by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Apr 16, 2014
Resurrection is the promise of Easter. The only trouble is no death, no new life! I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that new life is what I crave!
So this Holy Week, I thought I’d share with you the top 3 ways to avoid resurrection:
1. Refusal to let the old die out
I have seen too many ministries propped up or emotionally subsidized because they used to be successful. Or because they were someone’s pet project. Yet the current results or enthusiasm no longer warrant the resources to keep them going. They suck time, money and energy out of a church that might otherwise be used more effectively.
Here’s the trick: get comfortable with emptiness until something new surfaces.
2. Refusal to change
We’ll experience 20,000 years worth of change in this century alone. That means the church has to become more agile at embracing change simply to connect with our communities. Don’t mistake “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” with God or faith being static. Instead consider that Jesus is the ultimate expression of God’s ingenuity and creativity!
Go ahead put up a screen, get a Facebook account, create online giving options, and mentor the next generation into leadership!
3. Refusal to be uncertain
Jesus faced an unknown future. Would God let the cup of suffering pass or not? It took faith not to know. There’s lots of stuff we don’t know now…and can’t know. We’ll never know unless we trust God and life enough to take uncertain steps.
Give up having to be certain. Step out in faith! Try something you’re pretty sure might fail…just to see! Have an adventure. Build your faith muscle.
“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”
If you want to talk about how to embrace resurrection instead of avoid it, shoot me an email (re*****@***************er.com)!
Here’s to new life!
Rebekah
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Mar 28, 2014
Has your church been infected? If so, you’ll need to know the 5 warning signs of congregational renewal.
1) Prolonged and increasing bouts of new and creative ministries
2) Excessive enthusiasm among church leaders
3) Better communication and less conflict
4) A re-energized focus and renewed sense of spiritual direction
5) A more powerful connection with God’s mission and purpose
If you see telltale signs of congregational renewal in your congregation, good for you!
If your congregation hasn’t been bitten by the much-anticipated (and not at all deadly) “Renewal Bug” yet, rejoice!
I’d like to share with you ways to create the conditions for renewal to take hold in your congregation!
Join me for a webinar on Wednesday, April 2, Noon-1pm MT for an introduction to Creating a Culture of Renewal, an empowering and comprehensive approach to self-awareness, leadership and ministry!
With measurable results!
Shoot me an email and I’ll send you the login information for the webinar. Attendees will receive a gift from me.
In the meantime, you can
download a brochure and learn more about Creating a Culture of Renewal today!
Blessings,
Rebekah
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 8, 2014
As promised, here is the first of my top 5 or 6 tips for people of faith who are resolved to evolve this year! Here’s tip #1: Get Authentic.
When I pastored churches, I knew most of the people in the congregations I served–quite a few pretty well. We had conversations with some level of transparency on my part, and on theirs. Later, it surprised me to learn that all these folks I knew didn’t really know each other!
Never mind that some of them had been going to church together for decades.
They knew of each other, and about each other. But they didn’t really know each other. They weren’t genuinely friends.
Now that I work with churches in a variety of ways–leading retreats, teaching workshops, and coaching leaders–I can see that my congregations were not unique. Just because people worship together doesn’t mean they feel safe together.
That’s kinda strange, don’t you think?? We bring people together to study, worship and work. And even change the world. Without the kind of resilient bonds and relationships that make that do-able. Especially when conflict rolls around.
Would things change if your “community of faith” was truly acommunity? I mean, what if we truly knew each other–our weaknesses and our strengths? What if we were transparent with each other?
Jesus and his disciples hung out A LOT..they traveled together, ate together, debated together, fished together, partied together, fought together, learned together, made up together. They shared living space. Over time, they not only knew of and about each other, they were friends. That was a lot of time for transparency, authenticity. Tell me that didn’t have something to do with why they were so effective later on after Jesus died!
I listened to an interview recently about people who are spiritual but not religious. It pointed to another aspect of authenticity that religious people can learn from. It turns out those who identify as spiritual want, even more than those who are religious, to pose and savor good questions, to take on the status quo, and to freely express themselves in the process–without having to conform to pre-set norms. It’s in this process that they come alive, and experience the Divine.
My own belief, and my experience, is that as we are more truly ourselves–without trying to look good, follow the rules, or go along to get along–that God becomes most real. These epiphanies often happen in conversation with others.
So, for those who resolve to evolve in, here’s my suggestion: create the space and the permission where people can be authentically themselves. I’m thinking something like youth group for adults!
Why does Youth Group have the potential to be so transformative? And so hard? There’s no set agenda! You never know what students might bring up, or what personal problem or societal issue will become the topic of discussion. You never know who is going to cry. Nor who will shine. And how the group will bond, and come to experience God. But one thing you can count on: they will tell the truth, as they see it.
What if we set up those sorts of experiences for adults as well as youth? Experiences which let us truly get to know each other: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Here’s what I say: Let go of the pre-set agendas, and set the stage for transparency, tears, revelations, honesty. Kinda like Jesus did.
In his book Missional Renaissance, Reggie McNeal writes that for churches looking to go missional, people development must take priority over program development. Authenticity is a must for people development.
This year, as you resolve to evolve, resolve to get to know each other–at a whole new level. And do it more than just once a year. Plan a series of experiences that reward play, self-revelation, and self-awareness. In a word: authenticity. By all means, do it intergenerationally, whenever possible.
Some ideas:
- Go out to dinner together or have potlucks.
- Share your spiritual journeys.
- Do a project that groups or pairs people up and requires them to get to know each other.
If you’re looking for a retreat that builds a sense of the common good, and helps people truly get to know themselves and each other, click here to check out For the Common Good!
By the way, thanks to all those who answered last week’s fun question about Mr. Banks. We had a tie for the free book: congrats to winners GW Bill Warren and Deb Polanski!
Stay tuned for next week’s tip!
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Sep 30, 2013
What kind of ministries does your church engage in? Are they inner focused or outer focused? Are they comfort-oriented or challenge-oriented?
In order to survive and thrive, churches need a balance of ministries that both support the church itself (inner focused) and extend the ministry of the church beyond its own four walls (outer focused).
In addition, they can be geared toward one of two different approaches. The first approach is a ministry that overcomes challenges by shaping and influencing the larger world (challenge ministry). The second approach is by offering comfort to and improving the lot in life of those who are facing challenges (comfort ministry).
For instance, operating a food pantry or soup kitchen may be a comfort ministry. Your church distributes food to those who have lost their jobs, are on the verge of homelessness, struggle with addiction, are chronically mentally ill, or are fleeing violent situations.
A challenge ministry might address root causes of homelessness, addiction, the vulnerability of the mentally ill, domestic violence, war or a floundering economy.
Here’s another example. Many churches gladly rise to the occasion of comforting those hit by natural disaster—whether flood, hurricane, tornado, mudslide or earthquake. You may have ministries that create flood buckets, collect first aid supplies, or rebuild homes or churches in the face of these types of disasters.
A challenge ministry would deal with natural disasters at a different level. It might address the source of natural disasters by cleaning up garbage dumps that clog urban drainage systems or by planting trees in deforested areas thereby preventing mudslides. It could also address root causes of poverty by challenging corporations that exploit the natural resources of poor peoples.
Finally consider the quintessential prayer ministry. Perhaps you have a prayer ministry that focuses on supporting and uplifting those facing cancer. You might also arrange rides for those who need chemotherapy or radiation and make sure there are meals prepared for them upon their arrival home.
On the other hand, your church may create a challenge ministry that seeks to clean up the local toxic waste site, the contents of which are leaching into the ground and contaminating your drinking water thus contributing to cancer.
Now consider the ministries of your church. How many are comfort ministries? How many are challenge ministries? List them.
Likely your church is heavy in one area and light in another. What types of ministries can be developed to balance that out? Who might you approach about these ministries? Think outside the box here!
Challenge ministries are important for they are a reflection of God’s power to right wrongs, and to bring justice to unjust situations. Churches in decline often find that moving from a focus on comfort to challenge re-invigorates them. It gets them back into the heart of God’s concern.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Aug 14, 2013
Those of you who are familiar with the DiSC model of human behavior know that DiSC is an acronym for four types of human behavior.
And that each behavioral style reacts differently depending on the situation. Understanding the four styles is imperative to confronting conflict in a conscious and effective way, a way that will bring a positive resolution, and work toward enhancing how individuals in your congregation relate to, and work with, one another.
Let’s take a look at those DiSC styles, how each style responds to conflict, and how you, as a leader in your church, can be conscious (and conscientious) in your response to each behavioral style.
D stands for Dominance. You can probably bring to mind those in your congregation who are high D’s pretty quickly! They tend to be a bit demanding, even to the point of becoming aggressive and forceful. They know that their position is right, refuse to bend and will fight for victory!
You appreciate the assertiveness of your D’s and their push for results, but they’re often the cause of that thinning hair and aspirin addiction (see Four Ways to Ease Conflict!)
But, don’t despair! You can work effectively with Dominant congregants. Just make sure that you:
1) Be brief, to the point, and clear on rules and expectations. D’s are independent workers; respect that and use it to your congregation’s advantage!
2) They like to be initiators. Let them initiate when possible.
3) Respect their need for autonomy. Don’t expect your D’s to be overly sensitive to others in your group. It’s not in their nature. They’re not your social butterflies!
Your D’s ARE results-oriented, so make sure they know the ropes, then see what happens!
i means Influence. You know your i’s because they like to be acknowledged for everything they do! That’s because i’s are assertive like D’s, but their goal is not so much to win in the end, but to be noticed and appreciated for what they do. In conflict, the i’s want to be heard, In their efforts to that end, they may get emotional. In fact, they might even surprise you by verbally attacking others.
When approaching your i folks, be sure to:
1) Be informal, relaxed and sociable. Unlike D’s, i’s like to be around others. They appreciate you taking the time to listen. Be light-hearted and humorous!
2) Write down details. They’ll need this to stay on track of what YOUR goal for the congregation is!
3) i’s are vulnerable to rejection, even if it’s simply a perceived rejection. Make sure to give them public recognition for their efforts.
Steadiness is the way for the S behavioral style. S’s focus on feelings and their goal is harmony in the group. They avoid confrontation and want others to be cooperative and agreeable but when conflict inevitably occurs, they tend to surrender while simmering beneath the surface. Very occasionally, they will boil over!
When working with those in the S behavioral comfort zone:
1) Be systematic and consistent with your guidance. S’s have difficulty with deadlines and prioritizing.
2) The S style is resistant to change. Let them adapt slowly, but do let them know how things will be done.
3) S’s, like I’s, do want to be appreciated. Don’t forget to let them know how important they are to you and your congregation!
Those high in Conscientiousness, are justice-oriented. C’s value accuracy and control. In their conscientious use of logic and facts, they tend to forget the contributions of others who might be more emotionally-oriented, and get defensive and resistant if confronted. They want justice. Or to put it plainly, they want to be right!
For C’s, you’ll need to:
1) Be clear on expectations and deadlines. They appreciate your respect and will respond with loyalty.
2) Make sure you value their high standards and attention to detail.
3) Like your D’s, C’s don’t need a lot of socializing. They want to get down to business and appreciate emotionally reserved directions.
Making a truly conscious effort to manage conflict by using these simple steps will help you and your congregation work more effectively, successfully, and peacefully, together!
Now don’t forget, everyone has a little bit of each behavioral style within them. But knowing which style is dominant in an individual can make a real difference in how your congregation works together. That’s where prayer comes in. Ask God to guide and direct your thoughts and intuition.
But if you get it wrong, give me a holler and let’s see what we can figure out together! You might also like to get yourself a coach, join a supportive group with built-in accountability and start creating a breakthrough in your congregational culture. If that’s the case, then the DiSC and Discipleship Group Coaching Program could be just right for you!
Blessings on the journey, my friend!
P.S. DiSC is registered trademark of Inscape Publishing/Wiley.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jun 28, 2013
In my work with church leaders and their congregations, I often hear the words, “They’re all good people. Why can’t we just get along and work together?”
Great question! We’re all part of one human family, but that doesn’t save us from seemingly endless strife.
But there ARE ways to ease conflict in your church, ways that you can learn to work together with greater success and vitality than you’ve ever dreamed possible. With these 4 Steps to Easing Conflict, you really can stop pulling your hair out and put away the aspirin bottle!
1. Embrace Your Humanity.
Yep! The first step is all about YOU! Embrace your own humanity.
When conflict strikes, especially when it seems ever-present in our congregations, its easy to point a finger at ourselves. “I MUST be the problem!” But before you get too hard on yourself, take a step back. You’re doing God’s work and it wasn’t always easy for Jesus, either! Sometimes his message wasn’t well-received or fell on deaf ears. But, he kept on truckin’!
Conflict doesn’t signal disaster. In fact, it may be a sign that things are starting to work, that people are thinking and caring about what’s happening in your church and how to make things work better. They care enough to speak up and voice their opinions. A lack of conflict, in fact, could mean that nobody’s listening, nobody cares.
Building fair, just, honest and holy relationships is hard work! Accept that and accept yourself.
In the midst of arguments, hurt feelings, and temper tantrums, embrace your own humanity just as you are. Just as God does.
2. Discover What Motivates You and Those Around You.
How important are your motivators? Well, very important in easing conflict!
Take a look at what’s truly motivating you in your ministry. Is your priority building your congregation while your lay leaders are more concerned with community involvement? Are you trying to build a social justice ministry while their main focus is the next bake sale? Are you wanting to see changes NOW while they are working steadily at (what you consider) a snail’s pace?
Pace and Priority (those key words again!), don’t need to be the same to work together successfully and peacefully, but knowing your motivators and those of whom you’re working with, is essential.
3. Decode Conflict.
Once you’ve discovered motivations, it’s time to take the next step and decode the conflict that’s slowing you down. What’s really going on for your people when they’re in conflict?
If you know that Sasha’s conscientiousness motivates her to get things done systematically, completing one project before going on to the next, you can see why Martin’s enthusiasm and energy, his pace and desire to start new programs and ideas, might cause tension. Their Pace and Priority levels are very different.
But, once you have the tools to decode the conflict around you, to understand motivators, what makes people “tick”, you can help facilitate Sasha and Martin to the satisfaction of both and the benefit of your church!
4. Strategize for Success.
Now, that you’ve embraced your own humanity, as well as that of your church leaders, and understand that we all truly have different motivations though all for what each of us perceives as the good of the church, you can work together more efficiently in strategizing for the success of your church community!
Finally, kick back and breathe. Then breathe again. Trust God to lead you through the process.
I’m always here to help too. Send an email to of****@***************er.com if you’d like a complementary consultation about how to ease conflict in your congregation.
