended an international United Methodist celebration of the 50th anniversary of full clergy rights for women. All of the female United Methodist bishops in the church were in attendance. They told their stories, spoke on panels, and cheered each other on. I was amazed not only at their leadership, but at their everydayness. Navigating airports on the way back home, I thought about these women. If I had seen any of them without their episcopal robes or name tags, I wouldn’t have known they were bishops. They looked like other women I knew:  grandmothers, mothers, sisters and friends.

The United Methodist Church has come a long way since it consecrated its first female bishop. Even so, both church and society itself need to continue taking the vital steps to truly acknowledging the many women leaders around us. Women who accomplish amazing things in their communities, families, and in the Kin(g)dom of God.

We need you. True, in some settings, you may be thought of as bossy, or even bitchy. But let’s not forget, you may also be thought of as bishop-material.

Chances are, YOU are a leader! Whether clergy, bishop, laity, community advocate, or mom, you’re leading in powerful ways. I hope you’ll join me on my free 90-minute seminar, “How to Create a Culture of Renewal.” You’ll not only be taking the next step in your leadership role but learning the life-giving miracles that renewal can bring.

Got Renewal?

by | Jun 19, 2017

Renewal is an elusive quality in most congregations. It’s also widely misunderstood.
Congregational renewal is not created by more people in pews, more bible studies or more outreach. It’s not a function of working harder or even smarter. It doesn’t come by getting younger people or expanding the ranks of young adults. It’s not caused by more money in the offering plates or even setting up online giving. It’s not about better preaching, or better trained people, or higher quality programs.

These may be outcomes of renewal, but they are not its cause.

So, if renewal isn’t caused by any of the signs we normally associate it with, what is it caused by? In this post, I want to share with you the underlying practices that give rise to renewal. And how to know if your congregation is practicing them or not.

In my work with churches, I have identified 7 areas that are consistently present in churches that experience renewal. These include Clear Mission, Bold Vision, Aligned Ministries, Flexible Culture, Courageous Demonstrations of Faith, Life-giving Spirituality, and Engaged Leadership. They seem to hold true whether your church is progressive or conservative, rural or urban, small or large.

To see where your church falls, take the self-scoring assessment, and then let’s talk.
If you scored 1-40 POINTS, your congregation is on LIFE SUPPORT. Your church is gasping for air. It’s in need of a strong infusion of faith, vision, and passion. Or perhaps a funeral. Either way, it’s time to put the old patterns and old ways of doing things on permanent pause.

Your next steps: Consider your options. Is it time to close? Become a legacy congregation? Or a resurrection site from which something new can arise?  Find ways to honor the past, then make way for a very different future.

If you scored 41-80 POINTS: it’s time to ask yourselves, CAN THESE BONES LIVE? Your congregation has likely slipped from serving God and serving others to a fear-based inertia. Sentimentality and longing are frequent topics of conversation while vision and passion are things of the past. Risky faith is but a memory. Spiritual practices and ministries focus only on comfort. Conflict, or the threat of it, is ever-present.

Your next steps: Gather a vision team and begin to pray for God’s next vision for you. Do not let the fear of conflict or time-honored tradition waylay you from sensing God’s new promptings. Pay special attention to cultivating Life-Giving Spirituality, Engaged Leadership and Flexible Culture.

If you scored 81-120 POINTS: discover FRESH WINDS OF THE SPIRIT.  One of two things is happening. Either your congregation is leaning into best practices, and discovering new ways to respond to the Gospel. Or your congregation is slipping away from its former glory days, and just doesn’t know it yet. You likely have a sense of Clear Mission, even if Bold Vision is tenuous. You have some strength in Aligned Ministries and Life-Giving Spirituality.

Your next steps: Cast a Bold Vision. Look beyond yourself and your own survival to the needs and resources of the community. The more you do this, the more fear will fall away and faith will take its place. Partner with God to launch new ministries aligned with your vision, to rotate leadership and practice more courageous demonstrations of faith. Ensure that you are practicing high accountability, and mentoring new leaders to get to the next step.

If you scored 121-160 POINTS: celebrate that you are RENEWED AND REFRESHED. Your congregation is leading the way with inspiring vision, life-giving passion, and fear-defying faith. You know who you are and what you’re about. You are on the leading edge of each of the 7 areas of best practice. Most of all, you are expanding assumptions about what is possible and deeply connected to the Source and Spirit of your faith.

Your next steps: Celebrate and freely communicate your successes! Mentor other churches, grounding them in the best practices you have discovered.   Make sure leadership is revived, and that you do not rest on your laurels for too long. Cast the next life-giving Bold Vision.

No matter what stage your congregation is in, once you start on the path of renewal, keep the lines of communication open. Treat each other with respect and patience. As exciting as renewal is, there will be some push-back as things change.

Ready to dig in or have questions? Please contact us for a free 30-minute consultation to map out your next steps. Email re*****@***************er.com. Or call 307-320-6779.

Finally, let us empower you to read your congregational culture, grow in leadership smarts and shift the culture of your congregation. Creating a Culture of Renewal Groups are forming for 2017-2018.  Join the one that’s closest to you.

Give Up on Giving Up

by | Mar 31, 2015

In this last installment on what to give up for Lent, beyond donuts and lattes, to things that make a real difference, I have to end this way:  Give up giving up!

It’s become somewhat fashionable to give up on the mainline church.  As if all that’s left is for the last rat to jump ship.  Or the last Israelite prophet to cave before Baal.

Only it ain’t over til it’s over.  And believe me, it ain’t over.  Surges of resurrection are happening all over the place.  And we’re not even at  Easter Sunday yet!

Tired of hopelessness?  Hang in there. I’m going to share 3 rock-solid reasons why giving up on the church is the wrong move. And 1 rockin’ video that will make all the difference!

The best days of the mainline church may just be ahead of us. And here are 3 small reasons I think so:

1.  Small is biblical.  God delights in the faithful remnant.  The image of a faithful remnant is woven throughout scripture.  Now granted some of churches have shrunk because they are stuck rather than faithful.  But many of our smaller churches are engaged in effective ministry.  They function like small groups–praying for one another, engaged in each other’s lives, and reaching out beyond themselves to include others in the warmth of Christian fellowship and grace.

2.  Small is beautiful.  Christianity was born out of a small Jewish following of Jesus.  Rabbi Jesus didn’t lead a majority party.  While churches spread around the Mediterranean and beyond after his death, it wasn’t until Constantine made it the state religion that it became popular.   Ever since, the marriage of Church and State has produced questionable results.  Maybe it’s time to get back under the radar screen.  We have done some of our best work that way.

3.  Small is how it starts.  When Jesus showed up on the scene, even before he called any disciples, he proclaimed the Kingdom of Heaven.  He later said it’s at hand, it’s around, it’s within.  He wasn’t waiting for it to come.  It was already here.  That hasn’t changed. That means that what the church is looking to make manifest is actually already here.  Like yeast hidden in the loaf.  Yes, we can enlarge its spread, and teach its principles.  But just as the Spirit was given upon Jesus’ departure, so the Kingdom remains. God’s greatest gift of heaven on earth is here–accessible to us even now.

While I’ve given you 3 small reasons to give up on giving up, this church leader explains how small adds up.  Watch this delightful and empowering video that re-frames the true power of the church.

Happy Easter!

Top 3 Ways to Avoid Resurrection

by | Apr 16, 2014

Resurrection is the promise of Easter.   The only trouble is no death, no new life!  I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that new life is what I crave!
So this Holy Week, I thought I’d share with you the top 3 ways to avoid resurrection:

1.  Refusal to let the old die out
I have seen too many ministries propped up or emotionally subsidized because they used to be successful.  Or because they were someone’s pet project.  Yet the current results or enthusiasm no longer warrant the resources to keep them going. They suck time, money and energy out of a church that might otherwise be used more effectively.

Here’s the trick:  get comfortable with emptiness until something new surfaces.

2.  Refusal to change
We’ll experience 20,000 years worth of change in this century alone.  That means the church has to become more agile at embracing change simply to connect with our communities. Don’t mistake “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” with God or faith being static.  Instead consider that Jesus is the ultimate expression of God’s ingenuity and creativity!

Go ahead put up a screen, get a Facebook account, create online giving options, and mentor the next generation into leadership!

3.  Refusal to be uncertain    
Jesus faced an unknown future.  Would God let the cup of suffering pass or not?  It took faith not to know. There’s lots of stuff we don’t know now…and can’t know. We’ll never know unless we trust God and life enough to take uncertain steps.

Give up having to be certain.  Step out in faith!   Try something you’re pretty sure might fail…just to see!  Have an adventure.  Build your faith muscle.
“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

If you want to talk about how to embrace  resurrection instead of avoid it, shoot me an email (re*****@***************er.com)!
Here’s to new life!
Rebekah