by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Sep 14, 2019
At one church I visited recently, a long-time member confided that the church was going to have to split because the two pastors had differing views on human sexuality and the Bible.
Why can’t our differences live side by side? They do in the Bible.
There are two creation stories, two exodus stories, two accountings of how many animals piled into the ark. Kings and Chronicles have alternate views of history. The four gospels themselves tell differing stories to differing audiences.
Why is it that we in the church see difference, debate, and conflict as unholy?
Difference and debate are woven into the biblical story. Abraham dickers with God. Jacob contends with the Angel throughout a long night. God and Moses have an equally challenging relationship with each other. Jesus is in constant debate with his followers, his community and his opponents.
As uncomfortable as conflict is, it’s in these encounters that sacred truths are revealed, and holy moments are elevated. It’s time to reclaim debate as sacramental.
When it comes to sacraments, debate is messier than spilled grape juice, scattered breadcrumbs, and overflowing baptismal waters. But not messier than the events that gave rise to these symbols.
Conflict is a natural part of human community. Conflict doesn’t need to split your church. As long as you know how to talk to each other. But even more importantly how to listen. That requires self-regulation, a key element of emotional intelligence.
When in the midst of conflict, remember the word CALM:
C: Calm down. Breathe. Pause.
A: Assess your automatic thoughts.
L: Listen to what was actually said instead of how you interpreted it. Listen with your heart and your head.
M: Make a new response.
For more leadership tips, click here.
Remember, conflict and debate is natural – remain CALM in the face of conflict.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jun 19, 2017
Renewal is an elusive quality in most congregations. It’s also widely misunderstood.
Congregational renewal is not created by more people in pews, more bible studies or more outreach. It’s not a function of working harder or even smarter. It doesn’t come by getting younger people or expanding the ranks of young adults. It’s not caused by more money in the offering plates or even setting up online giving. It’s not about better preaching, or better trained people, or higher quality programs.
These may be outcomes of renewal, but they are not its cause.
So, if renewal isn’t caused by any of the signs we normally associate it with, what is it caused by? In this post, I want to share with you the underlying practices that give rise to renewal. And how to know if your congregation is practicing them or not.
In my work with churches, I have identified 7 areas that are consistently present in churches that experience renewal. These include Clear Mission, Bold Vision, Aligned Ministries, Flexible Culture, Courageous Demonstrations of Faith, Life-giving Spirituality, and Engaged Leadership. They seem to hold true whether your church is progressive or conservative, rural or urban, small or large.
To see where your church falls, take the self-scoring assessment, and then let’s talk.
If you scored 1-40 POINTS, your congregation is on LIFE SUPPORT. Your church is gasping for air. It’s in need of a strong infusion of faith, vision, and passion. Or perhaps a funeral. Either way, it’s time to put the old patterns and old ways of doing things on permanent pause.
Your next steps: Consider your options. Is it time to close? Become a legacy congregation? Or a resurrection site from which something new can arise? Find ways to honor the past, then make way for a very different future.
If you scored 41-80 POINTS: it’s time to ask yourselves, CAN THESE BONES LIVE? Your congregation has likely slipped from serving God and serving others to a fear-based inertia. Sentimentality and longing are frequent topics of conversation while vision and passion are things of the past. Risky faith is but a memory. Spiritual practices and ministries focus only on comfort. Conflict, or the threat of it, is ever-present.
Your next steps: Gather a vision team and begin to pray for God’s next vision for you. Do not let the fear of conflict or time-honored tradition waylay you from sensing God’s new promptings. Pay special attention to cultivating Life-Giving Spirituality, Engaged Leadership and Flexible Culture.
If you scored 81-120 POINTS: discover FRESH WINDS OF THE SPIRIT. One of two things is happening. Either your congregation is leaning into best practices, and discovering new ways to respond to the Gospel. Or your congregation is slipping away from its former glory days, and just doesn’t know it yet. You likely have a sense of Clear Mission, even if Bold Vision is tenuous. You have some strength in Aligned Ministries and Life-Giving Spirituality.
Your next steps: Cast a Bold Vision. Look beyond yourself and your own survival to the needs and resources of the community. The more you do this, the more fear will fall away and faith will take its place. Partner with God to launch new ministries aligned with your vision, to rotate leadership and practice more courageous demonstrations of faith. Ensure that you are practicing high accountability, and mentoring new leaders to get to the next step.
If you scored 121-160 POINTS: celebrate that you are RENEWED AND REFRESHED. Your congregation is leading the way with inspiring vision, life-giving passion, and fear-defying faith. You know who you are and what you’re about. You are on the leading edge of each of the 7 areas of best practice. Most of all, you are expanding assumptions about what is possible and deeply connected to the Source and Spirit of your faith.
Your next steps: Celebrate and freely communicate your successes! Mentor other churches, grounding them in the best practices you have discovered. Make sure leadership is revived, and that you do not rest on your laurels for too long. Cast the next life-giving Bold Vision.
No matter what stage your congregation is in, once you start on the path of renewal, keep the lines of communication open. Treat each other with respect and patience. As exciting as renewal is, there will be some push-back as things change.
Ready to dig in or have questions? Please contact us for a free 30-minute consultation to map out your next steps. Email re*****@***************er.com. Or call 307-320-6779.
Finally, let us empower you to read your congregational culture, grow in leadership smarts and shift the culture of your congregation. Creating a Culture of Renewal Groups are forming for 2017-2018. Join the one that’s closest to you.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 28, 2016
What’s the main reason people leave the church? It’s not politics. It’s not traditional worship. It’s not talk of money. It’s not unfriendly or overbearing people. It’s not the appearance or age of the building. It’s not generationally-imbalanced congregations. It’s not a lack of technology. Nope; none of these are the top reasons people give for why they leave the church.
A new study by the Public Religion Research Institute reveals that most religiously unaffiliated people, or “nones,” enter that category because they simply stop believing in their childhood religion. Of those folks, most drop out before the age of 30.
From the hymns and songs to the children’s message and the sermon, from the call to worship to the benediction, what we should believe and what the church believes is often emphasized in the local church. At a time when churches are desperately aware of the lack of young people, it’s hard to swallow this truth: Nones are 25% of the US population and rising. They’re not coming to church now and they’re unlikely to come back.
That puts churches in a quandary. What do you do when belief isn’t enough to keep young people engaged? I’d like to offer some suggestions, including one from Paul and one from Jesus.
As I see it, we’ve got at least five options.
-
- Don’t change a thing. Continue to focus on time-honored beliefs. After all, they surely provide a steady and constant source of comfort. They bring peace to world-weary hearts. And there are plenty of people who are buoyed by a recitation of the beliefs of the faith.
Tip: Pray for those who don’t share your beliefs, and move on.
2. Ask nones what it is they don’t believe in. No need to wonder or guess. Simply talk with nones and find out what it is they no longer believe in. They’ll be happy to share with you and probably pleased that someone cares enough to ask. I have asked several people this question, including my own father who left the church of his childhood at the age of 18. While my dad doesn’t talk faith, we have many interesting conversations about cosmology, science and ultimate meaning. It’s surprising how much we still share in common, even without the language of faith.
Tip: Be open, straightforward, and curious. Ask open-ended questions and listen without judgement. See what you can learn from the conversation.
3. Put away the baby food. In 1 Corinthians 3:2, Paul wrote that many believers were immature in their faith. They had been on a steady diet of milk and haven’t yet graduated to solid food. The famous developmental psychologist, James Fowler, suggests that wasn’t simply an ancient problem. He identifies a similar dynamic in his theory of stages of faith development. If most people leave before they are 30, maybe it’s because we in church rehearse a child-appropriate understanding of our beliefs, rather than an adult version. Fowler suggests that as we mature, we can handle ambiguity, uncertainty, and lots of grey area. Not only can we, we must, or we don’t mature as human beings. Perhaps it’s time for us all to put away the baby food and move from milk to solid food. That may not bring nones back, but it will likely mature the people who are sitting in the pews.
Tip: Check out where have you focused on black and white perspectives instead of entertaining ambiguity, nuance, and critical thinking. Discover where you have been unwilling to discuss new ways of looking at things or insisted: “This is the way it is.” Perhaps it isn’t.
4. Focus on behavior as much as belief. Jesus, in fact, seems to prefer this option. He’s pretty clear that calling him “Lord” isn’t enough (Matthew 7:21-23). It isn’t what you say about Jesus that makes you a disciple or ushers you into the Kingdom of Heaven, but if you actually do God’s will. He’s also pretty clear on what that is. Later in the same Gospel (Matthew 25:31-46) he references how one inherits the Kingdom: giving the hungry food, giving the thirsty drink, welcoming the stranger, clothing the naked, caring for the sick and visiting the imprisoned. How do your churches do at emphasizing Kingdom behavior? Do you talk about it? Do you give people ways to do this? If not, begin now. If you already do, what can you do to re-organize church activities around these Kingdom behaviors even more?
Tip: Look at your bulletin and church calendar to see which organized activities and ministries take precedence in your church. Map your ministries under Belief-Building Activities and Kingdom-Building Behaviors to see where your church has invested its energy, time and resources. What can you do to channel resources to Kingdom-Building Behaviors?
5. Incorporate a 3rd B. Beyond belief and behavior is the 3rd B of being. Does your church offer any experiences that empower people to enter and dwell in the presence of God? For some people, hymns and songs do it. For others, mission trips and service give people the experience of God. But those things don’t do it for everyone. One of the most powerful church services I attend begins with 3 minutes of quiet meditation each morning. No matter what else is happening. People are invited to enter the presence of the Divine. Another church I know offers prayer that directly involves people. The leader creates a structure for people to offer their own prayers to God, with prompting, on various subjects. There is enough silence and pausing for people to be able to do that. Other churches I know offer the opportunity to light a candle and say a prayer, walk a labyrinth.
Tip: Map your worship service to see what experiences of heightened being are offered. If your church only offers these options outside of worship, ask yourself: Why? Why is the direct experience of connecting with the presence of God not offered during worship? What options can you incorporate into seasonal and regular worship services.
Twenty-five percent of the potential church-going population isn’t satisfied with the experiences we offer. Are you? More and more church-goers want something more. Before more folks leave your church for good, have some honest discussions at your church about what’s working, what isn’t, and what you can do about it. There’s no shame in examining your beliefs, your approach to them, or your presentation of them. That’s something communities of faith have done for generations.
Need some help? Contact me; I specialize in helping churches create a culture of renewal. I’d be happy to assist you in mapping the ministries of the church, and your worship experiences, to make sure you’re reaching all the folks God has brought to your church. Email me at re*****@***************er.com, or check out www.cultureofrenewal.com for further learning opportunities.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Feb 15, 2016
Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s classic 1937 book, The Cost of Discipleship, describes cheap grace as the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline and communion without confession. It’s the sort of grace that allowed would-be disciples to avoid confronting the evils of Nazi Germany.
These days, cheap grace has competition. In an effort to appease a different kind of cultural complacency, grace has come to mean a bar that is set quite low. Offering this grace requires little to no accountability, enforces few if any standards, and bears almost no fruit. In churches, this low-level grace is most apparent in our communal and organizational life. It translates into a kind of laissez faire, you’re off the hook, no accountability stance.
This isn’t cheap grace. It’s worse than that. It’s mediocre grace. But mediocrity is not a biblical value. Jesus killed trees that bore no fruit. He spit out the lukewarm. He counseled followers to let their yes be yes and their no be no.
When it comes to perpetuating a culture of mediocrity in churches, there’s plenty of blame to go around—from the system, to pastors, to lay people, to denominationalism itself. Not to mention the larger culture that is rapidly changing, and lives that are overly busy. The list is long.
But you know the old saying: If you’re pointing a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. The truth is church culture can be shifted. But not by blaming others.
Here are four practices of low accountability/low fruit churches:
1. We neglect the secret of miracle-making. “Your faith has made you well” was a common refrain of Jesus. In the culture of mediocrity, we do not activate our faith in God, or in ourselves, to co-create miracles with the Divine. Instead of miracles we settle for the mundane. Then complain that nothing gets better. It sounds something like this: “How come young people don’t come to our church?” Or “How will we ever get people to help us bear the burden of our bills?”
2. We underestimate the size of mustard seeds. By confusing faithfulness with predictability (instead of trusting God in the midst of the unknown) we stunt our development as disciples. Our faith can’t even reach the size of a tiny seed. The culture of mediocrity means we no longer act as though we have been given the power to heal the sick, cast out demons, or even actively proclaim the kingdom. The church is silent on important issues and passive in the face of injustice.
3. We buy the lie. Churches that dispense mediocre grace buy into the lie that wastes time, energy, talent, and good will. It goes like this: “If this ministry / meal / outreach / worship service reaches just one person then it will all be worth it.” In churches that practice mediocre grace, this is often an excuse for not doing something well. It reinforces setting the bar for success low.
Those 3 are bad. But the worst of all is this one insidious and pervasive practice of mediocrity:
4. We let our yes be no and our no be maybe. You know what this looks like: people who commit to doing things, but never show up to meetings or get stuff done. Here mediocre grace means we can’t hold people accountable or even bring up broken agreements—lest we offend. In its worst forms, those who are authorized to decide, act, and move things forward continually put the brakes on. Meanwhile, the church loses its reputation as a safe place and a trustworthy partner, and as a witness for justice and a voice for the poor. All the while giving, and energy, goes down.
What makes this one practice so damaging? If we are not accountable in the small things, like our word, then we’ll never have authority over the larger things, like manifesting the Kingdom in our corner of the world.
Our nodding acquaintance with theories about systems and group cultures has gotten us to the point where we don’t believe we can make any changes because we can’t change the system. News flash: we are the system.
One group I am working with has started to shift its culture of mediocre grace by addressing its habitual lateness. Everything from budgets to annual reports to event registrations to worship bulletins are turned in late. Deadlines are routinely ignored. So things can’t be planned or executed well. Occasions that take extra preparation get bogged down because timelines aren’t met. Although the people themselves love God and care deeply for each other, they give the impression that they don’t. While accepting this behavior without comment seems Christ-like, it actually fosters resentment, resignation, and bad-mouthing. Definitely not Christ-like.
In this group, the denominational executives are starting the culture shift from the inside out. By acknowledging how they themselves have participated in promulgating a deadline-amnesic culture, they are making gains. For years they excused others without question when deadlines were missed, endlessly extended registration periods, and offered mediocre grace. All the while bitterness crept in, along with hopelessness, and trust among otherwise friendly colleagues suffered. Over time the situation spiraled out of control—costing them money, respect, and workability. It will take some time and intentionality to right this ship. But their courageous and transparent stance is sending all the right signals. It’s only a matter of time before mediocre grace gives way to both higher expectations and more miraculous outcomes.
It’s powerful to start a culture shift at the top. It demonstrates a willingness to take responsibility for what’s not working. It’s the opposite of the blame game. And it’s engaging. But what if you don’t have that luxury? What if the powers that be don’t recognize a need to change, or don’t know how to? No worries. Start where you are. With the people in your setting.
If deadlines are routinely ignored, or people come to church meetings unprepared, introduce the idea of a guilt-free accountability plan. Start by holding yourself to higher standards. Visibly write down dates, or enter them into your calendar, and ask others to do the same. If you miss a deadline or don’t make good on a promise, be the first one to speak up about it. No need to wallow in guilt or excessive apology. Simply owning the behavior is often enough to clear the air. This guilt-free process reinforces safety and trust. It also allows others to own their mistakes more easily.
One pastor I coach has decided to address the culture of mediocrity in her mid-size church by suggesting church teams create a group covenant. Intrigued by the idea, two teams have taken her up on the idea. They spent time hammering out the kind of agreements they’d like to operate with, and how to get there. Including a low-key, high-impact process for communicating lateness or the inability to follow through on a commitment.
Buoyed by their initial success, they now begin each meeting by reviewing their covenant out loud. Team members are encouraged to speak up about agreements not honored. As well as those met. No, it doesn’t change the past. But it does create a strong foundation for honesty respect to flourish. Instead of hiding out and counting on mediocre grace, this church is practicing the kind of straightforward communication that Jesus counseled. Friendships are being strengthened and new ministries are taking root.
It takes practice to move from mediocre to miraculous, from resignation to rejoicing. But I’ve seen it happen. Church cultures can and do shift—a bit at a time. The good news and the bad news about this is the same: it all starts with us.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jul 20, 2015
At a recent clergy retreat I attended, we prayed a prayer that went something like this: “O Lord, keep us far from the riches of the world.” Each of us was sincere in our prayers.
Later it occurred to me that God is indeed answering that prayer! Many churches find that money is their limiting factor. I’m going out on a limb here. But I don’t think it’s because these churches are full of poor people. It’s because they act poor.
I don’t believe this is a theologically necessary state of affairs.
Jesus had a trade. So did his disciples. His later apostles did as well. When Jesus and his disciples were traveling, they were richly supported by a network of women who financed their material needs.
While the author of 1 Timothy 6:10 writes, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil,” we sometimes act as though money itself is the root of evil. The truth is money is simply a tool through which we express our values.
What if we were to pray that God direct the riches of the world to us and through us to bring about healing, reconciliation, justice and wholeness in our communities and world? I wonder what might happen then?!
We need a new consciousness around money—one that allows us to be honest about our needs and the unlimited God we serve. Money is not in short supply. But if we believe it is, we will act, and ask, accordingly.
The most awkward moment in many church services comes when the offering plates are passed. Rarely is an inspirational invitation to give offered. Instead, code language, which only church insiders understand, may be used. Ushers themselves are often under-trained in actually passing plates to the people. Many a time I’ve wanted to put something in an offering plate but it never made it to me. It’s almost as if the ushers are apologetic about bringing the plate around. Music may play during the offering. But this offertory music is not connected with the offering of our financial gifts or our lives. Sometimes I wonder if it’s real function is to distract from the the embarrassing matter of collecting money. Finally, people stand while the doxology is sung.
Money makes the world go ’round. And churches need it as much if not more than other organizations. We have holy business to attend to: acts of justice, works of mercy, support of denominational initiatives, paying the salary and benefits of leaders, mortgages, heat, light, etc.
So why these mixed messages about money? Why awkward silences and the lack of clear direction or invitation? The truth is, many people want to express their gratitude to God, yet they don’t participate in the offering.
Here are 5 reasons why:
1. We don’t ask them to give. Yes, this may allow us to avoid awkward moments that make it seem like the church is “all about money.” But we also sidestep teaching moments, miss the opportunity for spiritual formation of life-long givers and don’t give people a way to express their gratitude. Worse, we hinder spiritual growth.
2. We ask them to give to the budget, but not to mission or ministry. Thus they don’t connect their giving with transformational activity. Don’t highlight the building or leadership salaries. Instead, highlight what buildings and salaries make possible!
3. We don’t ask for enough. Have you ever noticed that some people are only deeply motivated to give when challenged? If the “ask” isn’t big enough, they won’t bother giving. Are you asking for enough to get the attention of these givers? If not, you are blocking their spiritual growth, and the church’s ministry.
4. We have lost our vision for ministry and our passion for mission. They can tell the church is in maintenance-mode or a downward spiral. In one church I served, we redirected “the Pennies from Heaven” offering from paying off the mortgage to specific missional opportunities. Giving increased dramatically. Same people. Bigger offerings. They were jazzed by the vision and passion.
5. We don’t ask God to fully, richly, lavishly fund our ministries. Again, it’s that awkward relationship with money. And with vision.
We have not because we ask not. It’s time to start asking: inspirationally, invitationally, intentionally. Stop making excuses for why our churches are poor. Instead, it’s time to open ourselves to all the gifts God wants to bless us with. Acting poor won’t get it done.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Feb 2, 2015
“The church thinks that young people will save the church, but actually young people want to save the world,” said Rev. Jeremy Smith, popular blogger. “If we can show them that young people can save the world through the church, then young people will gladly be a part of the church.”
Saving the world, even some small part of it, is risky business. It usually means speaking up about something others would rather keep quiet. Last month’s stirring movie Selma reminds me just how much was sacrificed to turn the tide of injustice toward justice. This month’s Black History Month reinforces the message.
Saving some small part of the world also means making ethical decisions about right and wrong: what you will stand for, and what you won’t.
So it begs the question: What is your church speaking up about? Or, what is your church known for?
If you answered: we are known for being friendly or we welcome anyone, then chances are what you’re really saying is “not much.” In that case, your church may have lost its voice. It may have laryngitis.
While laryngitis is mostly benign in humans, it’s usually indicative of a systemic problem in churches. I want to share with you what that problem is, three fears that drive the problem and three ways to transform the fear so that we can speak with a clear, strong voice.
Losing Our Native Tongue
The problem I see is that churches confuse ethics with politics. If it’s being discussed on the news or in Congress, then it must be politics. For many churches, that means the topic of conversation is now off limits. But that kind of self-censure limits our ability to speak our native tongue: the language of values, principles, and ideals, right and wrong, virtue and sin.
Meanwhile, we have left ethics to the politicians. While we claim laryngitis. Oops.
I’m not saying that re-claiming our voice is easy. It’s not. Whether we’re talking about chronic poverty, immigration, human trafficking, gays and transgendered people, economic injustice, or human impacts on the precious planet we call home the ethical issues before us are tough, tough, tough. Reclaiming its voice is the hardest thing a church will do. But it is also the most freeing. Because it causes us to truly depend on the grace of God, to walk in the footsteps of the great Hebrew Prophets, and to emulate Jesus himself.
Fears
While Adam Hamilton has done an excellent job addressing “Confronting the Controversies,” I’d like to address 3 fears that often get in the way of churches dealing with ethical issues:
- The fear of alienating people through controversy, or causing division, which in turn could mean losing financial givers.
- The fear of delving into politics, especially if it puts us on the wrong side of where our people are, either red or blue.
- The fear of losing a focus on the love of Christ, or straying too far from the spiritual.
Since I have dealt with fear #1 in a recent post, I’d like to focus on fears #2 and 3 here.
Fear of Politics: I understand the fear of delving into politics. That’s shaky ground and sure to turn off some people. The trouble is, the public arena is where ethical issues are often debated and outcomes determined. My suggestion is to bypass political parties and personalities while exploring the underlying ethical issues being debated. When we deal with hot issues from an ethical or biblical standpoint, we can put things on more neutral ground.
Speaking Tip #1: Dealing with ethics does not mean telling people how to vote, or even how to think. It does mean helping people explore the sources that can inform our thinking especially scripture, experience, tradition, and reason.
Fear of Straying from Christ: People want and need to be grounded in the love of Christ. Dealing with ethical issues actually aids this. I think of ethics as love of neighbor in action. Why would we leave that to career politicians?
Speaking Tip #2: Frame ethical matters in terms of love. This brings issues back into our territory and allows us to speak with authority and confidence.
The Power of Speech
While Martin Luther King Jr’s example has guided several generations of dreamers, a new incarnation has taken center stage recently, Pope Francis. In his brief tenure, he has managed to speak up on key issues facing the world from re-establishing good relations with Cuba, to living wages, to climate change. Is he dealing with the political? Or the ethical? I’d say its love of neighbor on a grand stage.
Speaking Tip #3: Not sure how to begin speaking up? In the style of the prophets, we can use our voices to ask: Who is hungry? Who is thirsty? Who is rich? Who is poor? Who is included? Who is excluded? Once those dynamics are identified, then we can approach it from the perspective of Jesus and his own ministry. WWJD?
Finally, be sure to immerse yourself in prayer and study. Let the still small voice guide you in reclaiming your own voice from the malaise of laryngitis. Who knows…it just might change the world.