I Was Wrong About… Aging

I Was Wrong About… Aging

by | Aug 31, 2022

We live in an ageist society that portrays the process of getting older as a failure. Our culture tends to view the older generation as burdensome and less useful than those around them. In fact, these views have been so woven into our society that they can be difficult to recognize. I personally didn’t understand ageism was really a thing until I started reading Breaking the Age Code by Dr. Becca Levy. I got this book for my 61st birthday. As I worked my way through Dr. Levy’s writing, I must admit that what I found was that all along, I was wrong about aging.

 

The Gift of Aging

As I’ve gotten older and as I’ve watched my parents get older, it’s clear to me that, far from a burden to society, they are a gift. They’re 85 and 86 and, though I’ve watched them age, they are still vibrant. They are alive, inquisitive, and strong. I’m still learning from them. Not just about aging, but about love, life, family, and dealing with illness.

Many of you are pastoring churches with people in their 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, or even centenarians. For so long, we have bemoaned the aging of the church. But I have a different take on it now. I think that when you’ve got people in the later stages of life, you have wisdom, tenacity, faith, perseverance, graciousness, compassion, and kindness. You’ve got the best of the best!

Of course, there is nothing wrong with youth; we want youth! But there’s nothing wrong with old people, either. And certainly, there is no reason to mourn an aging congregation.

 

A New Mindset about Aging

In Breaking the Age Code, Dr. Levy writes about how our own beliefs about aging determine how long and well we will live. That’s actually the book’s subtitle: “How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long and Well You Live.”

That’s a very Jesus-like thing to say! Jesus always said, “Your faith has made you well.” There is something about our mindset and our attitude – what we believe and our perspective on the world – that shapes our life experiences.

Dr. Levy has proven that our beliefs are stronger than our DNA, our environment, and our genetic history by demonstrating that what we believe determines how long and well we live.

This is good news! Because we’re all getting older every day. And so are your people and your churches. We do not need to bemoan that or think that aging is a disease of our ministries or churches. It’s not! It’s the beginning. It’s the beginning of a new kind of ministry with people who have wisdom, life experience, and love to share with the world.

 

Next Steps

You have a tremendous resource in your church. And you are a tremendous resource. Hold your head high and feel good about aging! We have a God who created us all with unique gifts and desires in mind. I, for one, want to grow old.

If you need more help in embracing all of the generations you lead, join me for my upcoming workshop: Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times. You’ll learn how to work more effectively with others while increasing your own ability to lead and love. Build on the strengths of the Golden Rule as you discover the secret power of the Platinum Rule. This fun and interactive workshop promotes self-awareness, motivation, empathy, social skill, and self-regulation. 

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

Are You a Church Leader or a Church Manager?

Are You a Church Leader or a Church Manager?

by | Aug 17, 2022

Just because pastors and key laity are called leaders doesn’t mean we are practicing effective leadership. Take me, for example. By the time I graduated from the Iliff School of Theology in 1998, I had an M.Div. and an M.A.R with a healthy cumulative GPA of about 3.75. I had studied Hebrew, Greek, Old Testament, New Testament, theology, church history, preaching, worship, and Christian education. I learned how to read and interpret the scriptures, lead prayer, organize a bible study, serve communion, baptize babies, visit the sick, bury the dead, counsel the distressed, call meetings, administer the life of the church, and under duress, consult the Book of Discipline.

I was prepared to manage the church, but not to truly lead the church.

 

What’s the Difference Between a Manager and a Leader?

A manager helps an organization survive. A leader innovates so it thrives. A manager dots the i’s and crosses the t’s. A leader generates a brand new vocabulary. A manager makes sure everything is in order. A leader envisions a brand new order. Managers tend to people and processes. Leaders build up new people and craft new processes. If managing is sufficient when things are going well, leadership is crucial when things are not going well.

What I learned in seminary was sufficient for when things are going well. But we all know that things haven’t been going well. While I was honing and expanding my skills, there was a larger dynamic at play: a culture of decline in the church. Not just my church—but the denomination as a whole, mainline Christianity as a whole. Since the early 70’s, we have seen a significant loss of membership, attendance, giving, and influence. At the same time, we’ve seen a rise in the ranks of church alumni, the spiritual but not religious.

 

5 Things Church Leaders Need to Know

I pastored local churches for more than 12 years. By the time I left, I was frustrated and burned out—even with all the love and good ministry that had transpired. What happened to the grand calling I had? Why was the church in decline even though I put everything I had into it? In the 15 years since, I’ve immersed myself in mastering the principles and practices of effective leadership in the church. Here’s what I’ve discovered, including 5 confessions of my own.

 

  1. Leaders may be born, but even more than that, they are formed. Some of us naturally possess a personality style that others equate with “leader.” We get things done. We have an air of confidence. We connect with people. As important as those qualities are, though, they are not enough to constitute effective leadership. An effective leader doesn’t do it all themself. They also know how to empower others to get things done. Jesus intentionally authorized and empowered those around him to do what he did. That’s why his movement is still alive, while the things I began in the local church most likely are not. I didn’t fully understand how to turn things over. Church leaders, it doesn’t matter if you’re a born leader or not; we can learn those skills. In fact, we must if we are to fulfill our callings.

 

  1. Effective leaders have high emotional intelligence. Self-awareness, empathy, motivation, social skill and self-regulation are five commonly accepted attributes of EQ. Jesus had all these qualities in spades. He knew himself. He had empathy for others. He understood what motivated others, and had the skill to move people in the direction he wanted to go. Finally, he knew how to regulate his own actions, motivations, and fears. The Gospel stories of his interactions with friend and foe alike illustrate his EQ.

While I had self-awareness and empathy, I wasn’t always clear on what motivated others, or how to move everyone in the direction I sensed God was calling us to. That means my ability to self-regulate was limited. I did what I knew how to do—persuade, cajole, inspire, push—trying harder and harder. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. I didn’t know sometimes people need facts and figures rather than emotion and inspiration. I didn’t know sometimes people need advance notice to figure things out and get on board.

Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is one definition of insanity. It’s a prescription for burnout, too.

 

  1. Church leaders can’t save the church, and shouldn’t try. Decline is bigger than we are. Instead of our sole focus being to boost giving, attendance, and baptisms, we need a focus that is larger than ourselves. That means keeping one eye on our current constituency and another on the needs and possibilities in the communities around us. If we attend to those things well, the church will likely thrive too.

Jesus had his eye on the Kingdom of God which required a complete re-focusing of spiritual and religious energies. Out of this vision emerged not only the creation of a brand-new movement now called Christianity, but a stronger, re-invented Judaism as well.

I took decline personally. I figured the answer was to do more, demand more, spend more time, and take less vacations. That didn’t work. It simply caused burnout. Decline is overcome with a bigger vision and a change in consciousness, not more effort.

 

  1. Leadership development for leaders is not an oxymoron or a redundancy. Most of us get 3-9 semester hours of leadership development in seminary or course of study. The rest of it comes from intentional continuing education. That’s how I became a leadership developer. Instead of slogging alone through years of nagging self-doubt, disempowerment and victimhood—like I had—I wanted to create a new conversation. So I developed what I learned into a useable, accessible format for others.

 

  1. The culture of decline cannot produce a culture of renewal. Because we church leaders—locally and nationally—are used to operating in a culture of decline, our thinking is unconsciously limited by that. We’re more used to scarcity than abundance.  It’s easier to tick off reasons why we can’t rather than reasons why we can. Effective leadership development is grounded in a different kind of culture. Creating a Culture of Renewal® requires a focus on Jesus’ own empowerment of us and the structures he employed to cultivate it. That includes high expectations, life-giving accountability, miracle-making, acknowledgement, and celebration.

 

Next Steps

I confess that I didn’t know any of this when I graduated seminary, or when I pastored three churches. I knew what didn’t work, but I couldn’t quite figure out what would work. That took lots of trial and error. In the 15 years since leaving local church ministry, fellow travelers have joined me on the journey and discovered their own path to effective leadership.

If you would like to learn how to step into greater leadership by becoming an emotionally intelligent, Jesus-empowered, visionary leader who can create a culture of renewal, let’s talk!

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

The Peace that Surpasses all Misunderstanding

The Peace that Surpasses all Misunderstanding

by | Aug 9, 2022

Science has confirmed what scripture points to – there is a peace that surpasses all understanding. This peace, researchers have found, emanates from deep within the human heart. It is both measurable and reproducible.

I suppose that’s not too surprising. The Biblical traditions equate the heart with feelings like love, peace, and joy.

Here’s what is surprising: this peace has the capacity to surpass all misunderstanding, too.

 

Contagious Emotions

You know how being around angry or nasty people can put you in a bad mood? And how laughter is infectious? Or how a smile can travel from one person to another?

Turns out that’s not just coincidence. It’s the heart’s own emotional intelligence.

Research has shown that emotions emit an energetic wavelength. When our hearts radiate emotions with higher wavelengths – such as appreciation, kindness, compassion, positive regard, joy, delight, and love and peace – we generate more of that into the world. When we radiate emotions with lower wavelengths – judgment, fear, worry, mistrust, suspicion, anger, hate and revenge – we literally create more of that in the world. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Now here’s the cool part: these electromagnetic waves have the capacity to influence others, and to draw them in.  Just as sunlight is made up of waves of energy which travels through air, turning night to day and warming cold bones – our emotions influence the people around us.

Depending on the feeling we radiate, we can intentionally invite other hearts into either a state of peaceful coherence or a state of jagged non-coherence.

So, what does all this have to do with church?

 

3 Ways You Can Surpass Misunderstanding

First, as a spiritual leader, it is important to make sure your heart is aligned with the energies of peace. The more spiritually grounded and coherent the leader’s heart is – that is, aligned with the peace that passes all understanding – the greater your capacity to radiate that peace to the people and situations around you. You can make a measurable difference.

Second, as your congregation gathers to pray, remember to expand your corporate focus beyond the immediate prayer concerns of your people. Intentionally radiate peace that passes understanding out into the world. This is important on the days that our world reverberates with misunderstanding – outrage, upset, and random acts of violence. Your congregation’s concentrated focus on heart-based prayer can make a measurable difference on a global scale.

Third, teach your people how to stay grounded in prayerful appreciation of all the good in the world. This appreciative stance increases heart-based coherence at every level of society. Notice what is right with the world. Focus on the divine signs and wonders around you. Highlight miracles.

 

Next Steps

In this way, you partner with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to co-create the highest energies of peace, love, and appreciation in the world. Surprisingly, this is an approach that surpasses all misunderstandings in the world.

If personal peace is hard to come by, consider joining me for my upcoming workshop, Platinum Rule Leadership for Changing Times. Using a personalized Everything DiSC® Workplace profile, we’ll discover how you can bring out the best in people who frustrate you most as well as enhance your leadership skills to defuse tension and misunderstanding. Your registration includes a copy of my new book, Forging a New Path: Moving the Church Forward in a Post-Pandemic World.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

The Genius of Slow Change

The Genius of Slow Change

by | Aug 2, 2022

I had a vision to beautify the barren property that surrounded the church I served. It was an engaging vision that garnered lots of buy-in. Trees and fencing were donated. A spring Saturday was set for planting the trees. Folks were excited! Lots of trees got planted that day. Sadly, almost none of them survived.

For years, their brown boughs served as a living, or rather dead, reminder of that failed vision. In fact, the property looked even more barren with dead trees dotting it than it had before.

What was the culprit here? Blight, bad weather and critters are all good guesses. But the truth is simpler and harsher than that.

When it came to planting trees, we had several things going for us: vision, alignment and even people willing to execute the vision. But there was also an unnamed saboteur in our midst: lack of planning. We sabotaged the vision by failing to think through what should happen next. Like watering and follow up care. Even more so, we sabotaged the vision by failing to engage people who would have noticed the lack of a plan.

Personally, I was quite comfortable shooting from the hip, making stuff up as I went along. I didn’t need a thought-out plan. But those poor trees did! I wish I could say the great tree planting caper was the only example of aborted vision, wasted energy and squandered good will in my tenure there. But it wasn’t. As an idea-generator with lots of energy, I had all kinds of great ideas. And the persuasiveness to get others on board. What I lacked was awareness that each of my ideas needed a thorough plan to succeed. Bottom line: I had failed to plan and planned to fail.

If you’re a regular reader you know that I have a bias toward risk-taking, adventure, and boldness for church leaders. I’m all about visionary change. So this next thought may come as a surprise. Here it is: There’s genius in putting on the brakes and slowing down the pace of change. Yup, you heard it here.

Slowing down the pace of change allows a plan to emerge. It also allows structures to be created which ensure the change is sustainable. Developing a structure requires putting the brakes on and thinking things through. All the way through. Including who is going to buy the water hose.

I now know the best way to plan is to begin with the end in mind. Then provide a framework that allows you to get there step by step. With all the i’s dotted and all the t’s crossed. It’s detail time, folks.

You want gorgeous, healthy trees that thrive in the high desert plains for years to come? You want flowers and bushes and color that vivify brown prairie grasses and silver-green sage brush? That all takes planning! Likewise, you want an outreach ministry that makes a real difference in the lives of street people or the underemployed? Or a prayer ministry that will impact each and every person in your zip code? How about a community garden that will nourish the elderly? All that takes planning. Start with the end in mind and work your way backwards.

Our churches are full of people who excel at thinking things through. They’re the ones that usually like to put the brakes on anyway and consider all the angles. They value harmony, stability, and well-thought through change. If that’s you, please stand and take a bow! This is where your genius shines. By tapping into your ability to think systematically, supply details, include the right people, ask the right questions, and challenge flawed thinking, you can enable changes to take hold and take root. You can ensure that change is sustainable.

Of course, there’s still a place for your faster-paced, more adventurous fellows, too. In fact, you need them to keep the momentum going, so you don’t get bogged down or stopped. The truth is that you need each other.

Here are eight tips for making sustainable change while keeping forward momentum going:

Get input from the visionaries as well as the analyzers. Make sure to include the very people who will be implementing the vision. Engage them with both voice and a vote to create strong buy in. And a greater likelihood of seamless implementation.

Have regular meetings. But don’t space them too far apart! Otherwise, you’ll lose momentum. The more often you meet, in fact, the shorter each meeting can be. And the more focused. Monthly or quarterly meetings are the graveyard of too many worthy visions. At the same time, give yourselves enough time to make a good plan, and to think through what needs to be done.

Together, anticipate cause and effect, plan for contingencies, think through what could go wrong, and wherever possible eliminate risk.

Plan for things going better than expected. With God in the mix, lots of things go well and right! Consider new opportunities that could arise from your vision being implemented. Includes plans to jump on those opportunities so you can keep the momentum going.

Let your plans be vigorous, focused, and move things forward. Then take the foot off the brakes. You can’t know everything before you finally say “go.” But your plans will help you deal with what you encounter along the way precisely because you will have thought through what could go right and what could go wrong. Develop your faith by trusting God and trusting your fellows, even if you don’t feel 100% ready yet.

Once you have a plan, remember to stay in communication! Consistent and timely communications keep planning on track and allows for real-time analysis. It also helps people feel part of things.

Embrace your adversaries. Both the ability to craft a vision and to carefully implement it are gifts from God. But most people have one or the other, not both. Learning how to work well together is key.

Have fun! Feel the joy of doing things well and creating a sustainable culture shift. Surprise people by excelling at making good, enduring change. Revel in the fact that the Kingdom is at hand.

I’d love to hear about your failed visions. And your successful changes. Both are inspiring. Because we learn from failure and success.

Not sure how to bring all this together? Check out Creating a Culture of Renewal®. It’s a step-by-step process that shows you how to bring out the best in the people who frustrate you the most. All while empowering you and your church to dream and lead like Jesus.

 

Originally posted April 25, 2016

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

Clear Skies, Clear Minds

Clear Skies, Clear Minds

by | Jul 26, 2022

If you’ve spent much time in the Rockies, you know that this time of year is truly the golden hour. Long, hot days followed by warm, starry nights. The rich, yet fleeting summers in Wyoming are wonderfully delicious, but woefully ephemeral. With so much to do and so little time, the summer months usually fly by before I even realize they’re fading. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in work and responsibility that we forget to make time to take advantage of these short-lived luxuries. To get outside and let clear skies clear our minds.

 

Sunrise Spirituality

This summer, I made a commitment to begin each day with a morning hike on the mountain or walk along the river in my small community of Casper, Wyoming. Always accompanied by my dog, Beau, and often by my husband, Jerry, this morning ritual has become a time of true spirituality for me.

But this wasn’t my intention when I made my initial commitment to take these daily walks. It was more about staying healthy, getting my steps in, and getting Beau some exercise. At first, I had to drag myself out the door, often convincing myself just to lace up my shoes before I was awake enough to give myself a chance to change my mind to squeeze in an hour of email instead.  

As the days progressed and my new habit set in, I began to relish this time. It became less about the routine, and more about embracing the opportunity to cultivate a deeper spiritual relationship with God.

 

Building Spiritual Habits

Whether it be the gratitude ping-pong Jerry and I play as we walk, the time I’m able to spend talking with my aging parents, or quiet time taking in the natural beauty I’m surrounded by, I’ve not yet had a morning outing where I didn’t feel an immediate deeper connection with God.

Often this connection feels more profound than what I’ve recently experienced during Sundays in church, where we’d expect to find it. There is something about taking time to mindfully meditate and allow ourselves to just BE.

 

Cultivate Your Spirituality

Are you ready to cultive your spiritual connection through nature? Here are three things to kep in mind.

  1. Start small

You don’t have to climb a mountain or trek a certain distance to benefit from being outside, or disconnecting from indoor routines. I’ve found that sometimes walking without a destination in mind helps me be ok with not always having a plan.

  1. Be present

Focus on being in the moment. Your mind might tend toward rehashing old frustrations or worrying about the work you need to do. Just notice what your mind is doing and bring your attention back to where your feet are. Take in your surroundings, your feelings, and cut yourself some slack.

  1. Make time

It will always feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. There is always more work to be completed, more emails to be sent, and more planning to be done.  I believe that allowing yourself these moments, though, will be undeniably worth it.

As I look back over the years, I realize that slipping back into too much roof and not enough sky is a common refrain for me. I wonder how I get out of the habit of granting myself these uninterrupted moments. I suppose that it can feel somewhat selfish, taking time away from my desk or my computer. But this summer, I’ve found that these “selfish” moments are where the real work gets done. Where I am able to open myself to the opportunity to talk directly with God, embrace my spirituality, and reflect on what I want out of each day. I give thanks for this time of renewal. In Creating a Culture of Renewal®, we emphasize that renewal begins within. Don’t I know it!  I hope you’ll give yourself the gift of renewal by taking unhurried time with God in nature.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.

The Indispensable Power of Emotional Intelligence

The Indispensable Power of Emotional Intelligence

by | Jul 19, 2022

In today’s world, it has become too easy to be so one-sided that anyone who disagrees with you must be wrong. It seems as if every issue is black and white. There is no room for discussion or questioning. No room for learning about another’s point of view. This mindset is not only detrimental; it’s toxic. In today’s blog, I want to share with you the indispensable power of emotional intelligence, and how it can allow you to build deeper relationships and become a better leader.

 

The Myth About Conflict

Before we get into the components of emotional intelligence, I want to highlight one important misunderstanding. That is, that conflict is inherently negative, or a means for disagreement. By learning how to engage productively in conflict, we open the door for a deeper understanding of how others see the world and allow for richer relationships to develop.

 

The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence includes five components – self-awareness, motivation, empathy, social skill, and self-regulation. Becoming familiar with each will help you not only better understand those around you, but will also help you develop your leadership skills. Below are five simple ways you can incorporate them into your everyday relations.

 

Self-awareness – getting to know yourself at a deeper level. Be aware of your tendencies, tiredness, and need for time-away. Staying tuned in to these three T’s will give you a greater ability to self-regulate and practice empathy.

Motivation – what motivates you, what makes you tick. People along theological and political spectrums want similar things: safety, love, and to live life according to their prized values. We hold common motivations, but what differs is how we believe we will achieve them. Understanding these motivations allows leaders to practice empathy amid chaos.

Empathy – walking in the shoes of another, or deep understanding of what another is going through. I once read on a tea bag: “Be kind. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.” Even as rain falls on the just and unjust, the negativity in our common airwaves affects people indiscriminately. This makes empathy more important than ever. As a leader, you model empathy with people and ask them to practice empathy with others.

Social skill – being able to rally a group to move together in one direction. The most important skill, and responsibility, that you have as a leader is to practice social skills. This has little to do with small talk and more to do with moving people in the same direction. This is leadership that unifies people, a rare commodity these days. Given the divided nature of life, you might not unite people around theology or politics. Instead, tap into common values: the Gospel, the love of God, and the Kingdom of heaven. Bring people back to the vision that Jesus laid out: Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is heaven.

Self-regulation – Self-regulation is choosing how you respond in situations. When you feel your hackles rise, or the perfect retort forming on your tongue, take a moment to breathe. Instead of cutting someone else off, a good way to defuse the moment is to say: “Tell me more.” Listening can help another person re-regulate. Chances are they need to blow off steam, too.

 

You Are Not Alone

I want to remind you that you are not alone. Isolation is the enemy of love so don’t try to go it alone. Personally, my mission is to empower church leaders and the congregations they serve. I invite you to tap into the resources my team and I offer by joining a Creating a Culture of Renewal® cohort! In my three-year group coaching program, you will discover who you are leading, how you are leading, and where you are leading, all while bringing renewal to your congregation and community. New cohorts begin meeting this fall.

 

Copyright © 2022 rebekahsimonpeter.com, All Rights Reserved.