by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 26, 2018
Science now confirms what scripture points to: there is a peace that passes all understanding. This peace, researchers have found, 
emanates from deep within the human heart. It is both measurable and reproducible. I suppose that’s not too surprising. The Biblical traditions equate the heart with feelings like love, peace, and joy. Here’s what is surprising about the new research: this peace has the capacity to surpass all misunderstanding, too.
You know how being around angry or nasty people can put you in a bad mood? And how being around laughter is infectious? And how a smile can travel from one person to another? Turns out that’s not just coincidence. It’s the heart’s own emotional intelligence.
Research has shown that emotions emit an energetic wavelength. When our hearts radiate emotions with higher wavelengths—such as appreciation, kindness, compassion, positive regard, joy, delight, and love and peace—we generate more of that into the world. When we radiate emotions with lower wavelengths—judgment, fear, worry, mistrust, suspicion, anger, hate and revenge—we literally create that more of that in the world. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Now here’s the cool part. These electromagnetic waves have the capacity to influence others, and to draw them in. Depending on the feeling we radiate, we can intentionally invite other hearts into either a state of peaceful coherence or a state of jagged non-coherence.
What does all this have to do with church?
First, as a spiritual leader, it is important to make sure your heart is aligned with the energies of peace. The more spiritually grounded and coherent the leader’s heart is–that is, aligned with the peace that passes all understanding—the greater your capacity to radiate that peace to the people and situations around you. You can make a measurable difference.
Second, as your congregation gathers to pray, remember to expand your corporate focus beyond the immediate prayer concerns of your people. Intentionally radiate peace that passes understanding out into the world. This is important on the days that our world reverberates with misunderstanding—outrage, upset, and random acts of violence. Your congregation’s concentrated focus on heart-based prayer can make a measurable difference on a global scale.
Third, teach your people how to stay grounded in prayerful appreciation of all the good in the world. This appreciative stance increases heart-based coherence at every level of society. Notice what is right with the world. Focus on the divine signs and wonders around you. Highlight miracles.
In this way you partner with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to co-create the highest energies of peace, love and appreciation in the world. Surprisingly, this is an approach that surpass all misunderstandings in the world.
If personal peace is hard to come by, join us in January for a practical, online workshop that will empower you in Mastering Conflict.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 19, 2018
Some years back, I had a particularly difficult parishioner. Let’s call him Jack. Jack was gruff, opinionated, and sometimes caustic. I was 
often afraid around him, and defensive. It didn’t take long to realize that he reminded me of another gruff, opinionated and sometimes caustic person in my life—my grandfather. Although small in stature—like this parishioner—my grandfather was a scary figure for me as a child. He was like the hard man in the parable of the talents who reaped where he did not sow. One of his famous sayings was, “You want something to cry about? I’ll give you something to cry about!” That threat was followed by the appearance of a belt. Not exactly comforting for a little kid. Needless to say, Jack never pulled out a belt, or threatened me, but I often felt small and young around him. Surprisingly, I found a way to be grateful for him.
At some point, I realized that I perceived Jack through an emotional filter of fear and defensiveness. Once it occurred to me that I was projecting my grandfather on to him I was able to get some emotional distance from him and put him into proper perspective. I was able to see and feel that I was no longer a child, that he did not intend to hurt me, and the fear that I was feeling was left over from childhood. It didn’t belong to this time and place.
As I began to pray for him, I also cut myself some slack. I found I could approach him with greater confidence and openness. As our relationship shifted onto healthier terrain, I saw that some of his comments to me were helpful, and some of his insights were right on.
Then another insight surfaced. Jack had been trying to communicate a whole slew of things to me that I missed entirely. I was so caught up in my own stuff that I didn’t realize he was putting out subtle cries for help. His marriage was on rocky ground, his health was deteriorating, and spiritually, he needed me to be available, not closed down.
Giving thanks for Jack allowed me to go from being defensive to present, from shut down to available.
When you come to a relationship with tainted attitudes—toward yourself or others—it’s hard to listen with an open heart or mind. This won’t empower you as a leader. And it won’t empower your people to trust or follow you.
Who are you not present and available for? Give thanks for the difficult people in your life. Then, identify what’s in the way of being fully present. Take the time to resolve it, so that you can bring your full humanity, and your full spiritual powers, to bear.
In the meantime, please join me January 4 and 11 for my Mastering Conflict Online Workshop.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Nov 12, 2018
What words come to mind when you think of conflict? I recently asked a 
group of a dozen church leaders. Answers ranged from anxiety, avoidance, and scared, to trying to keep the peace.
We are facing conflict in many ways in our world right now—national, political, ethnic, denominational, and familial. These conflicts heighten the tension in our churches. That can lead to some pretty bad situations.
Jesus offers some processes for dealing with conflict so that it doesn’t turn destructive. The Gospels say things like turn the other cheek, take another person with you when you have to call someone out, or forgive so that you can be forgiven.
But what if you can’t?
I want to introduce you to a process of self-regulation that will increase your capacity to follow Jesus’ counsel. In the world of emotional intelligence, self-regulation is the ability to master your emotions, responses and behaviors. In other words, with increased ability to self-regulate, you can turn the other cheek instead of hitting back. You can have a calm conversation instead of stomping off and slamming doors. You can forgive instead of seething.
First, let’s take a look at what actually happens in a conflict situation: Conflict > Automatic Thought > Destructive Behavior.
An automatic thought is an unconscious assessment of what is happening. Automatic thoughts lead to generally destructive behavior. For instance, let’s say someone challenges me. And that my automatic thought is, “He’s trying to make me look stupid!” In that case, I’m likely to get defensive and self-righteous. I’m going to want to prove my point instead of really listen to what he’s saying. The more I try to prove my point, the more I shut down any conversation. And the more likely he is to think, “#$%* She doesn’t even listen.” That will set up some destructive responses from him. See where this is going?
Instead of going down that path, here’s an emotional intelligence tool that will help you stay calm. In this acronym, each letter stands for an action to increase your self-regulation.
C: Calm yourself. For most of us this means pausing and praying. Or even simply breathing. Breathing gives us a chance to move out of fight or flight, and back into cognitive processes. In other words, it gives us a chance to access wisdom instead of simply reacting.
A: Assess your Automatic Thought. Tune in to your automatic thought. Bring it from the subconscious to the conscious realm. When you become aware of what you’re thinking, you’re on the road to choosing a new thought.
L: Listen to what was actually said instead of how you automatically interpreted it. Discover a new way of making sense of their comments. Listen both with your heart and your head.
M: Make a new response. Now that you have calmed yourself, assessed and listened, intentionally choose to make a new response. Think a new thought. Respond in a new way.
Conflict is a fact of life. At its best, it helps us clarify our values, articulate our needs, and arrive at new insights. At its worst, it tears us apart.
As stewards of the Gospel dream of the Kingdom of God, we owe it to ourselves to increase the love in the world, and not the anxiety; to increase the Kingdom and not conflict. That means we need to master ourselves. To practice self-regulation.
Ready to learn more about how to stay CALM? Join me for my upcoming Mastering Conflict workshop!
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Oct 22, 2018
Thomasina stood up among a group of fellow pastors to tell us her vision for herself. “I am committed to self-regulation and to be the pastor 
my people need me to be.” As we dived deeper into her vision, it became clear that she had a bad case of imposter syndrome. Highly successful in the world of education and administration, somehow her gifts had been unwelcome in the church. While she thought more self-regulation was the answer, I doubted that would solve the problem. Too much self-regulation translates into self-suppression. Then we can no longer express our gifts or passions.
I’ve seen imposter syndrome—the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved—afflict pastors all across the country. I think the core of the problem is bad theology. It’s time to break it.
Thomas Merton writes that at the core, we are in deep and inescapable contact with the Divine. Paul tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. The Psalmist writes that there is no place we can go that God is not. The ancient writer of Genesis tells us that we are made in the very image and likeness of God.
Then came Augustine. We have him to thank for the gift of original sin. Original sin is the concept that while God made us good, we “fell” from that grace. Only something outside of ourselves can fix us. And only if we are somehow repentant enough. The question is how much is enough? Most of us deal with “never good enough.” You don’t even need to be Christian to absorb this theology. It’s part of our culture. It’s transmitted to us in silent invisible ways we don’t even know about. It eats away at our very bones like a cancer.
Here is the outgrowth of this bad theology: God’s love is conditional. We believe we are never really good enough. We are separate from God. We are on our own. We don’t belong. We are “other” to God.
Hogwash.
Thank goodness Jesus didn’t have to deal with this bad theology. He might have dealt with imposter syndrome too. Can you imagine? “Beloved son, me? Nah, not really. You’re well pleased? I doubt it. Don’t you think I need to do better first?”
As I teach apostleship to church leaders, it’s clear that Jesus wasn’t weighted down by any sense of original sin. More importantly, neither were the apostles. We see no hint of imposter syndrome in them. They were free to learn from Jesus, to try out the stuff that he taught them, to wrangle for first place, and to even develop the faith of Jesus so that they could perform miracles alongside him. Jesus would have had a hard time empowering and authorizing them—tapping into their sense of agency—if they had been hindered by a persistent sense of unworthiness.
We are called to co-create miracles with Jesus. To do that, we need a better theology. One that doesn’t trap us with the idea that we are never enough, or that we are separate from the very God who gives us life. Rather, one that empowers us to recognize our inherent goodness, the innate divinity within our humanity, and our essential oneness with God.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 23, 2017
It’s on everyone’s minds. It’s all over the news. Millions of women took to the streets to make their voices heard. Should churches join in the political talk or not?
I say yes. The Bible is intensely political. Every prophet risks their skin by talking truth to power. Every king weighs obedience to God against other concerns. Every temple, shrine, and altar has political ramifications. The same with every war, skirmish, and battle. Even the Sermon on the Mount is political. Love your enemies? Do good to those who hate you? Who do you think Jesus is talking about? Religion and politics have always been deeply intertwined. Jesus’ own life is an example of that.
This co-mingling didn’t end with the biblical era. The church, at its best, and its worst, has always been political. We’re at our worst when we imagine Christ is aligned with one political party or another. Or when we cut deals. Or when we trade faith for power. We’re at our best, however, when like MLK, we strive for the soul of the whole nation.
How to talk politics though, without causing further pain and discontent? Here are some suggestions to get you started.
1. Start with ground rules that insure careful listening and mutual respect.
2. Don’t assume they voted for their candidate for the exact reason you didn’t. In other words, don’t assume the worst in them and the best in yourself.
3. Plan to listen deeply for the personal stories behind the political passion.
4. Assume they’re not 100% wrong and you are not 100% right.
5. Assume God loves you all.
Once these are in place, look for biblical principles that you agree on. Look for how the biblical principles might get played out in a particular policy. Ask, What are the ethical ramifications of such policies? When we discuss things at this level, we are talking politics in a way that edifies and builds us up, rather than divides and tears us down.
To get beyond knee-jerk reactions means listening deeply. To the Bible, to the Spirit, to one another, to journalists, and to the politicians who present these options.
This is far from easy. It requires us to be well-schooled in both our faith and in the issues at hand. It means digging into the Bible, our personal beliefs, and the guiding principles behind legislation and policy. You gotta to listen to more than sound bites to do that.
It’s worthwhile though. I believe engaging in these kinds of conversations keeps the church honest. It helps us determine if we are living out the love we profess. It helps us be clear if we are living out our baptismal vows of using our God-given power to resist evil, injustice and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves. It helps us get straight on if we are furthering the Kingdom.
In the midst of our discussions, let’s not forget to pray. For ourselves. For our country. For one another. And for our leaders. President Trump needs our prayers, and our love. Really. At the same time, he needs our accountability and engagement. His success, and our success as a country—whether you voted for him or not—depend on that. We can only hold him and other leaders accountable, appropriately, if we are spiritually grounded, well-informed, and speaking from love.
Want to get in on the whole discussion? Click here to check out this recent conversation with Discipleship Ministries’ Scott Hughes and I.
by Rebekah Simon-Peter | Jan 2, 2017
As we start the new year, I want to share with you 7 counter-intuitive resolutions for 2017. Plus 2 bonus resolutions. If you are a growing church, pay close attention. Even if you are not growing, but you want to begin to grow, you can participate in this game as well. Don’t worry about doing all of them. Even taking on 3-4 of them will make a profound difference for you and the life of the church.
- LOVE YOURSELF. It’s true that we love our neighbors as ourselves. Want to be a better neighbor? Start by refusing to judge or berate yourself. Then practice unconditional self-respect, self-love, and self-acceptance. Let that kind of love radiate out to those around you. TIP: Start by smiling at yourself in the mirror.
- PRAY THE NEXT PRAYER. It’s easy to get stuck with a basic prayer like, “God be with us.” Or “God bless us.” Or “God help us.” The truth is God is always, always, always with us. There is no place we can go where God is not. Likewise, since God is love, God is always blessing us. And God is always there to help us. So trust these basic realities, and begin to pray the next prayer. What do you want to co-create with God? What do you envision for the coming year? Pray that prayer. TIP: Start by thanking God for always being there, always blessing, and always helping.
- ENVISION THE FUTURE. Develop a vision that expands assumptions about what is possible. Then plan something beyond your ability to accomplish. Stretching yourself will allow the Spirit of God to work in new ways among you. With God in the picture, even stale realities can be transformed. TIP: Envision what the Kingdom might look like in your corner of the world. Ask how you can contribute to making that a reality.
- GOSPEL LESSON. Read the Gospels out loud together as a group. At least a chapter at a time. Allow the originality of Jesus’ message to speak to you again. Let the big picture emerge. Listen for what is new, empowering, unexpected. TIP: Sit in silence for 3 minutes and absorb what you’ve heard before anyone speaks.
- START FRESH. Clean out a cluttered closet or classroom. Take down old banners or decorations. Paint the bathrooms and the sanctuary. Let go of a ministry or project that no longer bears fruit. Update your website. Delete your old phone message. Create space for new ideas, new people, new projects. TIP: If it’s stained, unused, unclaimed, or out of date, it’s time to let it go!
- PRACTICE HEAVEN. Make friends with someone you are afraid of, or someone who angers you. Don’t try to fix or change them. Instead, find the best in them as they are right now. This will be good practice for heaven. TIP: Start by silently sending them love. Even if you don’t feel it.
- DISBELIEVE. Let go of stubbornly held beliefs that only serve to keep you stuck. For instance: We can’t grow in this neighborhood. Children aren’t attracted to this church. We don’t have enough money to pay our tithes. I’m not good enough. Things are only going to get worse. Bottom line: Don’t live into negative self-fulfilling prophesies. Instead, create positive ones. Either way, they’ll come true. Might as well choose a future you’ll love! TIP: Start by looking at where you are stuck. Find the disempowering belief at the base of it. Write it down and turn it over to God. Then create anew.
Here are two bonus counter-intuitive resolutions to make 2017 a positive year to remember:
- GET THE BACKSTORY. People’s theologies, politics and life choices make a heck of a lot more sense when we know the backstory. Why they think the way they do. Why they feel the way they do. Why they do what they do. Share your stories with each other. Practice listening with your head and your heart. TIP: Lay aside questions and debate. Don’t plan any response. See them as a child of God.
- DON’T CATER TO FEAR. Before, during and after the presidential election, people’s fears crystallized. Anger and attack have become the go-to responses. It creates an us v. them mentality. Don’t cater to fear. Instead, let the Gospel of love and courage, faith and self-sacrifice, action and empowerment be your guide. TIP: Ask, if God is for us then who can be against us? Remember, we are all “us.”
Resolutions are a way of setting your intentions. Intentions are powerful corollaries to faith and prayer. They allow us to co-create with God. All good things are waiting for us this year, but we must be open vessels to receive them. Set your intentions for the year, and then take actions consistent with these intentions to watch your words come to life!
Not sure what to do first or how to take action? Email me at re*****@*************er.com and ask me your questions. I’m here to help!
emanates from deep within the human heart. It is both measurable and reproducible. I suppose that’s not too surprising. The Biblical traditions equate the heart with feelings like love, peace, and joy. Here’s what is surprising about the new research: this peace has the capacity to surpass all misunderstanding, too.