3 Reasons Churches Need the Platinum Rule

3 Reasons Churches Need the Platinum Rule

by | Oct 18, 2022

Change is the name of the game in church these days. Even so, one thing remains the same: the importance of building positive relationships with people. Whatever else may change, people are your most valuable resource. And, at times, your most challenging one, too. For the busy leader, managing a wide variety of relationships can be very trying. Especially during times of rapid change. That’s why I want to share with you the three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule.

 

The Golden Rule vs the Platinum Rule

First, let’s get clear on what the Platinum Rule is, and how it differs from the Golden Rule.

The Platinum Rule is like the Golden Rule in that it points to best practices in human relationships. But “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” doesn’t always go far enough. This is especially true in this age of offendability, polarization, and quick contempt for people who are different. When Jesus and other teachers of his time taught the Golden Rule, it was revolutionary because it emphasized similarity among people.

But these days, our focus has tended toward our differences, rather than our similarities. As life continues to evolve, developing empathy for those who are different is a key quality to add to our understanding of loving relationships.

So the Platinum Rule, “Treat people the way they want to be treated,” is an important principle for these days. It takes the focus off of your particular preferences (the way you want to be treated) and puts the spotlight on the preferences of your neighbor (the way they want to be treated.) The Platinum Rule also reflects a growing awareness of the need for emotional intelligence.

When churches embrace this wisdom, they have an incredible opportunity to create a safe and loving place for community to flourish, differences and all. Without further ado, let me share with you the top three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule.

 

Three reasons churches need the Platinum Rule

  1. The Platinum Rule allows you to honor the dignity and personhood of those who are different than you. 

If there is one distinguishing characteristic of the world right now, it’s that there is so much diversity. This ranges from what people prefer to be called, to how people identify themselves, to what people believe, to country of origin, to ethnic and cultural differences. You may not always agree with others, or even understand them, but by treating people the way they want to be treated, you offer them the highest form of respect and love.

Let’s say you’re not sure whether to refer to someone as Latino, Hispanic or Latinx. (Latinx is a gender-neutral term.) What do you say when you’re just not sure? The Platinum Rule gives you permission to ask, without shame or fear. And it gives permission to the other to share their answer with you, again without shame or fear.

In this case, using the Platinum Rule is a powerful way of honoring and respecting the dignity of individual people, and of uplifting the person that God has created each of them to be.

 

  1. The Platinum Rule is a way to love your neighbor as yourself.

This comes from letting go of ego and the need to be “right.” Now, I know that this isn’t easy because inherently, almost everyone likes to be right. But, by needing to be right, you automatically make someone else “wrong.” This wears on a relationship.

When you give up the need to be “right,” you also release your neighbor from having to be “wrong.” As you refrain from judgement, you also gain the capacity to be comfortable with nearly everybody, even as others can be comfortable with you.

The Platinum Rule gets you off the seesaw of judgementalism, and places you on an even playing field with other human beings. Not only does this make more love available, it is countercultural in a world that can’t wait to choose up sides.

 

  1. The Platinum Rule allows you to bridge differences.

The Platinum Rule allows you to give people the benefit of the doubt, and to ascribe good motives to others. It allows you to understand the situation from another’s point of view. This doesn’t mean dropping your own values or compromising your own perspective. Instead, it means simply expanding your capacity to acknowledge different perspectives and values. Lastly, the Platinum Rule allows you to embrace differences, instead of trying to eliminate them. If we are all made in the image and likeness of God, then each individual has something to offer. Some of your strengths will be others’ weaknesses, and likewise, some of your weaknesses will be their strengths. Capitalize on that.

 

Platinum Rule Bonus

As you practice the Platinum Rule, you will find yourself becoming more self-regulated. If you’re more prone to accepting others, to seeing things from their perspective, and to looking for ways to bridge differences, likely you are coming from a calmer space. This kind of calm gives others permission to do the same. Calm thinking and deep faith allow you to tap into creativity and collaboration instead of polarization and contempt.

 

Next Steps

As you prepare to lead your church into a new season, remember to apply the Platinum Rule in your interactions. If you still aren’t quite sure how, or want to delve into this more deeply, join me for my upcoming workshop, Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times. Beginning November 3, this three-session, online workshop will help you better understand those who are different from you and expand your emotional intelligence to make the most out of every relationship.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com. All Rights Reserved.

How the Pandemic Gave the Church a New Sense of Ownership

How the Pandemic Gave the Church a New Sense of Ownership

by | Feb 8, 2022

The United Methodist Church is facing a crisis of identity. Will the United Methodist denomination split into several bodies? Have we already split? What is next and who will we become?

These questions were set to be determined at General Conference 2020, then delayed until General Conference 2022, which may well be rescheduled for General Conference 2024. As the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded in our congregations, countries, and consciousness, denominational plans were put on hold. Instead of navigating the crisis of denominational identity, we navigated the crisis of the pandemic, including: the intense loss of life, the contagion of the virus, and the politicization of masks and vaccines. Now it’s time to assess our learnings from the pandemic so that we don’t let a good crisis go to waste. After all, now that we have fairly successfully navigated one crisis, we can have greater confidence in our ability to navigate a second.

 

Pandemics Disrupt for Good

While very few people today have been through a pandemic prior to COVID-19, it’s been noted that historically, pandemics disrupt for good. The disruption is so dramatic that people’s ways of living and dying are forever altered. Along with the widespread loss of life, the very structures of society change. Coming through a pandemic is chaotic, painful, and messy. It takes a while for the “next normal” to emerge. We ask how to get our churches back on their feet and wonder about the best way to move forward. Yet, it’s becoming increasingly clear that there is no going back. Pandemics do, however, promote surprising progress in the areas of medicine, economic and social structures, architecture, politics, and religion. The COVID-19 pandemic is no different.

 

The pandemic created a profound shift in church mindset from “Wait and See” to “Ownership and Agency”.

Before the pandemic, many churches were in wait and see mode, as in: “Let’s wait and see what General Conference decides, then we’ll know what we are supposed to do.” This reactive approach has had a disastrous impact on morale, ministry, and mission. As long as you are waiting for them to tell you what to do, or who you are, you deflect your own agency, your ability to be a force of the work of the Kingdom and, instead, become a stumbling block. The wait and see approach is also used between appointments. “Let’s wait and see what the new pastor, or the new bishop, wants to do here.” But wait and see means God can no longer move through you. Your congregation is effectively off limits for God’s work. Over the years, the wait and see has squandered momentum, delayed dreams, and stalled partnerships. It has meant justice delayed, and justice denied.

Through the pandemic, many congregations shrugged off the wait and see mode as they dared to step into the immediacy of the moment. Whether organizing for racial justice, offering respite to front-line essential workers, or ministering to those orphaned by COVID, churches sprung into action to offer on the spot ministry to those in need. This new sense of ownership meant that church buildings quickly transformed into vaccination sites, overnight homeless shelters, and pop-up food banks.

 

Bringing Ownership to the Next Crisis

COVID-19 has forever disrupted the notion that churches can’t flex and adapt. Churches have demonstrated increased adaptability, resilience, and creativity. Dire circumstances were no match for the faith-based community as churches rose brilliantly to the occasion, quickly expanding their sense of ownership and agency. In fact, the coronavirus did for congregations what they could not do for themselves.

There’s no reason that United Methodists’ newfound capacities can’t be used well in the crisis before us. As we approach the next General Conference, let’s continue to be resilient to see new ways of coming together across the miles, distinguishing between our identity as Christians and the institutions we have built, and to take ownership of the moment before us. In order to do that well, we’ll have to spend more time listening than posturing, and more energy loving than hating.

If your congregation is struggling with the effects of the pandemic, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop, “How to Do More with Less.” We’ll address this ever-pressing question many church leaders are asking and discover ways for you to move your people forward into a realm of endless possibility.

Excerpted and adapted from Rebekah Simon-Peter’s featured chapter of the upcoming,  What’s Next: 21 United Methodist Leaders Discuss the Future of the Church (Market Square Publishers, 2022)

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

How the Black Church Shaped This Jewish-Christian

How the Black Church Shaped This Jewish-Christian

by | Feb 1, 2022

“You should come visit our church some Sunday,” Mary said on her way out the door with the rest of the choir. It was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and the choir of Scott United Methodist Church had come to the Iliff School of Theology to host a worship service for the students and staff. I was a thirty-year old student there, and a Jewish-Christian. “Thank you. I believe I will,” I responded, thrilled with the invite. I had always wanted to attend a Black church service, even as a kid. From the outside looking in, it seemed so lively, so interesting, so passionate. Little did I know how the Black church would shape this Jewish-Christian.

I was born and raised Jewish. Before I came to know Jesus at the age of twenty-eight, my grandmother took me on a college graduation trip to Israel. For the first time, at the age of twenty-four, I finally experienced the carefree feeling of being in the majority. Surrounded by other Jews in Israel, fear and guardedness fell away, shrugged off like a coat in warm weather—simply unnecessary. With a sigh of relief, I melted into the multihued, multilingual, diverse society I found there. To be sure, there are distinctions in Israeli society based on one’s degree of religiosity. The size and shape of male head coverings carries a whole calculus of meaning. Round fur hats, small knit yarmulkes, and 1940s style hats each carry a coded message about the kind of Jew who wears it and the norms of their religious observance. I think I was too relieved to notice any of that at the time. I simply drank in the fact that being Jewish was acceptable.

I sensed a similar ease when I first walked into Scott United Methodist Church, a week after Mary’s invitation to me. I joined the well-dressed stream of African Americans who entered the church for Sunday morning worship. Although I wasn’t Black, I got what it was to move from minority to majority status simply by walking into a building. It was a move from “other” to “us,” from being an object of suspicion to being an honored individual, from feeling guarded to breathing easily. Personally, it was an interesting juxtaposition to be in the minority among minorities. Somehow it increased my sense of safety.

After that first Sunday, I trooped off to Scott UMC for the following five Sundays. The people were warm and welcoming. The music was inspiring. The choir was fabulous. The preacher was enthusiastic and kind. The congregation was responsive: “Amen!” and “Preach it!” could be heard throughout the sanctuary. On the sixth Sunday, I joined the church. Six months later, I started my Advanced Field Education placement there, and was invited to be the Associate Pastor.

When I first moved into a leadership position at Scott United Methodist Church, I was the first non-African American pastor in the church’s history. It caused some waves. At first, I thought they were ripples. That was due only to the politeness of the people; they were protecting me from what must have felt like internal storm surges.

One African American seminary professor who also worshiped at Scott UMC called me in to her office at the seminary and asked, “What are you doing at this church, really?” She wanted to make sure I understood the white privilege I carried, even as a Jewish-Christian, and the delicate balances of power it threatened; it had taken African Americans a long time to get to where they were, and they didn’t need me messing with it. Much as I didn’t see myself as white, I understood the privilege she spoke of. Applying it to my own religious experience I could only imagine how the Jewish community would have felt about a Gentile stepping into a leadership role: unsure, ill at ease, suspicious at the very least. But what drew me in to Scott UMC wasn’t a desire to usurp power; it was a desire to share it. At the same time I joined Scott UMC, I was taking seriously the call I heard again and again during my coursework at Iliff: step over the lines that fear has drawn. Be open, in the spirit of Jesus, to radical love of the other.

Jewish-Christian

Some people threatened to leave the church if I stayed, a few actually did. Many more embraced me. The African American pastor who had invited me to be his associate pastor stood toe-to-toe with the concerns being expressed. His courageous stand made a space for all of us to work through our differences. In the beginning, none of us would have said, out loud anyway, that we were prejudiced or racist. Or that we saw ourselves as better or worse than the other. But we all, I suspect, had hidden layers of fear, mistrust, anger, and stereotypes to come to terms with. In the end love prevailed, buoyed by prayer and many a long talk. When I left that church five years later to go to my next appointment, it was as an honored member of the family.

Excitement and engagement brought me to the church. Welcome and gracious hospitality kept me there. During my five years there, we overturned idols together, wrestled through stereotypes, and named fears. In the beginning, none of us knew how it would turn out. It might have led to a church split. Or worse. But when we gave ourselves the space to engage our hidden fears we were instead blessed. I have carried that blessing with me, as a treasure, into the rest of my life and ministry.

Recently an African American friend confessed to me that she had first mistaken me for a “Karen,” an entitled white woman who is passive aggressive toward Blacks, someone not to be trusted. As she got to know me, she came to realize I was cool, not a threat. Our conversation was warm, vulnerable, revelatory. It reminded me that the work of getting to know each other as people, of moving beyond stereotypes, is never done.

In the US, we are born into inherited assumptions about race, color, ethnicity and identity.  It is our work to notice and name the assumptions, then move beyond them, to create something brand new. To find and carry the treasure of blessing that comes from truly breaking through fear into God’s kingdom of love.

If your congregation is stuck in their assumptions, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop, Jesus-Sized Dreams for Small-Sized Churches, where you’ll learn how to create and live out your Jesus-sized dreams.

 

Excerpted and adapted from The Jew Named Jesus: Discover the Man and His Message (Abingdon Press, 2013.)

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

Six Steps to Getting Your Church Past Polarization

Six Steps to Getting Your Church Past Polarization

by | Nov 2, 2021

At a time when polarization seems to be at an all-time high, most churches are not able to bridge the gap.  Instead, they are caught up in divisiveness, too. This polarization limits the church’s ability to lead or to distinguish itself as a spiritual institution. That’s why I want to share six steps to getting your church past polarization.

These six steps are important to take. In some ways, churches now resemble the US House of Representatives more than the house of prayer that Jesus envisioned. It’s not that your church shouldn’t wrestle with important issues. By all means, it should.

But when the voice of the church is framed more by politics than ethics, or by who it stands against instead of the love of God that embraces all, this is bad news for your church and the community you serve.

The Lure of Polarization

We know we are supposed to love God, love others, and love ourselves.  We know we are supposed to turn the other cheek and do good to those who hate us. Yet we find that hard to do with fellow church folk, let alone the people “out there.”

Unconditional love is hard to muster when news headlines play on fear, outrage, and worst-case scenarios.  Or when social media feeds reinforce your perspective on the world. It takes true effort to get past these views of the world and believe that something else is even possible.

When churches try to speak to issues like the pandemic, immigration, or even school shootings from a political perspective, they get caught in either/or choices popularized by right- and left-wing media.  This creates a lose-lose situation with no room for nuanced disagreement.  Either/or choices are destined to polarize, and to pit people against each other.

I’d like to offer an alternative for getting your church past polarization. It comes from  prioritizing ethics over politics.

ethics over politics

Prioritize Ethics Over Politics

I suggest this 6-step process for ethical thinking.  It’s not perfect or complete, but it will give you a starting point.  United Methodists will recognize elements of the process as it engages the Wesleyan quadrilateral, the four sources by which we live out their faith.

Step 1 When it comes to thinking ethically, the first and most important step is to get the facts.  That means looking beyond Facebook memes and polarizing talking heads.  It means digging deeper to find out what’s really going on.  “Some moral issues create controversies simply because we do not bother to check the facts,” observe the authors of Thinking Ethically.

Step 2. Turn to the scriptures.  Discover the biblical stories or principles that might apply.  This means thinking deeply and widely about meta messages of the Bible.  Resist the temptation to pluck one or two scriptures out of context that seem to fit the situation.  Many of the ethical dilemmas we face today were never mentioned in scripture.  Similarly, the scriptures themselves were written over centuries in response to situations that are far from our post-modern context.

Step 3 Look to other commentaries or sources of your faith.  United Methodist will want to consult the Book of Discipline, the Social Principles, and the Book of Resolutions to see how other informed persons of faith have approached these issues.

Step 4 Look at the history of the issue.  How has it been dealt with in the past? What has worked?  What hasn’t?  As thinking persons of faith, we engage our faculties of reason.

Step 5  Engage in prayer.  A word of caution here.  I wouldn’t necessarily ask for specific answers to your specific questions; this prayer may lead to confusing our own solutions with God’s divine guidance.  Rather, I suggest praying for guidance and wisdom as you discern together.

Step 6 Engage in respectful, patient discussion about the resources at hand.  To do so, first decide on ground rules and boundaries, so that your discussions don’t become polarized or violent.  At this point, don’t try to come to final solutions or absolute positions.  Rather, keep an open mind.  Keep prayer present even in the discussion.  Over time, discuss possible ethics-based approaches to addressing the problem at hand.

Don’t worry if you don’t all come to the same conclusion.  You probably won’t.  That’s okay.  Here’s what you will have done:  you will have thought faithfully and ethically about the issues at hand.  This ethics-based process creates trust, loosens polarization, and increases your skill at diving deep as a community of faith.  It might even get you loving one another, differences and all.

In Creating a Culture of Renewal®, we empower church leaders to bring out the best in those who frustrate them the most.  Not an easy task. But it is doable.  

 

Copyright © 2021 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.